The Pro's and Con's of Breathing
Intro
“My parents are leaving this weekend.” His hand wrapped itself around my own, squeezing for a second or two, speaking nonchalantly. “Do you want to stay with me?” Walked at a relaxed pace, we paid little attention to anything other than ourselves. The walk to his car was always long, but it wasn’t bad. It was May and the sun was just starting to permeate the thick layers of cold, a result of the Chicago winter. All winter I had wanted the sun to come back. Now I wanted it gone again. His parents were gone frequently. His dad worked in the city at some law firm. Depending on the case, it was sometimes easier if he stayed in the city for a few days. Naturally his mother, if that was even an appropriate title for a women like her, would go with him.
“Sure.” My mother gave up on telling me no. As bad as that sounds, she brought it on herself. That’s just what happens when you spend more time trying to get remarried than raising a child. My dad wasn’t part of my life. He left a few months after I was born.
I opened the passenger side door, tossing my backpack into the back seat as I sat down. The familiar smell of cigarettes and air freshener was comforting. Chris was honestly the closest thing I had to a family. He knew how I felt. He was definitely the black sheep in his family. His older brother, Eric, was away at NIU studying business. Chris was going to be lucky if he could make it into Harper. Now by no means of the imagination is Chris dumb. He is just not that kind of smart. Unfortunately that’s all the ACT tests for. Chris fiddled with the radio, before settling on some random station that was playing music that wasn’t completely horrible. Chris lit his cigarette, inhaling the smoke the same way he had done every day after school since we were 15. The smoke twisted and dissolved into the air, filling his car with the stale smell of cheap menthol.
The car was comfortably silent, except for the radio. After six years, we were comfortable not talking just as much as talking. Senior year was finishing up slowly. Each day closer to commencement felt longer and less bearable. After being surrounding by judgmental pricks all day, there was solace in not having to worry about what to say.
After a few minutes, we ended up parked on the curb outside my house. Moving my body slightly to face him, I pressed my lips casually against his. As I pulled away, he followed, kissing me again with more intensity than the previous kiss. Smiling, I pulled away.
“I’ll be right back.” He smiled at me as I closed his door.
It wasn't a surprise that my mother wasn't home. She usually worked relatively late hours. Occasionally when she wasn't working, she was out with her coworkers. Most of the time I had the house to myself. I scanned the kitchen as I walked through, making sure she didn’t leave me any notes. She wouldn't be surprised when she got home and I wasn’t here. There was a small chance she would call me to see where I was either.
Without thinking I hastily shoved the necessary things for a weekend into my now empty backpack. I closed my door behind me as I walked through the kitchen on last time, and then proceeded to lock my front door. I opened the door to his car once again, tossing my backpack to the back as I buckled myself in.
When we got to his house, we went straight to his room. He dropped his backpack onto the floor, immediately following I did the same. He dropped himself onto his bed, sighing.
“I can’t fucking wait till June.” I said, while opening my backpack and pulling my leggings out. The air hitting my legs as I slipped my pants off gave me goose bumps. As soon as I stepped out of my pants I stepped into my leggings, pulling them up quickly. Chris’ house was always chilly. I dug around in my backpack, pulling out my phone charger and proceeding to plug it in to his wall. The only person that I could imagine trying to contact me was my mom, so I put it on silent and plugs it in.
“Do you ever think about what we’re going to do after this is over?” The look on his face was unsettling but his question made me think. It wasn’t something that I tried to think about all the time because I had no idea what I wanted and if I did know, I would have no idea how to accomplish any of it.
“No, not really.” My answer didn’t seem to make him feel any better. With that being said, when he got into these moods there wasn’t a lot that could make him feel okay. Chris was sort of a tragic figure. His life wasn’t necessarily a shitty one, but he seemed to get the short end of the stick more often than not.
“I just feel like there’s no point to any of this.” I positioned myself at the head of his bed, and he moved himself to face me.
“We’ll figure it out.” I assured him. “We have time. We don’t magically become adults when we graduate.”
“Yeah. I guess.” He half smiled. I crawled over to him, straddling him not in a seductive manner, but more playfully. His smile grew as I did so, the Chris that I knew showing through.
“Let’s not worry about this right now,” I started, as I leaned in to press my lips against his. It was a brief kiss, but the change in demeanor was all that he needed. He took the initiative to kiss me back, this time much more intensely. He took hold of my hips, moving me back to the head of his bed, laying me down. My lips parted as he started to kiss me again, allowing his tongue entrance. His breathing brushing against my skin sent waves of excitement throughout my body. He pulled himself away, a soft look gracing his face.
“I just want to hold you right now.” While lowering myself onto the small strip of bed between the wall and Chris, he shifted to give me more room. He looked me straight in the eyes, with a sort of pained look. “I love you.”
He pressed his lips against mine. Smiling as he pulled away, I whispered “I love you too.” We moved together, and before I could even realize it we were sleeping.
“Sure.” My mother gave up on telling me no. As bad as that sounds, she brought it on herself. That’s just what happens when you spend more time trying to get remarried than raising a child. My dad wasn’t part of my life. He left a few months after I was born.
I opened the passenger side door, tossing my backpack into the back seat as I sat down. The familiar smell of cigarettes and air freshener was comforting. Chris was honestly the closest thing I had to a family. He knew how I felt. He was definitely the black sheep in his family. His older brother, Eric, was away at NIU studying business. Chris was going to be lucky if he could make it into Harper. Now by no means of the imagination is Chris dumb. He is just not that kind of smart. Unfortunately that’s all the ACT tests for. Chris fiddled with the radio, before settling on some random station that was playing music that wasn’t completely horrible. Chris lit his cigarette, inhaling the smoke the same way he had done every day after school since we were 15. The smoke twisted and dissolved into the air, filling his car with the stale smell of cheap menthol.
The car was comfortably silent, except for the radio. After six years, we were comfortable not talking just as much as talking. Senior year was finishing up slowly. Each day closer to commencement felt longer and less bearable. After being surrounding by judgmental pricks all day, there was solace in not having to worry about what to say.
After a few minutes, we ended up parked on the curb outside my house. Moving my body slightly to face him, I pressed my lips casually against his. As I pulled away, he followed, kissing me again with more intensity than the previous kiss. Smiling, I pulled away.
“I’ll be right back.” He smiled at me as I closed his door.
It wasn't a surprise that my mother wasn't home. She usually worked relatively late hours. Occasionally when she wasn't working, she was out with her coworkers. Most of the time I had the house to myself. I scanned the kitchen as I walked through, making sure she didn’t leave me any notes. She wouldn't be surprised when she got home and I wasn’t here. There was a small chance she would call me to see where I was either.
Without thinking I hastily shoved the necessary things for a weekend into my now empty backpack. I closed my door behind me as I walked through the kitchen on last time, and then proceeded to lock my front door. I opened the door to his car once again, tossing my backpack to the back as I buckled myself in.
When we got to his house, we went straight to his room. He dropped his backpack onto the floor, immediately following I did the same. He dropped himself onto his bed, sighing.
“I can’t fucking wait till June.” I said, while opening my backpack and pulling my leggings out. The air hitting my legs as I slipped my pants off gave me goose bumps. As soon as I stepped out of my pants I stepped into my leggings, pulling them up quickly. Chris’ house was always chilly. I dug around in my backpack, pulling out my phone charger and proceeding to plug it in to his wall. The only person that I could imagine trying to contact me was my mom, so I put it on silent and plugs it in.
“Do you ever think about what we’re going to do after this is over?” The look on his face was unsettling but his question made me think. It wasn’t something that I tried to think about all the time because I had no idea what I wanted and if I did know, I would have no idea how to accomplish any of it.
“No, not really.” My answer didn’t seem to make him feel any better. With that being said, when he got into these moods there wasn’t a lot that could make him feel okay. Chris was sort of a tragic figure. His life wasn’t necessarily a shitty one, but he seemed to get the short end of the stick more often than not.
“I just feel like there’s no point to any of this.” I positioned myself at the head of his bed, and he moved himself to face me.
“We’ll figure it out.” I assured him. “We have time. We don’t magically become adults when we graduate.”
“Yeah. I guess.” He half smiled. I crawled over to him, straddling him not in a seductive manner, but more playfully. His smile grew as I did so, the Chris that I knew showing through.
“Let’s not worry about this right now,” I started, as I leaned in to press my lips against his. It was a brief kiss, but the change in demeanor was all that he needed. He took the initiative to kiss me back, this time much more intensely. He took hold of my hips, moving me back to the head of his bed, laying me down. My lips parted as he started to kiss me again, allowing his tongue entrance. His breathing brushing against my skin sent waves of excitement throughout my body. He pulled himself away, a soft look gracing his face.
“I just want to hold you right now.” While lowering myself onto the small strip of bed between the wall and Chris, he shifted to give me more room. He looked me straight in the eyes, with a sort of pained look. “I love you.”
He pressed his lips against mine. Smiling as he pulled away, I whispered “I love you too.” We moved together, and before I could even realize it we were sleeping.