You're the Reason I Can't Sleep at Night

Vic ~

“Hey,” Mike said and took a sip from the coffee in his hand. “Hey,” I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping he didn’t know that I had had sex with Kellin.
I wasn’t ashamed or anything, but still…it’d be weird. “So I guess Oli’s here?” he asked. “Um, why?” He raised his eyebrows at me in surprise.
“You didn’t hear him? I mean, all I did was walk by, but your room is right next to his. I thought you would be pissed that he was so loud,”
I shook my head and shrugged. “I guess I was just really tired,” I lied. Mike shrugged too and watched me walk upstairs. I silently wondered how mike hadn’t noticed that Oli’s name wasn’t spoken, or moaned, once last night. If he had heard Kellin, then surely he would’ve heard him say my name? I shook the thought away before going into my bedroom. Kellin was still in the shower, avoiding the looming problem of having to talk to me.
I had tried to ask him if we could talk later, but was silenced by his lips every time that I brought it up. We did need to talk though. I knew that Kellin cared about Oli, and although they hadn’t been dating for very long, I knew that Kellin got attached quickly; he’d definitely be upset about it for a while. There was also an issue between us. I loved Kellin, and I was starting to think that I was in love with him. I didn’t know if he still felt the same, or if he even wanted me at all now. Maybe I had just been a rebound for him.
Kellin was vulnerable last night and we certainly shouldn’t have had sex. But it happened and now he was avoiding it.
I sighed and fell backwards onto my bed. What was I going to do with him? ~

Kellin ~

I had been avoiding Vic since we got out of the shower although I knew he was waiting to talk to me. The only problem with that though, was that he wanted to talk about my feelings, and I had no idea what to feel.
I was hurt and betrayed and kind of heartbroken about Oli, but I still really cared for Vic. I had been in love with him for years and now was no different. I wanted to be with him, but wasn’t I supposed to be sad for a while? I mean, my boyfriend had been cheating and lying to me since the night that we met and I felt so hurt because of it but another part of me didn’t even care.
That part wanted me to go running into Vic’s arms like he was my night in shining armor and I had kind of already done it. We should not have had sex, but I had practically begged him for it. I knew then that it was wrong too, but I wanted him anyways.
Every time I went through a break-up Vic was there for me, and this time was exactly the same—well, mostly the same. Usually he didn’t comfort me with sex, but still, he was always there for me to fall back on, and last night was no different. It seemed like anytime something wrong happened in my life, I went to Vic and he just magically fixed it for me. And yet he had never loved me back.
I had accepted that as a fact a long time ago, but lately things had changed. I could almost tell that Vic liked me, to some degree, and considering we had slept together multiple times by now, I was sure that he was attracted to me. But how far could that really go? I mean, Vic didn’t love me, not the way that I wanted him to, and if I took this further than just friendship; it could get ruined.
What if we were to break up? What if we ended up hating each other? I wasn’t sure if I was willing to risk it. Vic had been a part for my life for as long as I could remember and I knew I couldn’t live without him. This couldn’t end badly, but the odds were stacked against us. What was I supposed to do…?
My thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking and scaring me half to death. I jumped off of my chair unsteadily and went to open the door for whoever it was.
Oli stood there, making me instantly regret answering the door. “Kellin, wait,” he said as I tried to slam the door shut again.
His hand caught the edge of it, stopping it from closing. “Please just listen to me,” he pleaded. “And why should I? You lied to me. You cheated on me!”
Oli flinched and nodded. “And I’m sorry. But please, just let me explain,” he said. I glared, letting my breath huff out angrily. “You have exactly two minutes,” I said without really thinking it through. I didn’t want to see him, let alone listen to his excuses.
“First, I just want to say that I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you from the start, and I wish that I had been because you are such an amazing, wonderful person Kellin. I’m an idiot and I shouldn’t have lied to you,” he said.
“I know that you have no reason to forgive me, and I’ll understand if you don’t, but I had my reasons. Hannah and I have been having problems for a while and lately I haven’t been happy with her at all. You were what made me happy, and I realized that Kellin, so I was going to break it off with her. I was planning on calling off our engagement because I wanted to be with you, but you found out before I could. I swear I was going to end things. And I know that you probably don’t believe me and that I don’t deserve another chance, but please, please give me one anyways. I care about you Kellin and I don’t want to lose you too. Not over her,” he said.
I scoffed and shook my head. “So what? You couldn’t get her back and decided you’d give it a shot with me? You don’t deserve another chance and you can’t have one,” I shot back. I was really mad at him and kind of disgusted.
“Please Kellin, don’t do this,” I shook my head and then sighed. “I’m sorry Oli. I really did like you but…I don’t trust you. Not anymore at least, and you were already so jealous…I just…I don’t think that we should do this. Please respect that,” I said.
He nodded slowly, letting his determined energy melt away. “I guess I understand,” he whispered sadly. I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling like crying. Some small part of me wanted to take him back, but I knew that I couldn’t. I really didn’t trust him anymore, especially not enough to date him.
“I’ll see you around then?” I nodded, not meeting his eyes, and then waiting until he started walking away to close the door.
I walked through our house to the beach to find a good place to cry. It was getting close to sunset and not many people were around, thankfully. I didn’t feel like being in the house, mostly because I didn’t want comfort. I wanted to sit and bawl my eyes out like a child because I just didn’t know what to do.
How am I still in love with Vic if I feel like this? It hurt so badly to think about never talking to Oli again, or not seeing him. I liked him and I really did care about him.
I fell into the sand, a few feet away from the tide on a hill. It was quiet, other than the sounds of the water, brushing up against the shore soothingly, and providing me with the perfect place to be sad.
I sniffled and let the tears drip down my cheeks as I stared out at the sunset. It looked really pretty as the reddish sun slowly faded into the water. They sky was tinted beautiful pink and red shades, only adding to how stunning it all looked.
This is where I met Oli.
I cried harder thinking about it. I had been sitting in the sand, crying over a guy and for some reason he wanted to make me feel better. Who the hell does that? Why did he just have to go and do that? I mean….
I shook my head as a little so escaped my lips. I probably looked like a psycho, crying on the beach, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I just wanted someone to really like me back for once. Someone who wasn’t going to hurt me.
“Kell,”
I sniffled and rubbed at my eyes before looking up at him. Vic sat down beside me and then gently squeezed my knee. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “About Oli. I know you liked him and that I’m probably the last person you want to talk to about it…but you’ll be okay. It won’t hurt forever,”
Vic went to pull his hand as away as I took it, only to have me wrap it around myself. I leant into his side and started sobbing, crying over another boy directly in front of him. I knew that it wasn’t fair to him, but I still needed this….
“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay,” He let me cry like that until the sun was almost gone, washing us in pinkish-purple light.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and leant back over. “It’s fine. You’re allowed to be sad, you know,” I nodded and rubbed the tears off of my face.
“We should talk about us,” I said then. “Kellin we don’t have to. It can wait,” I shook my head gently. If he was going to break my heart too then I wanted to get it all done at once. “I still love you,” I whispered, looking out at the ocean in front of us.
“I don’t know what you want from me, but I do care about you. And I want you Kellin. This is probably a really bad time to start this, but I want to, if you do too,”
I smiled a little and nodded. “I do want to. I want you to love me, as more than just your friend, and I want to be with you. But what if we mess this up? What if it ends badly?”
Vic shook his head at me. “It won’t. Kellin, we’ve been friends since we were little kids. Do you really think that I would just throw that all away?” he asked.
“That’s what I mean. If we break up and it ends badly, then what if we don’t want to be friends anymore? I don’t know what I would do without you,” I admitted, more scared than before.
“It won’t happen. I will always be here for you Kellin, and I promise, it won’t end badly, if it even ends at all. I want this,” he said and then kissed me.
I gasped as his lips touched mine gently before he pulled away from me again. “Are we doing this?” he asked, more excitement in his voice than before.
I paused for a moment before nodding. I did want this, and I guess we would just have to deal with the consequences later.
Vic smiled and kissed me, harder than before. I smiled and kissed back, filling it with everything that I felt for him. I loved him.
His tongue slipped into my mouth, moving against my own as his hand gently held my face. I tangled my fingers into his pretty curls and laughed quietly as he knocked us both over. My back hit the sand behind us as we continued to make out on the beach.
“Go Kellin!” Vic and I both jumped and then pulled apart to look at whoever had said it. I smiled as I saw Alex, Ashley and Jack, all standing on our porch. They were all grinning and suddenly cheering.
I shook my head, overcome with laughter as Vic’s cheeks turned pink. He started laughing with me until we could barely breathe.
We finally stopped, Vic kissing me again. I smiled as he stood up then and held his hands out to me. I let him pull me up so that we could walk back to the house together.
The three of them were still standing there, with wide grins on their faces. “So…whatcha been up to?” Jack asked, making me smile. Vic looked over at me and then twined his fingers with mine.
I felt my cheeks heat up as he looked into my eyes, happier than I had seen him in a while. “You guys are together?” alex asked, just for confirmation.
I smiled back at him and nodded. It felt so good to finally be able to say that. I had been dreaming about it my whole life and this moment was just so rewarding.
“Okay cool. We all thought so, but you know, thought we’d ask first rather than make it all awkward.”
My smile faltered slightly as he spoke, mostly in confusion. “What do you mean you knew?” I asked. “Well Vic actually told Ash that he liked you, but we heard you last night. I mean, how could we not?”
I blushed again and looked away. “I have no idea what you mean,” I lied. “Oh please. You were practically screaming. ‘Oh God Vic! Harder!” he mocked, even as I swatted at him.
“I don’t sound like that!” They all laughed at me as they walked inside, including Vic. “Hey, you’re supposed to be nice to me,” I complained with a pout on my lips. Vic just smiled and leant over to kiss my temple. “I am very nice to you,” he said. “In fact, I’m lovely,” I laughed, shaking my head as he pulled me into the house. “You’re ridiculous,” ~