Relax, Baby, That's a Good Girl
These Less Than Threes Will Never Rest.
I didn't see Matt the next day.
I didn't see Matt the day after that.
I didn't see Matt the next Monday morning before class.
And meanwhile, I had time to think.
That day at lunch, I was sitting with Sonny, who I'd gotten pretty close with. He always knew how to make me laugh. He was energetic, but when it came down to it, he was a great listener, too. And I loved that about him.
As I was sitting there with no food or not even a drink because I just didn't feel like it, he got up and walked away. Barely two minutes later, he came back rushing to the table with a soda can and some fries, and placed them infront of me.
I gave him a look that clearly stated that I didn't feel like it, but he told me to eat it because otherwise I'd get sick, and then he wouldn't be able to hug me anymore because otherwise he'd get sick, too. I rolled my eyes and ate, just so he would shut up.
Sonny'd left a couple of minutes ago. When someone sat down across from me, I expected to see him infront of me. "Sonny, --" I said but then stopped when I realized the person infront of me wasn't Sonny, but Matt.
My expression turned into a mixture of confusion, anger, and sadness quickly.
"Hey, babe," Matt said looking at me with a smile, looking like he was hoping I wasn't mad at him at all. But how couldn't I be after what he did?
I rolled my eyes and looked back down.
He sighed and got up and sat back down next to me this time.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer against him.
He leaned towards my ear, "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered softly into my ear.
His hot breath made me shiver, and for just a couple of seconds I forgot that I was mad at him.
Just for a couple of seconds though.
When I tried to pull away, he grabbed me tighter. "Kate, I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice slightly louder this time, but still soft enough to almost be a whisper.
I groaned and looked over at him willingly for the first time since he'd gotten there. "This isn't going to work, Matt," I said.
He leaned his head back a little so that he could look at me better. "What? What do you mean?"
"This, you and me, isn't going to work," I repeated.
"Yes it is, I care about you," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Only to me it wasn't all that obvious.
"Oh, yeah? Well getting mad at me if I don't want to have sex with you really shows that, Matthew. And it isn't even the first time."
"Kate, I just-- I'm a guy."
"That's your excuse? That's your fucking excuse!? Well guess what, Matthew, it's not good enough. It isn't good at all. Because if you really did care about me you would wait until I'm ready."
"I do care, Kate. More than you know but it's not like it'd be our first time."
"I know that, Matt, but I told you from the beginning. Plus, I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to be sure that my next time is with the right person, somebody who loves me, and it isn't in this fucking building."
He swallowed hard, never having seen me explode the way I just had.
It was when he realized that I was really mad, and he didn't know what to do about it.
"Kate, I wanna be with you. I need to be with you. I won't fuck up again, I promise."
"That's a bunch of bullshit, Matt. I'm done. Just done," I said as I got up and walked away, leaving him sitting there by himself with his face resting in his hands.
I didn't see Matt the day after that.
I didn't see Matt the next Monday morning before class.
And meanwhile, I had time to think.
That day at lunch, I was sitting with Sonny, who I'd gotten pretty close with. He always knew how to make me laugh. He was energetic, but when it came down to it, he was a great listener, too. And I loved that about him.
As I was sitting there with no food or not even a drink because I just didn't feel like it, he got up and walked away. Barely two minutes later, he came back rushing to the table with a soda can and some fries, and placed them infront of me.
I gave him a look that clearly stated that I didn't feel like it, but he told me to eat it because otherwise I'd get sick, and then he wouldn't be able to hug me anymore because otherwise he'd get sick, too. I rolled my eyes and ate, just so he would shut up.
Sonny'd left a couple of minutes ago. When someone sat down across from me, I expected to see him infront of me. "Sonny, --" I said but then stopped when I realized the person infront of me wasn't Sonny, but Matt.
My expression turned into a mixture of confusion, anger, and sadness quickly.
"Hey, babe," Matt said looking at me with a smile, looking like he was hoping I wasn't mad at him at all. But how couldn't I be after what he did?
I rolled my eyes and looked back down.
He sighed and got up and sat back down next to me this time.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer against him.
He leaned towards my ear, "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered softly into my ear.
His hot breath made me shiver, and for just a couple of seconds I forgot that I was mad at him.
Just for a couple of seconds though.
When I tried to pull away, he grabbed me tighter. "Kate, I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice slightly louder this time, but still soft enough to almost be a whisper.
I groaned and looked over at him willingly for the first time since he'd gotten there. "This isn't going to work, Matt," I said.
He leaned his head back a little so that he could look at me better. "What? What do you mean?"
"This, you and me, isn't going to work," I repeated.
"Yes it is, I care about you," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Only to me it wasn't all that obvious.
"Oh, yeah? Well getting mad at me if I don't want to have sex with you really shows that, Matthew. And it isn't even the first time."
"Kate, I just-- I'm a guy."
"That's your excuse? That's your fucking excuse!? Well guess what, Matthew, it's not good enough. It isn't good at all. Because if you really did care about me you would wait until I'm ready."
"I do care, Kate. More than you know but it's not like it'd be our first time."
"I know that, Matt, but I told you from the beginning. Plus, I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to be sure that my next time is with the right person, somebody who loves me, and it isn't in this fucking building."
He swallowed hard, never having seen me explode the way I just had.
It was when he realized that I was really mad, and he didn't know what to do about it.
"Kate, I wanna be with you. I need to be with you. I won't fuck up again, I promise."
"That's a bunch of bullshit, Matt. I'm done. Just done," I said as I got up and walked away, leaving him sitting there by himself with his face resting in his hands.