Night Visions

Laying on the couch with my third mug of tea, Kerrie taps me on the leg and I look down at her lying on a heap of pillows.

“Hmm?” I mumble taking a gulp of tea.

“Dan's been real good for you.” Kerrie said with a huge grin on her face. “Have you told him that you totally love him?”

“Ya know what? I have actually.”

“Oh my God. What did he say?”

“He said it first actually.”

“So you guys are totally a 'thing' then!” Kerrie was squealing.

“I don't know. I mean I want us to be, but with everything that's happened with Jay I'm not ready to be hurt again. I'm having so much trouble trusting... loving. Gah! It's all so hard to explain.” I say tiredly.

“Oh hun. It's okay to feel that way, you need to get through this at your own pace but you know, Dan's not Jay. I've known him for a while and he's a real genuine guy.” Kerrie said while moving next to me on the couch.

“I want to believe that. Half of me already does, but my feelings are all messed up.” I sigh, swirling the last of my tea around in the mug. “I mean, and now Jay sends me this letter with an apology and I know its going to be the same as every other time, but I can't help but wonder.”

“Do you want to meet up with him?” Kerrie asks curiously.

“No, but I'll still wonder about it.” I say getting up and walking into the kitchen.

“What else could he want to scream at you?” Kerrie says in the doorway.

I had no answer. So I just shrug.
~
I woke to the sounds of Kerrie on the phone. Sleepily treading into the lounge room I yawn.

“What going on?” I ask rubbing my eyes.

“Phil and Dan are going to Florida in the States for VidCon.”

“Ah, like a work thing? I don't know how their stuff works.” I say grabbing a jumper off the pile of washing in the corner of the room.

“Yeah, they do it every year. It's like a huge meet up of YouTubers and their fans. They'll be gone for a week to ten days.”

“Oh that sounds like fun! I hope they have a good time.” I say, noticing Kerrie seemed less than thrilled.

“Phil wants me to go with him.”

“So you're going then?” I ask with a smile.

“I've only met a handful of this YouTube friends, and my God just think of his fans. They'll hate me.” Kerrie was anxious now.

“His fans don't know about you?” I ask surprised.

“They do, but I've never met any of his fans. He got some hate directed at me from some of them when he first told them.”

“It's been what? Forever since you and Phil started dating. I'm sure they've all warmed to the idea of him being happy.”

“What about you? I can't leave you alone here.” Kerrie pleaded.

“No, no no. Don't use me as an excuse to not go to FLORIDA with your boyfriend.” I say sternly “You deserve a good holiday away with your boyfriend, even if he's 'working' you'll still be together in the sunshine of Florida.”

“Okay, okay! I get it you want me to go to Florida, I'll go. I'll call Phil back, are you positively sure that you'll be okay here on your own?”

“Oh yes! I'm a big girl, the whole Jay situation seems to be well taken care of, I'm not going to see him. Kez if you don't go on this trip you'll regret it. You'll have a blast!” I say shaking her by the arms.

Kerrie gives me a hearty laugh. She skips off down the hallway with her phone in hand. I go back to my bedroom and pull out my phone and send a text to Dan.

Ria: Hope you have fun at VidCon :) Can't wait to hear all about it!
Dan: Thanks :) Be more fun with you there though.
Ria: You'll have Kerrie there with Phil, she's heaps of fun :D
Dan: Please stay safe, Ria. :) We leave tomorrow, so I'll see you in a week.