I'm in Hate With You

I woke up slowly, still in Daniel's arms like normal.

I shrugged out of them. I did not want him to touch me. I slid out of bed and pattered into the kitchen quietly, feeling the cold wood under my feet. Even in March, it always managed to be cold.

Damn, it was good to be home. We had gotten home late last night, after Daniel and I walked around the farm for a long time, all the while Daniel griping me about "wanting a big farm with horses" and "wanting a bunch of kids" (which I quickly refused).

Yesterday had been awkward. I mean, I had actually convinced myself that I loved him !

I laughed out loud at the thought. That was the funniest thing I'd heard in a while. Loving Daniel ? That's like being in love with Satan !

I scratched my head and wanted coffee suddenly. I didn't even like coffee. It tasted like dirty water to me. Of course, being pregnant, I couldn't even drink coffee anyway.

I patted my stomach. I wondered what the baby would look like. Would it have supermodel gorgeousness like Daniel ? Or would it look normal, like me ? I hoped it'd be a girl. I wanted a girl so I could dress her up and play dolls and-

I laughed again at that thought. I hated dress-up. And dolls.

So, maybe I could teach my daughter to be awesome, like me. Because I am awesome. I am.

Daniel emerged from the bedroom, hair disheveled and looking like he hadn't gotten much sleep. "Sounds like someone's cheery this morning," he observed.

I shrugged. "Maybe," I replied.

Daniel grabbed milk from the fridge and poured it into a glass. It had taken a long time to keep him from drinking it straight out of the carton.

He took a gulp and cocked his head to the side. "So, did you have pleasant dreams last night ?" he questioned.

My head got hot. I had a dream and me and Daniel were kissing. On a piano. What can I say ? It's been a lifetime dream ! "Uh... ya, I guess..." I told him.

"Summer, Summer, Summer," he chastised.

"What ?" I demanded.

"You really need to stop pretending that you don't want me," he told me seriously.

"Who's pretending !?" I spat, narrowing my eyes at him. "I don't want you. Why does everything you think have to be physical ?!"

"Who the hell said I was talking physical ?! I'm being serious !" he yelled.

"What makes you think I even like you at all !?" I asked.

He looked at me for a moment and grinned cockily. "You say my name in your sleep," he informed me.

I did what ? "I do not !" I argued, trying to call his bluff.

"You do. Daniel ! Daniel !" he mimicked in a falsetto voice.

"Shut up ! You're such a liar !"

"I'm a lot of things, Summer, but a liar is not one of them."

"You know, if I do say your name in my sleep, it's probably because I'm yelling at you !"

"No... it's more... how would I put it ? Lustful." He smirked slightly.

"Ya right ! You're probably imagining it !"

"I just don't get you at all ! How can you deny it !?"

"Deny what !?"

"That you love me ! You have to ! Jesus Christ, Lacy ! Why do you have to be so stubborn ?!"

"Daniel... I don't love you !"

"You do ! Quit denying it !"

I rolled my eyes. "Dream big !" I shouted, walking away from him. It was going to be a long day.

* * * *

Daniel didn't bother me about it again. What he did was worse; he left me alone.

I really hated him doing this. It was so immature.

I started thinking. Maybe that's what he wanted with his sick little mind.

What if I did ? Then what ? Did he even like me back ?

God I hated him.

So back to thoughts.

If he liked me back, I guess it wouldn't be a problem.

But was I willing to admit defeat ?

Did I love him ?

Dammit I did ! I loved him from the moment he called me Summer. I know this was my second time admitting this, but this time, it was serious.

I had to tell him.

I loved him so much. Damn ! How did he do this to me ? He totally had me wrapped around his finger. It was pathetic. I'd never felt so weak.

I was so afraid. What if he didn't love me the way I loved him ? God, I'd probably die. Okay, maybe not, but I'd be extremely emotionally scarred. Then everything would be so weird between us...

I wanted to pound my head on the floor. How did he take me so easily ?

Ya, his eyes were the brightest blue I'd ever seen, and ya, his hair was awesome, and yes, he had amazing legs... but... what was it ?

The lip rings, maybe. They were cute.

Maybe it wasn't his looks that made me fall in love with him. Maybe it was his personality.

Ha ! Ya right. He's the biggest ass on the planet.

Yet, I loved him unconditionally.

Maybe it was his ass-like qualities that got me. He always made fun of me... yet maybe I secretly loved it.

Or maybe it was the way he said "Summer" in that smooth voice of his.

Or maybe... maybe it was the way he held me when I cried. And whispered to me when I was upset. And soothed me when I was angry.

Maybe it was the way he kissed me, like there was nothing else in the world that mattered.

It could have been all of those things. But, it didn't matter. What matter was that I loved him, and I was going to tell him.

Tomorrow.