I Don't Want to Be Wasting My Time Alone

"At least I don't have exes writing shade throwing songs about me!" I laughed as I closed the now empty pizza box that sat beside me. Michael and I had been watching the movie channel on the hotel TV and we were talking about terrible past relationships.

"Oh, whatever. She's just trying to be like Taylor Swift. Which she will never be." Michael laughed out, taking another sip of his halfway empty whiskey bottle "You haven't drank enough." He pointed at my bottle of bourbon which was more empty than his.

"I hope that was sarcastic. I'm going to feel like complete trash tomorrow." I slurred my sentence. "How late is it?"

"It's only 1." He said, checking his cell phone.

"Get off your phone! I was told by a certain manager of yours you have to stay off Twitter. No one likes brooding, pitiful Michael." I joked with him but he said nothing. After a few minutes of silence, I spoke up again. "Sorry, that was out of place."

"It's fine." He kept scrolling on his phone, with one arm crossed over his chest.

"I'm going to go make a phone call, alright?" It was 6 AM in London and Colin had to be at work at 6:30, so I knew I could catch him before he went in.

I left Michael alone with his phone in the room and quietly shut the door behind me, sat on the ground and called Colin.

"Just in time." He said with a smile. I yawned, "You headed to bed? This is late for you."

"Yeah, well. I don't have anything to do tomorrow so we decided to stay up a little bit later than I planned."

"We? You're still with him?"

"Colin, it's okay."

"No, it's not. You're drunk in a hotel room with some dude in a band."

"He's not just some dude, Colin."

"Oh, yeah. He's Michael. He won't do anything will he?"

My anger was rising with each word Colin spoke. He had a horrible jealousy issue, which we had fought with before, but it was getting worse and worse the longer we were apart. "No, he won't. Because he's respectful of me."

"Bullshit."

"Colin, fuck off. Why do you always do this to me? Where is this even coming from? We never had an issue when we were together. All of the sudden you just assume I'm over here fucking anyone I can. And someone that I work with? You must think I'm a terrible person."

"I can't talk about this before work, Lydia."

"You're the one who brought it up." I shot back at him. I was ready to be off the phone with him but I refused to give in first.

"Fine. I can't do this anymore. We didn't have problems earlier because you were here. We lived together. I could see you every day, we talked all of the time, I could hold you in my arms. I haven't seen you in almost two god damn months, and you hardly talk to me anymore."

"It's called a job, Colin! I text you when I can, I call you every day. You're the one who doesn't answer sometimes-"

"Because I work at a hospital. I can't have my cell phone on me for you to text me at the worst hours of the night or day. And now I was expecting to see you today and I can't because you're stuck there with one of those no life boys-"

"No life?" I laughed a little louder than I meant to. "No life boys. They are making more money than you'll ever make in a day. They're determined, they're-"

"I don't want to hear it. Lydia, we're over. I can't deal with stressing about you, my job is getting more stressful and the last thing I need to worry about is what my girlfriend is over in another country doing with four teenage boys."

I shook my head, "Whatever, it's just a fucking excuse. I'm sorry I'm so stressful and that you have to worry about someone other than your own self. Pack my shit up and take it over to my brother's house. I'll tell him to come over as soon as you're off to help you."

"He better be there at 6 o'clock on the dot." I hung up the phone at Colin's statement to me, and within seconds I sent my brother a text message telling him what had happened, asking him to call me when he got a chance. I took a deep breath and exhaled, letting the realization that I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three years hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" I heard Michael to the right of me and I just shook my head unable to answer. He helped me stand up and walked (more like stumbled) me into the hotel room, and sat me on his bed, wrapping his arms around me. "Did you guys break up?"

I nodded and sniffed, "Yeah, he said I was stressing him out. God forbid he actually have to work for something. We've been drifting apart for months and I guess not going home to see him this time was just the last straw for him."

"I'm really sorry." Michael spoke, pulling me in closer to him. "Everything is going to shit this week because of me and I'm really sorry."

"Michael, stop. It's not your fault. You have nothing to do with his and I's relationship. He's just selfish. He got handed his job at the hospital, he's had everything in his life handed to him. He's never had to work for anything, so he just... Didn't know how to work to keep our relationship."

"I feel really terrible." He breathed in and I felt his chest rise and fall. "The guys hate me, and now you're going to be mad at me, it's just shitty. I'm so fucking dumb for losing my passport. If I wouldn't have lost it, none of this would have happened."

I put my hand on his knee and squeezed it, "Stop beating yourself up. You're a drunken sap. They couldn't hate you. Shit happens, Michael. You lost your passport, my boyfriend is mad at me for being stuck over here with you. It'll all be okay. At least its just a few shows you're missing and not an entire tour." I stood up and grabbed the bottle of bourbon that was beginning to taste like flavored water, and drank a little more. Michael shook his head as he quietly laughed, "Might as well. Sorry I unloaded on you like that, it was completely unprofessional of me to do that."

"It's nice to know you have emotions." He spoke to me, sitting with his back against the bed. He patted the spot beside me and I sat down beside him, keeping my distance. "I won't bite." I narrowed my eyes at him and got more comfortable, propping myself up against one of the pillows as another movie started. I could feel the warmth radiating from his body beside me, whether it was the alcohol or if Michael was just a warm person, I didn't know which, but the alcohol running through my veins made me scoot closer to him.

His arm wrapping around me and resting on my shoulder scared me, and I jumped. "Sorry, if you want me to move I can-"

"It's fine," I protested. "Just-"

"I won't say anything to anyone. I'm just trying to be caring and help you feel better." I nodded and laid my head on his shoulder, drifting off to sleep as the movie continued playing.

---

My ringtone woke me up abruptly the next morning, afternoon, I had no idea. I felt my head swimming and my eyes couldn't adjust to the bright room. Fuck, my head hurt. Michael's pale arm was death gripped around my waist and I moved as slowly as possible to answer my phone.

"Hello?" I answered as quietly as I could.

"I'm on the way to Mr. Jackass' house right now. Anything in particular that you need? I figured I'd get there a little early and walk in with him just in case he tries hiding anything." It was my brother. I realized if he was on the way to Colin's house now, it was already almost 1 in the afternoon here.

"No. It'll be pretty evident which stuff is mine. Thanks for doing this for me." I stirred a little bit, trying to rid myself of Michael's arm, but he just held on tighter.

"It's no problem. Is everything going well?"

"Despite waking up with a hangover yet again, I'm fine."

"You're all but whispering right now. What's going on?"

I let out a laugh, "I fell asleep in Michael's room and I'm trying not to wake him."

"In his room or in his bed?"

"Fuck off, Ross. Nothing happened."

"Yet!" He laughed loudly and I knew that was going to wake Michael up, but he didn't stir.

"Ross, he's 19. I'm 24. I work with him! That wouldn't be right."

"So you have thought about it, haven't you?"

"Goodbye, Ross." I felt color returning to my cheeks as I hung up the phone, thankful for such a sweet brother. I had multiple texts from Calum, Ashton, and Luke, all wondering where in the world Michael and I were since we had both been sleeping so late. I replied to each of them individually, not knowing who was where or when they would be able to look at their phones. Ashton replied first.

Ah, have a good night with Mikey? I'm sure he was being the emo queen.
Hey, leave him alone. He's really upset about having to stay back here :(
Oh yeah, he's so upset about being stuck with you. ;)

My cheeks were flushing again as I was reminded of his arm still wrapped around me. He must have taken his shirt off in his sleep, because I could feel his warm stomach pressed against the small of my back.

Sorry, I'll let you two get back to your canoodling. ;)
Ash, wtf? We're in two separate rooms.
Did I ever say you weren't?

"Who are you talking to this goddamn early?" Michael groaned and snuggled his head into the back of my neck.

"Ashton, he's-"

"Fuck." As soon as I spoke, Michael realized who I was and jumped back, leaving my back with a cold feeling. "I'm so sorry."

"Quit apologizing." I rolled over to face him and took in his looks. His red hair was faded and disheveled, his eyes were bloodshot from the drinking the night before and he had a certain sagginess under his eyes that meant he could have used a little more sleep. He yawned, much resembling a sleeping kitten and closed his eyes. "You did nothing wrong."

"I feel like death." He mumbled, trying to cover his head with the comforter.

"You don't look like it." I mumbled back, and he peeked his eyes over the white, plush comforter.

"What was that?"

I rolled my eyes and rolled my body away from him, not wanting to face him. Why in the world did I just say that? Truth be told, I had always thought Michael was adorable, but like I had already addressed before, his age, and well... My position kind of proved that that would have not been a smart move to ever act on my thoughts. He was so attractive, and until I was alone with him, I never really thought about how I felt, or could possibly feel to him.

"Come here." His words broke me out of my thoughts and I felt his warmth come from behind me and pull me closer to him. "You're still drunk, aren't you?" He giggled into my shoulder, placing kisses on my skin.

"Not really. I feel kind of nauseated." I snuggled closer to him, obviously he was welcoming my affection and had clearly heard what I said.

"Oh come on, I know I'm ugly but am I really that bad looking?"

I shook my head and thought before I spoke. "Not quite. Your band members are definitely not hotter than you."

"Not hotter than Calum?" He laughed at my reference to the terrible song we had joked about the night before.

"No way! He's got that lisp that makes it hard for me to understand what he's complaining about." Michael let out a chuckle. "If this is weird to you, you can stop."

"It's actually really nice." He said, his mouth connecting with the back of my neck below my hairline. "You smell good. For it being, you know, in the morning."

"It's 1 o'clock. The guys have been blowing our phones up wondering where we've been, apparently."

"Shit." He groaned and rolled over, causing me to let out a shiver at the sudden coldness again. "Jesus Christ I have like, 70 texts from them. Ashton's still blowing up my phone."

"He thinks we're canoodling."

"Is that what they call it these days?" He asked, letting out another laugh. I waited for Michael to finish replying to his text messages before I rolled over on my side, flinging an arm over his chest and cuddling into his side. "You're really good at this."

"What?"

"Cuddling. Canoodling. Whatever it is. Can we just stay here all day?" I nodded as he reached for the remote and turned the TV on, to a channel that was playing cartoons. I laughed at the simpleness of what the morning/early afternoon had turned into and watched with him as he played with my hair.

---

"It's 3 o'clock and I'm starving." I grumbled, still in the same spot in the hotel bed. I had only gotten up once to use the bathroom and wash my face, and Michael had lent me a pair of gym pants to lounge in so I didn't have to travel three floors down to get mine from my room. "I'm sure there's room service here..." I mumbled to myself, searching through the drawers in the night stand, pulling out an extensive book of places to order from. "What do you want to eat?" I passed the book to Michael, knowing how picky he is about food.

"Pizza's good with me." he flipped through the book and turned it to the pizza section.

"Can we order something that isn't pizza?"

"You can." He grinned at me and tossed the book back in my lap before getting up off of the bed. I shuffled through the menus and settled on a Chinese place that wasn't far away. Giving the job I had, I frequently had to make quick food runs for the band and crew, so I knew what everyone liked to eat like the back of my own hand. I heard the shower start up as I dialed the number to the Chinese place, placed our orders and told them which room number to come to at the hotel.

Ashton, Calum and Luke had been bothering Michael all day via text about having to stay back with me for a week. He was getting annoyed, and I was currently getting annoyed by the group chat they had going because Michael had left his phone on the bed beside me. I slid his phone to unlock it, but he had a passcode on it. Hmmm.

I unlocked my own phone and googled Michael's birthday. November 20. I tried 2011 first, only to be denied. Then I tried 1120, and the phone unlocked. I laughed at how simple his code was to anyone who knew him.

I read through the boys texts, scrolling for a while, realizing how pointless their entire conversation was- no wonder Michael was annoyed at their constant texting. They were giving Michael crap for losing his passport, talking about how they wanted to kick Michael out of the band. It was all done in playfulness but Michael's lack of responses had me worried they were just beating him down. I heard the shower shut off and I turned his phone to Do Not Disturb before locking the screen back and placing it where it was on the bed before.

His head emerged from the bathroom doorway, clouds of steam billowing out around his wet figure. "Hey."

"...Hey." I said back, puzzled as to why he was peeping out.

"I uh, forgot to grab clothes so either don't look or bring me a pair of boxers."

"I won't look, I really don't want to rummage through your used boxers to find some clean ones." I covered my eyes with my hands and heard his feet quickly moving across the carpeted room. I peeped through my two fingers to see that Michael was dressed in just a towel, hung low on his pale hips, his skin still glistening from the shower. His red hair was clearly towel dried, sections of it were sticking out every which way. I had seen him shirtless but I had never admired him in the way I was now- through a peephole through my fingers.

"I know you're peeking." I heard him say, his wide shoulders were shaking like he was silently laughing to himself as I closed my hands tight to my face.

"Am not." my cheeks flushed warm and I felt his hands pulling my hands away from my face.

"Then why are you blushing?" He stood before me in just his black soft pants and no shirt.

"I'm not blushing." I tried pulling my hands away from him to cover my face but his grip on me was too strong. "Give me my hands back!"

"Give me my pants back! I wanted to wear those today."

"I will when I get some food in me and have the strength to ride on the elevator. My stomach is still queasy." I pouted at him, hoping it would work. He would always pout at me to get me to run and go get something for him."

"That face doesn't work on me. Give me those joggers!"

"No!" I scooted my body under the covers even more, and Michael let go of my hands. I held the covers tight around my body to keep him from peeling them up. All of the sudden, I couldn't feel his presence near me. I laid as still as a stone and waited for something to happen. A few minutes passed and all of the sudden I felt a pair of hands tickling me. I started kicking my feet anywhere I could, but I wasn't hitting anything. Eventually I came uncovered, and his face was so red that it was almost a light shade of his hair he was laughing so hard.

"STOP IT!" I yelled, almost getting mad. I hated being tickled more than anything else in the world. My brother used to tickle me until I was in pain when we were kids and it always made me feel claustrophobic. "Michael... Seriously... Stop... I can't... Breathe." My vision was starting to tunnel and I was getting mad. He was completely oblivious to how I was starting to feel, as he continued on. I was beyond the point of laughter and he finally stopped, still laughing to himself.

"You should have seen your face! You were so mad."

"Because I fucking hate being tickled." I shoved him off of me, hopped off the bed and slid my shoes on. "I'll be right back, I'm going to go take a quick shower and change. Food is on its way, you can pay for this meal." I tried to not slam the room door but I accidentally closed it a little too hard, but at least he'd know not to mess with me again like that.

I showered, changed into a pair of black leggings, an oversized t-shirt and a hoodie, knowing that tonight would probably be the exact same as last night. I grabbed my cell phone charger, and reached for my phone before I realized I had probably left it back in the room with Michael. Fuck. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, praying that he wouldn't have looked through my phone. I kept it without a passcode in case of emergencies and someone needed to get a number, but I usually always had it with me. I let out a groan as I grabbed my room key and returned to the room three floors above me. I impatiently tapped my foot as the elevator stopped at every level before reaching the level I needed.

I knocked on Michael's door five times before he finally answered it. He had my phone in his hand.

"I knew you'd look through my phone!" I snatched it from him, checking my texts before he had a chance to defend himself.

"Uh, Colin called. He's not happy with you."

"Did you answer?!"

"Yeah..."

"Why did you answer MY phone?"

"Because he called like, ten times while you were gone. I finally answered. I told him you had left your phone in my room in your jacket while you went to go get us coffee." I took a deep breath and let myself calm down. "The food still hasn't come yet."

I slumped down into the bed that had no sheets that were messed up and tried calling Colin back but he didn't answer. I groaned and there was a polite knock at the door. Michael took the food, paid, and placed my food on the end of my bed.

"Thanks. Sorry for snapping."

"It's understandable, I shouldn't have been snooping. Ross text you too, but I didn't look at it." I looked back at my texts and sure enough, there was a text from him that hadn't been read. I was starting to feel bad for looking at Michael's phone now. Surely he knew that I had, but he wasn't saying anything.

I tossed my phone aside after reading his text that said "Operation get Lydia's shit back: Success. Love you!" With a kissy face. I missed my brother more than anyone back at home. Our parents had all but abandoned us as soon as we were old enough to take care of ourselves, so we had lived together for a while until I moved in with Colin two years ago.

"How serious were you two? You never really talked about him much. I mean, I met him a few times and I did hear you talk about him some, but not too much."

I shrugged, opening my takeout box. "We were pretty serious... I mean, three years and we had gotten a place together. I'm upset but I'm really not as upset as I thought I'd be. I guess because I knew this was eventually coming. We had been gradually growing apart for the last few months, and I'd never be the one who broke up with him. I'm glad he did it for me."

"Coward."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Him, not you. Bullshit to break up with you over the phone." He pointed at me with his fork as he swallowed his food. "It could have been a text message."

"You're right." I shoved a fork full of noodles into my mouth, slurping them loudly. "Excuse my lack of manners."

"You're excused, only if you'll make another liquor store run."

"I can't get shit faced every night this week." I looked at him as he was drinking the leftover whiskey in his bottle. "It's only 4:30!"

"It's all we have to do. I'm stuck here and I can't leave this hotel. So we have to get drunk, eat, and watch television."

I shrugged him off, grabbed my bourbon bottle off of the floor, and took three big sips of it to quench my thirst.