Running Through My Mind

"Oh my god"

I stopped dead in my tracks, my eyes wide in fear for the second time tonight. I tried to compose myself knowing that my reaction was probably only making it worse.

He ran over to me his eyes shimmering, and I could have sworn a small tear fell down his face.

"What are you doing back so early? I thought you were there for at least another day" I said hoping that somehow and someway Harry had not seen the bruises clouding my face, which were now poorly hidden behind locks of hair.

He reached out towards my face and I quickly turned the other way. I would not let him see me this way, I was too ashamed.
His hand gently rested under my jaw and he slowly turned my face, instead of saying anything he just pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. I gasped at the sudden gesture, I unfolded my arms and wrapped them tightly around his waist as he kissed the top of my head.

“Please let me in.” He whispered so softly I thought I had imagined it. I sighed and looked up into his pleading eyes and felt a small tear escape from my own. My hand reached up in shock to quickly wipe it away but Harry’s beat me to it.

The funny thing about staying strong for so long is that you eventually shatter.

After one tear fell, it was as if every tear I had ever suppressed followed in pursuit. My crying heightened into sobs as I felt my legs get weak.

The aching in my chest had always been persistent but at this point it was as if it were unbearable I collapsed onto the ground at the feet of the man I had desperately tried to hide this side of my life from. My whole body shook with every tear that poured down my face and I had never felt so broken in my entire life. I don’t know when it was that I had gone into a heavy state of denial, but I slowly felt myself come to the realization of my situation.

Harry knelt infront of me and placed one arm around my back and one underneath my legs. As he stood he cradled me into his chest, his heart beat was racing but on the outside he was as calm as could be. He carried me into the house and carried me straight into the bathroom. He gently sat me down on the tiled floor and began filling up the tub, my sobs and memories became too much for me and I quickly hunched over the toilet. Harry turned around immediately, and held my hair off of my face and neck.

The tears silently fell from my eyes now and I looked up at him to apologize,

“Don’t. Don’t you ever apologize to me Briar. I should be apologizing for not being able to see that there was something wrong. I’m so sorry Briar. I’m so sorry. Who ever did this, is it your ex? Or someone else that your seeing? I’ll kill him Briar, I can’t believe someone would ever do-”

I placed my hand weakily on his cheek silencing him, as tears began to fall from his eyes. He sniffled once more and stood me up. My clothes were removed gently, and with consent to each item. I saw him flinch as he found each bruise that coated my arms. He placed me in the bathtub, and the warm water seemed to soothe out my seizing muscles. The tears eventually stopped falling but the ache in my chest was one that wouldn't be easily soothed away. I got myself out of the bath not making eye contact with Harry and grabbed a towel off of the hook that was attached to the back door, I wrapped it around myself and made my way to my room.

Harry got up off the floor quickly and followed me.

“Briar, wait please stop shutting me out.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but then quickly closed it not knowing what to say.

He stood there looking at me for two minutes until I got the courage to open my mouth.

“Harry when I said there were somethings about me that I wasn’t ready to share with you, I meant there were a lot of things.”
He took a step closer and tried to reach out for me, I hastily stepped back.

“No let me get this out.” I said a little too harshly.

His eyes looked hurt, but he disguised it as he took a seat on my bed nodding his head encouraging me to continue.

“You shouldn’t be with me Harry, look at me. There is nothing okay with my life, it is messy and fucked up and complicated and you deserve someone that doesn’t carry that mess around with them every single day.”

He opened his mouth to protest but I continued.
“My parents are dead Harry. They died three years ago in an accident on their way to pick up my brother from his friend’s house, one minute they were there and the next they were gone. I was alone with my brother and the only family members we had left were living here. So, we packed up the day after their funeral and came here. We went to live with Rosie and from the day we stepped off the plane I chose running as my escape and my brother chose drugs.” I looked down at the carpet not wanting to see Harry’s reaction.

“The boy that has been calling, the boy that has been leaving me with these...” I stretched out my arms, “is my little brother, Luke. About a year and a half ago I found Luke in his room at Aunt Rosie's, passed out. He had a needle in his hand and by the time the ambulance got to the house he wasn’t breathing. They were able to start his heart back up but whatever had caused him to overdose had damaged his brain, and the only way to slowly allow it to recover was to induce him into a coma. This lasted probably about two weeks, and it was awful seeing him like that. But then he woke up and he hasn’t been the same since, there’s a sort of emptiness behind his eyes that I don’t think will ever be filled. He left as soon as he was discharged and then one night he called me sobbing high on something saying that he was going to end it all. I went and got him and took him to the treatment center he’s at now. He never means to hurt me, he’s sick now and his brain has wasted away to almost nothing. I’m all he has left and sometimes he doesn’t even know who I am, he’s just scared. I’m scared. I’m so scared that I will lose him forever, he’s never left the treatment center and I have no idea who brought him to Aunt Rosie’s, and he didn’t mean to do this to me. I know he didn’t. I know him. I love him, he loves me. He’s all I have, without him I have nothing left.” At this point tears were streaming down my face again and I had no idea how to even look at Harry. He got up off the bed and without hesitation, looked me straight in the eyes and said,

“You have more than you think, you have me Briar.” He brought his lips down to lightly brush my own, it was then that I realized I was falling in love with Harry.