When We're Both Thirty

Gerard wakes up to confusion. He wakes up to warmth, and he wakes up to a feeling of content. He feels really pleasant in a really new way, one that he’s not familiar with.

He feels like he’s just been sat in a spa for a few years and he feels so unbelievably rejuvenated that his limbs don’t want to move.

Gerard’s mind is pretty blank from having slept, so he’s not exactly sure where he is. The room is too dark for him to be able to tell. He knows that something is different though. The mattress feels different. It’s a lot nicer than the one Gerard’s used to sleeping on. The pillow is a lot nicer too. Gerard’s sure it has to be one of those expensive memory foam pillows, and it’s absolutely fantastic, but he could never afford one of those. Gerard splurges on things like buying potato chips. All he eats is ramen, so, no, Gerard cannot possibly own a hundred dollar pillow.

The biggest thing he notices is the fact that he’s way too warm and comfortable for him to be the only one producing body heat. Something else very warm is really close to him so he’s got to be in bed with someone. It takes him a while to figure that part out, and then he’s got to try to remember how on earth he ended up being in some guy’s bed. Well he’s pretty sure he understands why he’s in someone’s bed, given the fact that he can tell he’s not wearing any clothes, but the question is how.

Last night he was talking to Frank so how on earth could he have wound up in some guys bed?

Oh.

Gerard’s eyes pop open when he realizes that the reason he can’t remember what he did after leaving Frank’s apartment is because he never left Frank’s apartment. From there it’s pretty easy to figure out where he is.

Gerard mentally slaps himself in the face, but he doesn’t actually because he’s not sure he can do so without accidentally waking up Frank. Gerard’s pretty sure he’s still asleep. Now that he’s realized what’s happening he can make out Frank’s breathing, slow and consistent.

Gerard opens his eyes, lets them adjust to the dark so that he doesn’t trip over something. He’s facing away from Frank, but he’s pretty sure that Frank’s arm is on his waist and that freaks him out more than he’d care to admit. Why on earth is Frank touching him? Was that intentional or did his hand just end up there? Is Frank a sleep cuddler or something? Gerard likes to hope that he hadn’t been a willing participant in fucking spooning with Frank, because that’s messed up. Gerard cannot be in Frank’s bed, that can’t happen, but what would be a million times worse is if he was also willingly pressed up against Frank like this. He’s going to assume it’s an accident. It has to be, Frank doesn’t like him. Well he obviously likes Gerard, but he doesn’t, as a teenager would say ‘like him like him.’

He makes the decision after way too long to get up and get the fuck out of this apartment. He cannot be here right now. He doesn’t even know why he stayed over. That just doesn’t seem like him. True, this has been one of his best night sleeps in a very long time, but he can’t allow himself to like Frank. That’s out of the question.

Gerard rolls over the slightest bit until Frank’s hand falls to the mattress. Gerard’s heart stops as he waits for Frank to either wake up and have a conniption over the fact that Gerard is still in his bed, or some other unpredictable reaction. Much to Gerard’s relief he doesn’t wake up, he just sort of lies there, and makes a noise.

Gerard lets himself breathe a little, because his heart rate is too fast from the fear of waking Frank up. He honestly has the same feeling he would associate with being in a horror movie. He’s that terrified.

Gerard rushes to find his clothes, and pulls everything on as quickly as he can. He feels kind of gross, really wishes he could take a shower and wash the smell of Frank off of him, because Frank smells really nice and Gerard just can’t have that. He cannot live with the fact that he likes the way Frank smells. He would buy that as a candle scent, seriously, Frank smells amazing. That fact bothers Gerard. He’s not exactly sure himself what he smells like, because Gerard can’t really sniff himself. His nose doesn’t pick up the way he smells because he’s so accustomed to it. If Gerard has to guess, he’d say that he smells like coffee and mildly dirty laundry.

Gerard creeps out of Frank’s bedroom and into the living room, closing the door softly behind him. He finally lets himself breathe freely, out of the danger zone of where Frank was. Then he realizes that he’s missing a sock and Gerard has a long moment of debating whether he really cares about his sock that much or he just wants to be the weirdo who leaves a sock in another guy’s apartment. Then again, Gerard has every intention to never in his life ever see Frank again, so he might as well just leave his sock here. He has no reason to go get it if he tells himself that he’s not going to see Frank again.

With that, Gerard’s checking his pocket to see that he has his phone, and then he’s quietly making his way out of Frank’s apartment. He closes the front door behind him, locking it so that he can’t possibly get back in. He checks the door after he’s gone to feel that it’s locked, so he really is out of there, and he can’t get back in. Gerard than makes his walk of shame out of the building.

Twenty minutes later, as Gerard is walking into his own apartment building he’s still not sure how any of what happened last night happened. He checks his watch before he steps into his own apartment to see that it’s pushing nine in the morning. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have a job to go to. Gerard then groans, because he doesn’t have a job to go to. Which means, no money.

Gerard steps into his apartment and throws his jacket somewhere in the vicinity of a chair in the living room, and then he walks over to his room, and collapses onto his bed face first. He stays like that for about ten minutes, just trying to organize his thoughts. He cannot believe his life is like this. When did any of this happen? How is any of the crap that’s happened within the realm of possibility? This isn’t possible!

Gerard only moves because his phone starts ringing. He reaches into his pocket and grabs it, then tries to answer it. Gerard soon realizes that he can’t talk with his face pressed into a blanket so he lifts his head to the side and balances the phone on the side of his face. It’s probably not the most visually flattering way to talk to someone on the phone, but he doesn’t really care.

“What?” Gerard asks.

“You never came home last night so I’m assuming you slept with Frank,” Mikey’s voice says.

“That’s a pretty big leap to make.”

“Not really, I stayed at your apartment last night just to be sure, and you never came home, so you totally slept with Frank.”

“You slept in my apartment while I wasn’t here? Dude, that’s kind of extremely creepy,” Gerard says.

“No, because I was just making sure that my big brother got laid.”

“Okay, repeat what you just said to yourself and then cross examine it to realize that that’s basically the definition of creepy. I’m the older one, I’m supposed to be overbearing, not you, it’s just weird when you try to tell me what to do,” Gerard replies.

“Gerard, it would be so weird for both of us if I got married before you did,” Mikey tells him.

“You’re not even dating anyone! What? I don’t understand you, Mikey.”

“You’re not supposed to. I’m the enigmatic Way, you’re the geeky one who dresses like a hobo.”

“I resent that,” Gerard scowls.

“You didn’t deny sleeping with Frank, and that’s what we really need to talk about,” Mikey says.

“Well, I didn’t sleep with him,” Gerard lies.

“Oh my god!” Mikey says, making a horribly loud screaming sound that forces Gerard to pick his phone up and hold it away from his ear. Mikey’s coworkers must think he just got kidnapped by an army of pterodactyls.

“What the fuck Mikes?” Gerard says in response.

“I didn’t believe it until you just said it! Oh my god, I was just pulling your leg to see if you’d snap, but Gerard, you actually did it! You actually screwed him! I can’t believe this!” Mikey says, shouting into the phone so that Gerard has to hold it an inch away from his face.

“I didn’t! I told you that I didn’t sleep with him!”

“You’re an awful liar, Gee. You fucked Frank, this is great progress!”

“Progress? Mikey, nothing happened,” Gerard repeats.

“In the words of my ancestors, liar liar pants on fire.”

“Mikey! I... what makes you think... okay, seriously, what am I doing wrong? I don’t know how you could possibly have figured that out just by me talking to you.”

“I know you like the back of my hand. Actually, that’s a stupid expression, I don’t know the back of my hand very well at all. I know you like I know random trivia facts about Star Wars, Gerard. You had sex with Frank, and I could hear your lie in your voice. Face it, you can’t lie to me. You never have been able to and you never will be able to. So, how was he then?”

“Okay, you might get me to admit to it actually happening, but if you think I’m going to tell you any details than you are out of your fucking mind,” Gerard says.

“Best sex you ever had, huh?” Mikey says, and Gerard makes an exasperated noise. How does Mikey do that? Is he an actual mind reader?

“That is none of your concern.”

“You totally want to tap him again.”

“I’m never going to even see him again,” Gerard says.

“Oh yes you are,” Mikey states.

“No! I will not. That was it. I just, we just, I just needed to get that longing or, curiosity I guess, out of my system. Now that I know what it’s like, I’ll be fine.”

“You can’t just make your feelings for him go away because it’s convenient. If that were so than people would know how to get away from toxic friendships. People would be able to get out of anything toxic for that matter. You can’t just squash the way you feel for him, and we both know that. Gerard, you like him. You slept with him, and now you like him more. Right now you’re thinking about last night and wishing you could teleport back and relive it.”

“Ew,” Gerard says, “Mikey, your head is stuck in the clouds.”

“You know I’m right,” Mikey says, “And if I wasn’t right before, than you sure as hell are daydreaming about it now. You want him. You want him the way I want cheesecake and six hundred million dollars. Well, with that much money I could probably buy a couple of cheesecakes, but that’s not the point. The point is that you want to go back to Frank and kiss him like nobody’s business.”

“Well, if it’s nobody’s business, then why are you asking me about him?”

“Because I am the only one who deserves to know all the juicy secrets about you and Frank’s love affair.”

“You just need to keep your head out of my life sometimes,” Gerard says.

“Gerard, I have an obligation to stick my head in every facet of your life. Which one of us is trying to find you your soul mate? Answer, not you.”

“You’re such a dick sometimes.”

“Gerard, if I’m not a dick all the time than I am doing something very wrong,” Mikey says.

“Fine. You’re an asshole 24/7.”

“Thank you,” Mikey says. “Now, when are you next going to see Frank?”

“Never.”

“So, tonight then?” Mikey asks.

“Never means not ever, Mikey.”

“No it doesn’t, because I will not let you. I will not let you go more than a couple days without Frank. I will tie you to a chair and ship that chair to Frank. I will cut off your feet and then drag you to Frank. I will do anything to make sure you have no way of avoiding him.”

“You can’t make me see him. Mikey, I don’t want to see him, I will never want to see him, and if you force me to see him I will cut off your balls while you’re sleeping.”

“Well then I guess I won’t have kids, because, Gerard, I will do whatever it takes to make you realize what a dunderhead you are. No movie company will ever pick up this story unless you wind up together in the end. I mean, who wants to go to a movie theater and see you and Frank end up with different people? No one wants Frank to win some big jock and you a Luke Skywalker lookalike, they want you together. You, my dearest brother, have got to end up with Frank or else the world will fall into disorder and chaos.”

“I didn’t know my dick was in charge of anarchy,” Gerard says.

“Well it is if you’re not with Frank!” Mikey says, “If you don’t fuck Frank than the natural order of things will get all messed up. If that’s not reason enough for you to go back to that motherfucker and bang him like it’s the end of the world, than I don’t think I can call you my brother. I mean, you’d let the world fall into pandemonium just because you haven’t had the realization that you’re Frank’s soulmate? Just because you’re pride is keeping the two of you apart, you’d let the whole world go down with you? You’re such a disgrace.”

“Mikey, we’ve established that I like Frank, but the thing is that we don’t like each other in the way that you want us to. He’s cute, and he’s nice, and I like him and all, but I can never stop seeing him as that bitch who ruined my life when I was little. I mean, the cow shit in my locker I can live with. The time he egged my window, the name calling, and all the other crap, that’s not really ideal, but I can live with it, because we were teenagers and we were stupid. It’s just that we were friends, and he ruined that with a prank! He blamed me for this shit that I didn’t do, and then he gets the nerve to just stop talking to me, while also trying to deny that he ever did anything to me. All for his dumb pride. I’ll never get over the fact that he ruined our friendship over something as little as a prank that I didn’t even pull.”

Mikey makes a sound on the other end of the phone, “I’ll see what I can do about patching that up.”

“What?” Gerard asks.

“Gotta go,” Mikey says, “I’ll talk to you later.”

“What? Mikey-” Gerard hears the line go dead and he’s seriously confused as to how abruptly that conversation was stopped. What the hell did Mikey mean about ‘patching that up’? Mikey’s not magical, even if he likes to think so. Gerard cannot and never will forgive Frank for his cruelty. Putting paint in a hat? There’s taking things too far and then there was what Frank did. Pranks do not leave you permanently scarred, and tear your friendships apart. That’s called being a gigantic piece of shit. Frank can’t take that back, and Gerard can’t forgive him for it. Even if Frank apologized, he can’t take it back. If Mikey thinks that it can all just be patched up then he is a massive idiot.

“Whatever,” Gerard says, knowing that he’ll never understand Mikey nearly as well as he seems to understand Gerard. If it means getting Mikey off his back for a little while, then Gerard will just let it happen.