You're the Reason I Can't Sleep at Night

“Kellin,” Vic said, the second I walked through the door. I frowned when I saw him, the thoughts of last night and what he had said to me returning.
“Hm?” I asked, trying to think about Oli. He had been so kind to try and make me feel better; a total stranger. “I don’t think of you as a slut,” he said, cringing a little at his own words. “Okay…so? You don’t like me, not the way that matters,”
His expression turned confused. “What do you—do you like me that way?” he asked.
I sighed and looked down at the floor. “You’re so oblivious,” I said and shook my head. “Kellin, answer me,” I looked up then, meeting his confused gaze.
“I love you,” I said, the entire room feeling eerily silent and tense. “I can’t remember a time that I didn’t, but it doesn’t matter. You don’t love me,” I whispered.
Shit, I’m crying again.
Vic just stood there, looking shell-shocked and confused. I shook my head and walked past him, not wanting hm to see me cry over him.
He didn’t follow me this time, probably too stunned to. I closed my bedroom door behind myself, and stripped out of my clothes mechanically before falling into bed.
I cried myself to sleep.

I jumped awake, frightened by the massive crack of thunder outside my room. My bedroom lit up suddenly, scaring me again.
I didn’t particularly like thunderstorms, but they seemed worse here. First, it was louder, and second, the water made it stronger.
I also didn’t like the way the room lit up every time a flash of lightening struck. I hated how I could only see for a second, and for some stupid reason, my mind always made me think that I would see something frightening that wasn’t visible in the dark.
Basically, I was afraid of thunderstorms.
I squeaked as another loud boom shook the house, my room flashing again. I got my phone out of my jeans, hoping to find some sort of distraction.
It opened up to my contacts, Oli’s name highlighted. He must’ve just turned it off before he gave it back.
I smiled to myself and opened his contact to a new message.
Kellin: hi, it’s Kellin
I knew he probably wouldn’t answer, but whatever. I scrolled though Facebook for a while before a little message popped up. ‘Oli sent a text’
Yes, thank you phone, I see that.
I opened it, smiling as I read it.
Oli: hi…I told you so
Kellin: I hear that, it woke me up
Oli: me too
Kellin: make it stop
Oli: I can’t. I don’t control the weather
Kellin:  I hate thunderstorms
Oli: aw, are you afraid?
Kellin: you had better not be mocking me
Oli: no, it’s cute
Kellin: no it’s not, it’s silly and childish
Oli: cute
Kellin: nope
Oli: whatever, how are you?
Kellin: 
Oli: why, what’s wrong?
Oli: did he upset you again?
Kellin: yes
Oli: I’m sorry, what did he do?
Kellin: asked me if I liked him
Kellin: he’s oblivious
Oli: and stupid
Kellin: hey
Oli: what? He is
Oli: you’re adorable and he made you cry
Oli: therefore stupid
I smiled a little at that and sighed before nearly jumping out of my skin.
Oli: omg that was loud
Kellin: yes and I think I just died
Oli: no you didn’t
Kellin: my heart’s racing
Oli: you got scared
Kellin: I nearly jumped out of bed
Oli: aw
Kellin: it’s not cute, don’t aw at me
Oli: are you always this stubborn?
Kellin: I’m not stubborn
Oli: so yes then
Kellin: no
Oli: okay Kellin
Kellin: I’m not
Oli: I believe you
Kellin: liar
Oli: nope
Kellin: you’re good at distractions
Oli: I try
Kellin: it works
Oli: good, did I make you smile yet? 
Kellin: no
Oli: liar
Kellin: nope
Oli: who’s not stubborn?
Kellin: shut up
Oli: nope
I rolled my eyes, realizing that I was smiling…still….
Oli: go out with me?
Kellin: I already said yes
Oli: I meant tomorrow
Kellin: okay
Oli: wait, no it’s supposed to rain
Oli: stay in with me?
Kellin: you’re silly
Oli: basically
Kellin: okay, as long as we can watch movies
Oli: of course
Kellin: Can we watch Disney?
Oli: if you want to
Kellin: I want to
Oli: okay
Oli: we can order pizza too
Kellin: okay
Kellin: where?
Oli: your place?
Oli: my roommate is here and he’s obnoxious
Oli: plus my apartment’s shit and not at all tidy right now
Kellin: okay…who says tidy
Oli: I do. Is there a problem
Kellin: it sounds old
Oli: no it doesn’t
Kellin: who’s stubborn now?
Oli: bite me
Kellin: gladly
Oli: omg are you flirting with me?
Kellin: I don’t know what you’re talking about
Oli: oh okay
Oli: you’re cute
Kellin: you too
Kellin: I like your accent
Oli: omg you’re gonna make me blush
Kellin: liar
Oli: no
Kellin: why were you out tonight?
Oli: I was swimming
Oli: that’s what the wetsuit was for; it’s cold
Kellin: oh
Oli: do you swim?
Kellin: duh I live at the beach
Oli: rude
Oli: have you ever skinny dipped?
Kellin: no
Kellin: have you?
Oli: yes
Kellin: and?
Oli: and it was cold af
Kellin: were you night swimming?
Oli: yeah, in December
Kellin: what for, silly?
Oli: a dare
Kellin: omg, you’re crazy
Oli: probably
Kellin: I like you
Oli: you don’t even know me
Kellin: so?
Oli: I like you too
Oli: so far
Kellin: what is that supposed to mean?!
Oli: I’m teasing
Kellin: oh okay
Oli: I should go to bed
Kellin: me too
Oli: okay
Oli: how’s noon for tomorrow?
Kellin: good
Kellin: do you need my address?
Oli: no, I think I’ll be ok
Kellin: okay
Oli: goodnight
Kellin: night
Oli: sweet dreams
I smiled and set my phone down. I couldn’t remember the last time I stayed up texting someone. Probably not since high school. I smiled and closed my eyes, actually falling asleep. ~

I went downstairs, freezing as I saw Vic and Alex. “Hey,” Alex said awkwardly. I could tell they were talking about me from the looks on their faces.
“What?” I asked and went to pour myself a glass of water. “Nothing…um, I’m gonna go find Jack,” Alex said and left the room hastily. Vic stood up, a nervous look on his face.
“Can I talk to you?” he asked, irritating me.
“Oh, now you want to talk?” He nodded and frowned. “What about when I wanted to talk? How is that fair?” I asked.
“It’s not and I’m sorry. I just—Kellin, I don’t feel that way about you. I mean, I love you, I’ve always loved you, but not—“But you’re not gay for me. I know, I get it,” I said, being unnecessarily cold to him. “Look, Kellin, I just—I don’t know. I’m not gay,” he said softly, “I was curious and I took advantage of you, and I’m sorry,”
I nodded and sipped my water. “Okay…. Thanks,” I whispered, looking down at my glass.
“Are we okay?” I nodded a bit. “Cool,” he stood there awkwardly for a minute before walking away.
I sighed and finished my drink before going back to my room. I spent an hour putting on different things, trying to look cute before Oli got here.
It was only raining a little, although it was slowly picking up. I sighed and walked away from my mirror just as my phone vibrated. “Hi,” I said, knowing it was him,
“Hey, I’m outside,” he said. “Okay, you can come in, I’ll be right down,” He hung up after that, probably to walk inside.
“Hi,” I said, the second I saw him, awkwardly standing by the door. “Hi,”
He smiled back at me and let me take his hand. “I would’ve brought pizza, but it’s raining already,” I nodded and shrugged. “I can later,” Oli smiled and followed me down to the basement.
“This is really nice,” he said, looking around. “Thanks,” He nodded and sat down on the couch, smiling at me. “You look good,” I blushed a little and looked down at myself.
I really didn’t, although I had tried to.
I had put on a pair of black, ripped jeans and a light blue t-shirt, making sure the design on the front matched. “Um, thanks,”
Oli watched me put a movie on, his eyes following me everywhere I went. “What movie is it?” he asked. “The Lion King,” He smiled and rested his arm around my shoulders, sending another blush to my cheeks.
We sat quietly, both just watching the movie.
“Hey Kellin…who’s this?” I jumped a little and looked at Vic from his spot on the stairs.
“Um, this is Oli, a friend of mine. Oli, this is Vic,” Oli smiled a little and tightened his arm around me. Vic didn’t really smile, just looking at us.
“How do you know him?” I sighed and stood up. “Go away, we’re trying to watch a movie,” I said and tried to push him back up the steps.
“Ouch Kell, I’m hurt you don’t want me around,” I frowned and shook my head. “Just be quiet,”
Vic shrugged and then walked back upstairs. “That was odd,” Oli said, looking after him. “He’s odd,”
He smiled at that and leant closer to me. ~
One movie turned into six, the two of us eating pizza and mostly ignoring the movies as we talked. “You’re so cute,” Oli said, smiling at me.
“No I’m not,” Oli nodded and grinned. “Ugh, whatever,” I smiled down at my hands, not noticing how close he was.
I blinked, a blush spreading over my cheeks as he moved closer to me. His lips brushed against mine lightly, a frown on his lips when I turned away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Um…nothing, can we just, like, go slowly?” Oli smiled softly and nodded, tilting my chin up to look at him. “Could I still kiss you anyways?”
I gave him a half-smile and nodded, letting him press his mouth to mine. He didn’t do anything else; just lightly touching my lips with his before pulling away. I smiled at how sweet he was and leant my head on his shoulder. ~