Love for You

"JAMES!!!" Jo yelled at the top of her lungs as she watched her baby boy take his first steps. She hurriedly grabbed her cellphone to capture the moment before he dropped to his little legs. James ran from the upstairs bathroom all the way to the living room downstairs, his heart beating fast, afraid that something might have happened to the baby.

What he found instead was Jackson, on his own two feet, without the guidance of his mother. He smiled widely and saw Jo emerge with her phone in her hand. Just as she pressed record, Jackson dropped to his knees and his infectious giggle filled the room.

"Come here," James scooped up his son off the heather gray carpet and kissed his chubby cheeks. "You're growing up way too fast for me and mommy. Slow down a bit, eh?"

Jo, despite missing one of her baby's important milestones, wrapped her arms around her husband and gave him and Jackson a kiss on the cheek. If there had been anyone else in the room, they would have been able to take the perfect picture moment between the Neals.

-

A door closed, startling James, waking him up from his sleep on the chair that he placed right beside Jo. How he imagined his life with his wife and son would be like had only been a dream and his reality was laid on a hospital bed, different tubes and wires hooked up to her different parts of her body, with the sound of the heart monitor beeping every second. She had a bandage wrapped around her head due to the wound that was a result of falling off the stairs. Her head had apparently hit the edge of one of the steps and James could not do anything but thank God that she had not completely snapped her neck.

The doctor told him that her fall was pretty bad. Aside from the head wound, she had bruising all over her body. She had missed about eight steps which was enough to do some serious damage. Luckily, there was no internal bleeding nor were there any broken bones. He was advised that Jo would feel like a ton of bricks hit her and that it was normal to feel that way, seeing as her whole body had taken the damage. The doctor had asked him questions regarding her health and James took it as an opportunity to bring up her possible depression. The doctor took note of it and referred him to a psychiatrist working in the same building. After making a call, the psychiatrist told James that she would drop by once Jo woke up.

It had been nearly a full day and Jo still wasn't awake. James stood by her side the whole time, calling Anna to check up on Jackson every few hours. He had already called up his coach and a couple of his teammates to let them know that he wouldn't be able to play for tonight's game nor would he be able to go back to Nashville for the following game. John had gone home to grab a bag of clothes for Jo and bought food before returning to the hospital.

Seeing a psychiatrist as soon as she woke up probably wouldn't be the best idea but James felt hopeless and out of options. He wanted to help his wife so badly, wanted to get her better. He knew that from the moment Jackson was born, things were changing. He was stupid to let it go for a year and even more stupid to let them separate.

A day and a few hours passed when Jo finally opened her eyes, adjusting to the brightness of the room. There was no doubt that James had her transferred to the best rooms in one of the best hospitals in the Los Angeles county. Her room was nice and cozy with a view that was like a breath of fresh air. It was finally a sunny day out in LA and James had slid the curtains up to let some sunshine in.

"James?" Jo croaked out, her throat and lips feeling extremely dry. She saw that he was fast asleep on the seat next to her bed. She reached out her hand and touched his face that showed the early stages of his ginger beard that she loved so much. James felt a cold touch on his cheek and opened his eyes to see Jo finally awake. A smile played on her lips and suddenly, he felt like nothing had changed--like she wasn't sick or taking care of herself. He pushed himself off the chair and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

She scrunched up her nose and said, "Gross. I probably have the worst bad breath right now."

James shook his head, "And I really don't care."

He leaned in for another kiss, missing the connection he hadn't felt with Jo in almost a year. Sometimes he forgot they were even married. Never again would he let her leave again. Once they hit a bump in the road again, he would make damn sure that things would get settled before she could even turn her back on him.

James spent the next hour calling up the psychiatrist--something he had not told Jo just yet. He couldn't bear to ruin the moment they were having. They talked like how they used to before, telling jokes, talking about life with no drama, and everything else in between. He explained to her what happened and she couldn't believe that she had fallen so hard. Every time she laughed, her sides would hurt. She knew she was in for a long recovery.

Another hour passed when finally the psychiatrist came in. James was asked to leave the room as their conversation would be a confidential one. He walked out and nervously sat in the waiting room, letting the doctor do their job. He hoped that Jo wouldn't hate him after her talk with the doctor and would see that he was only doing what was best for her.

-

Do you have a history of depression in your family? How often do you experience mood swings? Do you find yourself distancing yourself from others? How is your relationship with your baby? How long have you and your husband been separated? What's your family like?

Jo spent two hours talking to a complete stranger, answering questions that pertained to her personal life. She tried not to give too much information but her doctor found a way to get the answer they needed someway, somehow. She felt betrayed by James. She told him that she didn't need any help and that she wasn't depressed, yet he went ahead and called up a psychiatrist as if she was insane. But deep down she knew that he was only looking out for her.

She watched as the doctor left the room, probably to talk to James about her findings. I'm not fucked up, she told herself. But the more people told her she was or the more they made her feel like she was, the more she started to believe it too. Was she crazy? She knew in her heart that she would never harm herself or her baby.

-

"It's not depression," Dr. Francis confirmed. James breathed out a sigh of relief. "However, I wouldn't be relieved just yet. I'm suspecting she has both postpartum depression and anxiety. But after speaking with her, it would appear that her anxiety is much more prevalent than her depression. Bits and pieces of her emotions and actions push towards depression but most of it has to do with her anxiety. Her postpartum depression could have possibly happened in the early stages after your baby was born but like I mentioned, signs of postpartum anxiety are more apparent than her depression."

"So what does that all mean?" He said, still confused with all the information being thrown at him.

"Postpartum anxiety has similar symptoms to postpartum depression. You mentioned over the phone that she experiences irritability and paranoia. Those are all part of the anxiety. The mood swings are very common as well. Perfect example being one minute she's fine with the baby, then the next she wants nothing to do with him. Her thoughts to others don't completely make any sense but to her, it's all clear."

"Could you pinpoint how long she's had it?" James questioned.

"Normally postpartum anxiety, similar to postpartum depression, doesn't last for a year but in some cases, it's possible. I would say that immediately after childbirth, her anxiety started to kick in." Dr. Francis answered.

"So what do we do next?"

"The best thing to do right now is to give Johanna your full support. I will also check on some of her blood work as well as her CAT scan. I will review her file before we can see if medication would be the next step."

"Thank you so much doctor, I appreciate it." James said and sat back down with his elbows resting on his knees, hands on his head. Thank God, he thought. He was so glad that she wasn't depressed like they all thought she was. He was still worried about her though. Everything he saw within a day after not seeing her in months made him wonder what else she had been experiencing after giving birth to their son. One thing was for sure--he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that she would be alright again.