I Don't Want to Be Wasting My Time Alone

3 years later

"This way, this way!" I held my clipboard under my arm as I directed a large group of celebrities and their security towards the direction of the red carpet. It was 89 degrees in LA, and I was sweating my ass off as the red carpet radiated heat beneath me. The fans they had set up were doing little to nothing to cool everyone down. Groans and complaints could be heard all around. Once I had the last herd of people out of my hair, I found my water bottle and stood in the shade in front of one of the giant fans. As I stood there thinking about how hot I was, I realized how lucky I was to be here. Two and a half years ago I had moved to LA to further my dreams.

I had decided to quit the touring life, and cut off all ties with Michael. I thought about him almost every day, still. How could I not? His band was everywhere. All over the radio, posters scattered about the busy city, t-shirts sprinkling bodies in a crowd no matter where I went. I still occasionally talked to Ashton, but I hadn't spoken with Luke or Calum since I left. My relationship with Michael was something I had promised myself I would never do- let a guy get in front of my job. Michael had gotten me fired, basically. My resume would say that I chose to leave, and I had to sign contract after contract about the situation. Quickly after moving to LA, MTV had hired me to be a part of their team over on the coast. This was my second time working the music awards show, I had successfully avoided the four boys last year, and I planned on it again this year. They had me working the red carpet for now, and working backstage during the second half of the show. I was counting down the minutes until I could leave the hell-like carpet when my walkie talkie went off.

"We need you at point B!" My supervisor told me.

"Aye, aye!" I clipped my walkie talkie back on the belt loop of my black skinnies and quickly walked against the crowd to get to where I was needed. I mentally cursed myself as soon as I saw a head of bright blonde hair standing at where I was making my way to. My hands started sweating, I was getting light headed, and I felt like vomit was rising in my throat. But, I had to remain professional and not cause a scene. "I made it!" I queued over my walkie talkie as I approached the four boys. Immediately Ashton broke out into a huge smile and scooped me up in a hug, picking me off of my feet.

"What are the chances?!" He squeezed me one last time before placing me back down on my feet.

"Look at you!" Luke hugged me, followed by Calum. Michael looked hesitant to even look at me, but for fear of observers noticing, I pulled him in for a quick side hug.

"You guys can follow me." I ignored the security that was following the band, recognizing all of their faces as well. I didn't feel like it was my place to acknowledge them. Ashton walked beside me as I escorted them down the long red carpet to where they needed to go.

"You look so good." He pulled me into his side and squeezed me again as we were walking, "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I really am." I tucked my hair behind my ear with a shaky hand, and I know Ashton noticed it.

"You should probably say something to him, you know."

"I should. But I probably won't. He was an asshole to me the last time I tried talking to him."

"Which was how long ago?" Ashton questioned as I looked back to make sure everyone was still following.

"Over two years ago..." I trailed off, checking some things off my clipboard.

"He talks about you a lot, still. He's written like, ten songs about you since it happened." I blushed and let out a nervous laugh. I didn't know who I was turning into. I was never the type who got this nervous about a guy. Especially someone I had broken things off with. "Seen Harry lately?"

"Yeah, actually. We did dinner last week." I spoke quietly so hopefully Michael wouldn't hear. Since I had moved out to LA, Harry and I had become close friends... Really close, but not a soul knew about what our "relationship" was. We had been seen out together, but he swore up and down that I was just a friend, and almost everyone believed him. Harry Styles didn't lie. I lived in an extremely private neighborhood and it was easy for him to sneak in and out unnoticed.

"Anything going on with you two?"

"No, that ship sailed a long time ago, Ash." I opened the door for the boys and one by one they filed in. After Michael walked past me, I tugged on his arm. "Hey, can we talk?"

"Sure." Michael shoved his hands into his pockets and overdramatically shrugged.

"You guys know where you're sitting right?" They gave me a thumbs up as I turned and led Michael down one of the hallways into an empty dressing room that was up for grabs to anyone who needed a last minute room.

"Look, I-"

"Are you going to feed me the same bullshit as you did the last time we had a talk? Because if so, I don't want to hear it. It hurts to hear you lie to me like that every time I talk to you." Michael interrupted me before I had a chance to even speak. "Lydia.." He ran a hand through his disheveled hair as my heart fluttered hearing him speak my name for the first time in two years. "You consume my mind. We had no closure, you just up and left me. You quit talking to me, and then two months later you decided it was time to talk about things? You fed me bullshit lies about how you felt. I know how you felt. I know you loved me, and I know I loved you. You were the hardest I've ever fallen." By the end of his little rant, he was yelling and standing a few inches away from my face. His pale face was now red and my body was trembling out of fear.

"I'm sorry." I looked down and kicked my shoes at the carpet. "I was scared, Michael. I was petrified. I wasn't ready for a relationship with you. I couldn't handle being in the spotlight."

"So you think whatever in the hell that's been going on with Harry for the last two years is any different?"

"Wh- How do you know anything about him?"

"He's the biggest prick I know. He told me the first time you two fucked." Michael was pacing circles around the room. "It just pisses me off that you'd do that to me. You know he and I are friends. We were friends. I told him I never wanted to speak to him again after that night and we haven't spoken since." I looked around the room, avoiding Michael's glare. "Say something. You're the one who wanted to talk."

I took a deep breath and sat on top of the counter in the empty room. "I miss you. I think about you all of the time, Michael. I fell so hard and fast for you. I haven't been in a real relationship since you because I know I'll never feel the way I did about you. I avoided you like the plague at the awards last year because you scare me. All of the same feelings I had three years ago have flooded back to me seeing you again."

"Why do I scare you?" His voice lowered and his eyes got big.

"You just do." I took a deep sigh and tried to not check my watch, but I saw that I only had a few more minutes to talk to Michael before I was needed backstage to start checking people in. "Everything I just said is why you scare me. How hard I fell for you. There's something about you that's different, but we could never make us work. I was willing to give up everything for you. And I did, and I still lost you, and my job."

"But you don't need a job, Lydia."

"Michael, it's more than 'needing' a job. I like working. I like having something to do, having a purpose."

My walkie talkie beeped, "We need you in three minutes, Lydia."

"I'll be there." I said before placing my walkie back on my jeans. "I'm really sorry that I hurt you. I know how I ended things was shitty, and I regret it. It hurts me knowing how upset I made you, and if I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. I know what we had was special, and it didn't last as long as it should have." Michael was silent as he looked at me, both of us realizing what we had was lost. He stood there, trying to comprehend what I was saying. "But I need to go. Good luck tonight." I grabbed the door handle of the dressing room, half expecting Michael to grab for me before I walked out, but he didn't. He remained cemented to the floor in the same spot as I walked away.

An hour into the ceremony, 5SOS won their first out of three awards. I congratulated the guys as I led them in the right direction to get back to their seats. Ashton walked with me again, "You have plans tonight?"

"I mean, there's only about six parties I'm invited to." I laughed, not even joking about the amount of parties I would have access to... but not because of my job, because of who Harry was. I had already told him I'd show up with him to whatever party he wanted to go to, but after Michael had told me how much of a jerk he was to him, I wasn't sure what I was going to do.

"Well, you should come out with us. Since you can't lose your job or anything, it would be fun. You won't have us to look after, either."

"We'll see. Maybe we'll end up at the same party. Congrats!" I hugged Ashton as I passed them onto the next member of the team at the awards.

The boys stole the next two awards they were up for, and the show was over. Since I worked the red carpet and backstage, I was able to leave and not stay for the cleanup and rounding up of the last guests. I made my way to an empty room to [url="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=155660565"]change into my outfit[/url] for the night. I heard a knock at the door and opened it hesitantly, seeing Harry's bright green eye peeking at the crack.

"Hi, gorgeous. You ready to head out?" He hugged me and pecked me on the cheek. "Great job tonight."

"Thanks, you too." I blushed and looked down at my feet as we walked out hand in hand. "Michael talked to me tonight."

His grip on my hand tightened and I could see him gritting his teeth as his jaw tensed, "Oh, yeah? What did he have to say?"

"Really it was mostly me, apologizing."

"For what?"

"For treating him like utter shit."

"But he treated you like shit too, so."

"Yeah and he apologized but it was mostly me." We made our way to the familiar blacked out SUV in the limousine drop-off garage. "It's whatever, I'll probably never see him again." Harry slung his arm around my shoulder as he handed me the first drink of the night and the driver drove us to the first destination.

"Make sure you eat something when you get here, I don't want you passing out on me, alright?" He winked at me, and I knew he was looking out for my better good, but I realized how selfish this relationship we had was, and he didn't want me passing out for his own benefit. We didn't date, but we acted like we did when we could. We had sex whenever he was in LA, day in and day out. It was never on my terms. I squirmed in my seat as the liquor in the rum & coke started to hit me faster than I realized. "This will be the boring party of the night, we should probably only stay about 30 minutes before too many people get here."

"What if I want to stay longer?" I remained seated in the car as Harry hopped out and turned around to reach for my hand.

"You won't." He smirked and the corner of his lips turned up in the way that he knew made me weak. His dimples were deep enough to serve dip in, and his eyes were light green as the sun set on them.

"Since when do you make my decisions for me?" I snapped back as we walked into the tall building.

"I-I didn't realize there was a problem. I thought you liked tagging along with me." He held my hand as we quietly rode the elevator to one of the top floors.

"I mean, I do. But it just seems like its all about you." I couldn't believe what I was saying right now. "Just forget about it."

"Do you want more from me?"

"What?"

"Do you want more from me, Lydia? Like, a relationship."

"I mean, if you're going to act like that, then-"

"No, right here. In this elevator. Do you want to be my girlfriend? Everyone already suspects it. And we know how we feel about each other. We won't have to hide anymore." Harry pulled me into his body by my hips and kissed me on top of the nose, looking at me from underneath the brim of his hat. "Please?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Harry. That would be really nice." I smiled at him and pecked him on the lips, my heart fluttering with happiness from the boy who had me wrapped around his finger.

We stayed at the first party for 45 minutes, Harry introducing me to everyone he came in contact with as his girlfriend. I had met most of the people before, and recognized everyone's faces, but only a few of them realized who I actually was.

"You won't get in trouble for being with me, will you?" He asked with his arm clutched on my hip.

"No, they don't care." I shook my head and leaned my already heavy head on his shoulder as we walked back to the elevator. He placed a kiss on the top of my head. "Do we really have to go to all of these parties?" I asked, looking up at him.

"How about two or three more? Just four more hours. Then I'm all yours." He squeezed the hand that was on my hip and I nodded, not saying a word. My mind was clear of all negative thoughts, including the possibility of us running into Michael. I couldn't wait to get him back to my house...

---

We walked into the third party of the night, making more of an entrance as everyone yelled Harry's name, congratulating him on winning two awards tonight. He humbly accepted the praise, quickly introducing me to all of his friends. I, again, recognized everyone but thought it was cute that they still felt the need to introduce themselves to me.

"Hey, I'm going to go sit over by Kelly and rest my feet for a bit." I tapped Harry on the shoulder and he handed me his drink, telling me to take it with him for myself. He pulled me in for a quick kiss before I left his side to go sit with Kelly.

"Hi love!" She brought me in for a hug, "So you and Harry are a thing?"

"I guess, yeah, we are."

"Finally! I've been waiting for that to happen for only two years now." I blushed and picked at the glass I was holding before I took another sip. I saw Kelly wave over Ashton and I let out an audible groan. "I'm so sorry I didn't even think about it." She said before the boys made their way over to the couch. Ashton plopped down beside me on the couch, and Michael beside him. Luke sat down beside Kelly and Calum was standing beside him.

"You and Harry are looking mighty comfy." Ashton pointed out, and I shrugged and took a few sips of my drink to avoid answering him pointing out the obvious.

"Yeah... Well I'm going to go outside for a minute." I needed to get away from the tension and glares that were coming from Michael.

I stood on the outside porch and leaned my elbows against the black railing. I looked over the bright city of LA and observed the hundreds of passing cars. The smell of smoke broke my thoughts and I looked to my left to see Michael leaning with his back against the railing, a foot away from me.

"You know, I knew you slept around. And I guess you get off on hurting me, but I never knew you'd be as low to start dating him. Jesus Christ." Michael was clearly drunk and I ignored his slurs he was spitting at me. He flung himself around and was elbow to elbow with me. "Can you not hear?"

"I heard you, Michael."

"I miss my name coming from your lips." His hand started to gently grab on to mine and I pulled away.

"Michael, go away."

"There it is again." He chuckled and threw his cigarette off the side of the porch. "Look, I'm an asshole, you're an asshole. But there is not a goddamn person in the world who is more of an asshole than your 'boyfriend.'" he air quoted and let out a guttural laugh. "Seriously, you are making a huge mistake."

"How do you know?"

"Because! You don't know the shit he talked about you hooking up with me once he heard about it. And then immediately swooped in to get you to hook up with him. And you fell for it. So really you're the dumb one. You're really the nice one, because you're too nice to say no. But I promise you, Lydia. He's only dating you to piss me off more. $5 says he's going to leave without you tonight."

"You're so wrong."

"Oh yeah?" Michael turned around and leaned his back against the railing again and squinted his eyes so he could see in through the big glass windows of the patio. He pointed, "Look at him. His hand is on her lower back. He's probably whispering about how he's going to make up some bullshit excuse to leave without you."

I turned around and sure enough, Harry was whispering into a random girls ear and she was giggling as he continued talking. I took a deep breath as I finished the rest of his drink. "Want another?" I nodded and Michael went to go get me another drink as I watched Harry from outside. Michael returned quickly with two drinks, one for himself and one for me.

"What are you drinking?" I asked as we both watched.

"Water."

"Oh."

"You know what happens when I get too drunk around you." I could tell he was trying to flirt again, but he was obviously sobering himself up. "And I don't want to be completely drunk when I fight that fool tonight."

"Mikey, you can't fight him." I bit my lip and closed my eyes as I realized the name I had just called him. "Sorry."

"I-its fine." He lit up another cigarette with shaky hands and turned outward to face the city once again.

"You do know how sorry I am about everything, don't you? And really, I know you're right about Harry. You would never lie to me."

"No, I wouldn't." He shook his head and took a long drag. "I still care about you, Lydia. We ended too soon, I agree. But I'm scared we lost what we did have." He said, fiddling with his cigarette.

"Hey. Look at me." Michael turned his head towards me and I leaned in to kiss him. I don't know what possessed me to, but something did. I wrapped my free hand around the back of his neck as his hand that was clutching the cigarette pulled me into him by the small of his back. We were going at it on the porch, surrounded by tons of people, but it felt like we were the only two out there. I was oblivious to the noise around us, clearly, because the next thing I knew, Michael was being pulled away from me.

"What the fuck, man?" Harry was an inch away from Michael's face and Michael just laughed in his face. "What's so funny?" He shoved his shoulders and Michael just took it. "You do know she's my girl, don't you?"

"Was, your girl, Harry." I corrected him from behind, trying not to make too much more of a scene.

"What do you mean?" Harry was completely dumbfounded as he looked for an answer on my face.

"I mean, I was your girl, until I saw you whispering into that other girls ear. I know what you're doing. You're trying to hurt him for some unknown reason, and it's really fucking mean. We're done. Go home with whoever in the hell she was. I know you were going to anyway."

He looked between the two of us and stormed away, grabbing the girl he was talking to earlier's wrist, pulling her through the crowd and out of the party. I shrugged and grabbed Michael by the wrist, pulling him into me. We stared into each others eyes for the longest half of a second of my life before we hungrily kissed once more.

"I think we've still got what we had." I smirked at his reply, pecking him on the lips. "You ready to leave?" I nodded as Michael and I left the party, not worrying about saying goodbye to anyone there.