I Don't Want to Be Wasting My Time Alone
6
"I thought you were going to bed early? This is what you considered going to bed early?" Michael pushed past the both of us and joined us on the elevator. "I was just making sure you got back to your room alright." He quickly remembered that "no one" knew about our relationship.
"Michael, he knows. He guessed by the way you blew my phone up all night tonight. Harry was just doing the same as you- making sure that I made it back to the room safe." Neither boy said anything. Harry's hand was still on the small of my back, but Michael couldn't see it. His hand was on fire, and it felt like he was almost burning my skin. The air in the elevator was thick with awkwardness, and no one moved when the ding sounded that we had arrived at my floor. "Well. This has been sufficiently awkward. Thanks for everything tonight, Harry. I'll see you around. Michael, you've got to be up and ready early tomorrow for an interview, so I'll see you then."
"I'll walk you to your room." Michael offered and pulled me out of the elevator, giving me only a moment to give Harry a quick hug. Honestly, this was probably better that it was working out this way. We walked to my room in silence and I pulled my hotel key out of my bag, but Michael immediately grabbed it from my hand.
"You're not going in there until you tell me the truth. Were you bringing him back to your room?"
"No, Michael. Who do you think I am?"
"Exactly. Who do you think you are? He's one of my best friends. What the fuck were you thinking?" Michael had backed me up against the door of the hotel room, and had one hand above my head.
"Can you please not yell at me in the hotel's fucking HALLWAY?! Give me my key back and we'll talk in the room."
"No." Michael shook his head, his green eyes were full of a look I had never seen in him before. He was holding his bottom lip between his teeth like he was holding back from what he wanted to say.
"Michael fucking Clifford, give me my room key back." I stood on my tip toes, almost tall enough to reach the key in his hand that he was now holding far above my height. I accidentally knocked the black snapback off of his head. Knowing Michael, he hated his hair being seen without being styled, hence the wearing of the hat. When he bent over to grab the hat, I grabbed the room key out of his hand that was at my height. 'HA!" I laughed at him and opened the room. He followed me in, defeated.
"So, why was Harry walking you back to your room?"
"We ran into each other at the club, had a few drinks and caught up. Jenn ditched me, and he wanted to make sure I made it back here safe."
"That's it?"
"That's it." I said, removing my jacket and tossing it off to the side.
"Why do you always cover up your tattoos?"
"I don't." I said, bending over to take off my shoes.
"Yeah, you do. You always wear sweaters or jackets."
"I just don't like my arms being exposed, that's all. I've never liked my arms. Listen, Mikey, I really need to go to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow and I need to sleep off as much of this hangover that's already hitting me as I possibly can."
"You're beautiful. Stop it." Michael made his way over to me and placed his hands on my upper arms, and rested his nose on the top of my hair, inhaling my scent. "You don't smell like you."
"Huh?" I asked, looking up at him. He took my curly brown hair in his hands and started smelling my hair. "Oh, it's probably just Jenn's hairspray." I said, walking away from Michael and grabbing my sleep leggings and the t-shirt I had stolen from him.
"Or Harry's cologne. I swear to God, Lydia. Did you guys fuck in the car?"
"Michael, why are you so obsessed with this? Leave it alone."
"You smell like him. You don't think I know what one of my best friends smells like?!" I was hurriedly changing out of my clothes as Michael stood and watched me strip down, then cover myself back up. He stood there with his arms crossed, his black and red plaid shirt hanging loosely on his pale body. "I'm not leaving until you tell me the truth."
I leaned over the sink and splashed my face with water, grabbed my face soap and started washing my makeup off. "I am telling you the truth."
"No you're not, you won't look at me."
I stood up, my face dripping wet with running makeup and soap, "Michael, we did not fuck in the car."
"But you're not denying nothing else happened."
I leaned back over the sink to continue washing my face, "We danced together. A lot, okay? Why does it matter, you and I aren't dating."
"Why does it matter?! Why does it matter, Lydia?! You have now hurt me like every other girl in my entire life. I'm never good enough for anyone, do you get that? Every girl I've ever been with has found someone more attractive than me, skinnier than me, more toned than me, and left me for them. And here I am, thinking that you are actually interested in me, but boy was I fucking wrong."
"Michael, it's not like that." I dried my face and made my way over to him, and cringed as he backed away from me, shaking his head. I needed to fess up to what I had done "Just listen to me. I'm sorry. I was drunk. We danced, and had a few drinks, and Harry came onto me in the car, okay? I stopped him and nothing happened."
"Did you kiss him?" I stared at him, not answering. "Lydia, did you kiss Harry?"
"Yeah, I did." I immediately felt terrible for what I had done. Michael's eyes were starting to water. In all the time that I had been touring with the boys, Michael had been the one I had never seen cry. "Michael, please. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have lied to you about what happened, either."
"You're right. You weren't thinking. I could get you fired, do you realize that?"
"Yeah, I do." I sat down on the bed and looked down at my lap, not wanting to look at Michael anymore. "Michael, if you understood how terrible I felt about what I did..."
He interrupted me. "I don't need to understand, because I feel just as terrible."
"Mikey, please. Just listen to me." I looked back up at him and he was taking a seat in the chair opposite of the bed I was sitting in, I was relieved he had decided to stay. "I've never done something like this before. I'm still hurting and confused from Colin. This wasn't like me to act like this, it was completely out of character. I don't want to lose my job. I love working with you guys, and spending time with you. It doesn't feel like a job to me. I fucked up, alright? I fucked up with you, I've fucked up the friendship I had with Harry, and if the other three find out about this, I've fucked it up with them too. I don't care if Harry gets mad at me or you, but I won't be able to sleep at night if you're mad at me. You've been nothing but kind to me since day one, you introduced me to everyone, literally everyone in the crew, and you've always offered me your food, your pillow, or your shoulder when I needed to cry on, or take a nap. Michael, you did not deserve what I did to you." I paused to wipe the tears that were silently streaming down my face. "Again, I don't even know why I did it, other than I was drunk and there was some hidden sexual tension between Harry and I. I don't want to lose what you and I built so quickly over the last week... But I also don't know how it would happen between us. It couldn't."
"We haven't even given it a try." He said, picking at the calluses on his fingers.
"I know we haven't, but I'm just so unsure."
"Go home." Michael said, looking up from his hands to me. "Go home, go spend time with your brother and get your head straight. Josh will understand, he already talked about it tonight."
"What?"
"Just go home and come back. Even if its only for a few days. You need a break, you've been overworked, you've had a huge change in your life recently. A few, actually." He chuckled and looked back at his worn hands. "I'm sorry I got so mad, it just really hurt that you would have brought Harry back here after you lied to me about going to bed early. I shouldn't have gotten so mad since we aren't really anything 'official.'"
"And I'm terribly sorry I lied to you."
"Then we're good, okay? I won't hold it against you, because I probably would have done something just as stupid if the famous Harry Styles were trying to take me to bed, too." He laughed at me and winked, and I knew everything was okay. I stood up to hug Michael but he pulled me on top of him into his lap. "Lydia, you mean a lot to me. I won't let something this stupid come between my feelings for you."
I gazed into Michael's eyes and pushed my nose against him, pecking him on the lips. "Thank you. I'm sorry, again."
He squeezed my body against him. "Apologize again and I'm going to tickle you."
"Okay, okay." I held my hands up in surrender. I kissed Michael on the cheek and rested my head on his shoulder, and he placed a kiss on my temple.
"You need to get some sleep, babe. It's 4 in the morning." I let out a groan, I had completely sobered up but I still had an early morning ahead of me. I had to be ready by 9 to start wrangling the boys to have them out of the hotel by 10, and at an interview at 11. Then they had a plane ride to LA, and I would assume this would be when I would get sent back home.
"But I want to spend more time with you."
"I'll stay here until 8, then sneak back into the room with Luke and Calum. They won't notice I was gone."
"Ugh, and I've got to get rid of Ashton's girl if she spent the night." I flung my head back and let out another groan of disgust. "How did I get stuck with that job?"
"I guess you didn't realize you were signing on for that, huh?" Michael's hand started tracing shapes on my leg as he spoke, "Fuck, I really like you a lot."
"This kind of sucks." I admitted to him, curling into his warm body, nodding my head. I let out a yawn and that's the last thing I remember before I drifted off to sleep in Michael's arms.
---
"Wake the fuck up, Ashton and Michael!" I played dumb as I knocked on Ashton's hotel door. Ashton answered the door, his hair sticking a million different ways. He nodded back towards the directions of the beds and I knew what he needed me to do as he went to the bathroom. I walked over to the bed to see a sleeping brunette. I gently nudged her on the shoulder and she stirred but still didn't wake up. "Hey, hey."
"Oh my God, I didn't know he was- I'm so-"
"I'm just their tour manager, the boys need to get going for an interview later today. Ashton's already left, he didn't want to wake you up since you guys were up so late last night." She sweetly smiled at me and I turned my back so if she needed to get dressed, she could. She quickly put her clothes on and exited the room quietly, thanking me for waking her up. I rolled my eyes as Ashton opened the bathroom door.
"You're the best manager ever." He picked me up in a huge hug and spun me around, "And since you're the best tour manager ever, you're not going to lie to me, are you?"
"What?" I, again, played dumb.
"Don't be stupid. There's something going on with you and Michael."
"What the fuck, Ashton?! No there isn't."
"Yes there is. I saw him texting you all night long last night, and he said he'd sleep somewhere else. I'm assuming he snuck up to your room. There is no way you guys spent last week cooped up in this hotel without hooking up. And if you didn't, then... damn."
I looked at Ashton, admitting complete defeat. I figured arguing would just make it even more obvious. "What the fuck am I going to do." I plopped back on Michael's empty bed. Ashton sat at my head and I scooted my head to rest in his lap while he played with my hair.
"I don't know, but I can tell he's in a lot deeper than you are right now. He barely even drank last night, he and Josh had a 15 minute conversation about you. Luke and Calum are completely clueless, though. So you're safe with them not knowing, and I'm a good secret keeper."
"I know you are, that's why I didn't argue anymore. God, what am I going to do? I like him so much, Ash."
"I would be upfront about it. All they can do is fire you."
"And I'll never be able to afford to just come on tour with you guys though. I'd have to get another job back home and-"
"Which one of us would say you couldn't come on tour with us? We would love to still have you on tour. Think about both of you guys' happiness. Sneaking around to be together, or just being able to be together. Michael would take care of you, and I know you've saved up money, and your brother could just hire you to work for him for a few months at a time. We aren't touring all the time. And we're about to come to London." Everything Ashton said was true.
I thought about it for a few moments before I spoke, "That's all true. I just need some time to think about it. It's a big deal, and I don't want to upset everyone."
"Honestly, I think they'll be more surprised if you DON'T admit to it. Josh made a few side jokes about how funny it would be if you and Michael would hook up while everyone was away. Who knows, they may let you stay."
I shook my head, "No, it said something about relations with you guys in my contract. Any crew member too. Immediate disposal." I air quoted the word disposal, laughing at how they had worded it. "I think I just need some time at home to think about everything. Michael needs some time away from me to think about it too." Ashton nodded above me, and we both looked when we saw the hotel door open. It was Michael trying to sneak into the room.
"Ah, am I interrupting something?" He asked, awkwardly standing in the hallway.
"No, but good job, mate!" I slapped Ashton on the bicep and he pretended that I had hurt him. "She's a keeper."
"Oh, my God, Ashton!" I stood up from his lap and stretched. "I need to go wake up Dumb and Dumber."
"They're already awake. Luke woke up puking and Calum isn't much better." Michael said, making some coffee, I'm assuming for them and not himself since he hated coffee. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him from behind and rested my head on the middle of his back.
"I ship it." Ashton said, walking by to the refrigerator. I rolled my eyes at his phrase and let go of Michael. He turned around to face me and gave me a huge bear hug.
"I need to go talk to Josh."
"You're going to tell him?"
"No, but I'm going to ask him if I can go home for a few days. He can handle you guys in LA, and I'll meet you back in London. It's just two days in LA, then you fly over to London."
"Do whatever you think you need to do." Michael kissed me on the top of the head and I stood on my tip toes to peck him on the lips.
"Good grief, you two are sickening."
"Bye, boys." I said, leaving the two alone to talk about everything. I knocked on Josh's door across from the boys room and he quickly opened the door. "Hey, can we talk?"
Josh nodded and welcomed me into his room. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's great. I was just wondering... If you think you can handle them for two days by yourself? I hate to mix work and my home life, but I've just had a lot happen in my life. I don't feel as if I'm as focused as I should be on the boys, and I think I need to clear my head, by myself, with no work for two days. I miss my brother."
"Feel free to go home, and we'll just meet you in London for the shows. There should be a few flights you could catch later today, I'll see if there are any tickets left."
"Thank you so much!" I hugged Josh and he hugged me back, "You have no idea how much I need this."
"I do, Michael and I talked about it last night for a while. He had already noticed you've been extra drained lately. I know taking care of him was a lot for you, and I cannot thank you enough. I'll pay for your flight home, too." I smiled widely at Josh and thanked him again, and made my way back to my room. I pulled out my phone to tell Jenn I was leaving her bag at the front desk, sent a text to tell Ross I was coming home to stay with him for a few days, and then told Michael that Josh was sending me home to London. I started packing my bags and immediately felt relieved that pretty soon I'd be on a plane home to see my brother and relax for two days before I had to face all of my decisions again.
"Michael, he knows. He guessed by the way you blew my phone up all night tonight. Harry was just doing the same as you- making sure that I made it back to the room safe." Neither boy said anything. Harry's hand was still on the small of my back, but Michael couldn't see it. His hand was on fire, and it felt like he was almost burning my skin. The air in the elevator was thick with awkwardness, and no one moved when the ding sounded that we had arrived at my floor. "Well. This has been sufficiently awkward. Thanks for everything tonight, Harry. I'll see you around. Michael, you've got to be up and ready early tomorrow for an interview, so I'll see you then."
"I'll walk you to your room." Michael offered and pulled me out of the elevator, giving me only a moment to give Harry a quick hug. Honestly, this was probably better that it was working out this way. We walked to my room in silence and I pulled my hotel key out of my bag, but Michael immediately grabbed it from my hand.
"You're not going in there until you tell me the truth. Were you bringing him back to your room?"
"No, Michael. Who do you think I am?"
"Exactly. Who do you think you are? He's one of my best friends. What the fuck were you thinking?" Michael had backed me up against the door of the hotel room, and had one hand above my head.
"Can you please not yell at me in the hotel's fucking HALLWAY?! Give me my key back and we'll talk in the room."
"No." Michael shook his head, his green eyes were full of a look I had never seen in him before. He was holding his bottom lip between his teeth like he was holding back from what he wanted to say.
"Michael fucking Clifford, give me my room key back." I stood on my tip toes, almost tall enough to reach the key in his hand that he was now holding far above my height. I accidentally knocked the black snapback off of his head. Knowing Michael, he hated his hair being seen without being styled, hence the wearing of the hat. When he bent over to grab the hat, I grabbed the room key out of his hand that was at my height. 'HA!" I laughed at him and opened the room. He followed me in, defeated.
"So, why was Harry walking you back to your room?"
"We ran into each other at the club, had a few drinks and caught up. Jenn ditched me, and he wanted to make sure I made it back here safe."
"That's it?"
"That's it." I said, removing my jacket and tossing it off to the side.
"Why do you always cover up your tattoos?"
"I don't." I said, bending over to take off my shoes.
"Yeah, you do. You always wear sweaters or jackets."
"I just don't like my arms being exposed, that's all. I've never liked my arms. Listen, Mikey, I really need to go to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow and I need to sleep off as much of this hangover that's already hitting me as I possibly can."
"You're beautiful. Stop it." Michael made his way over to me and placed his hands on my upper arms, and rested his nose on the top of my hair, inhaling my scent. "You don't smell like you."
"Huh?" I asked, looking up at him. He took my curly brown hair in his hands and started smelling my hair. "Oh, it's probably just Jenn's hairspray." I said, walking away from Michael and grabbing my sleep leggings and the t-shirt I had stolen from him.
"Or Harry's cologne. I swear to God, Lydia. Did you guys fuck in the car?"
"Michael, why are you so obsessed with this? Leave it alone."
"You smell like him. You don't think I know what one of my best friends smells like?!" I was hurriedly changing out of my clothes as Michael stood and watched me strip down, then cover myself back up. He stood there with his arms crossed, his black and red plaid shirt hanging loosely on his pale body. "I'm not leaving until you tell me the truth."
I leaned over the sink and splashed my face with water, grabbed my face soap and started washing my makeup off. "I am telling you the truth."
"No you're not, you won't look at me."
I stood up, my face dripping wet with running makeup and soap, "Michael, we did not fuck in the car."
"But you're not denying nothing else happened."
I leaned back over the sink to continue washing my face, "We danced together. A lot, okay? Why does it matter, you and I aren't dating."
"Why does it matter?! Why does it matter, Lydia?! You have now hurt me like every other girl in my entire life. I'm never good enough for anyone, do you get that? Every girl I've ever been with has found someone more attractive than me, skinnier than me, more toned than me, and left me for them. And here I am, thinking that you are actually interested in me, but boy was I fucking wrong."
"Michael, it's not like that." I dried my face and made my way over to him, and cringed as he backed away from me, shaking his head. I needed to fess up to what I had done "Just listen to me. I'm sorry. I was drunk. We danced, and had a few drinks, and Harry came onto me in the car, okay? I stopped him and nothing happened."
"Did you kiss him?" I stared at him, not answering. "Lydia, did you kiss Harry?"
"Yeah, I did." I immediately felt terrible for what I had done. Michael's eyes were starting to water. In all the time that I had been touring with the boys, Michael had been the one I had never seen cry. "Michael, please. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have lied to you about what happened, either."
"You're right. You weren't thinking. I could get you fired, do you realize that?"
"Yeah, I do." I sat down on the bed and looked down at my lap, not wanting to look at Michael anymore. "Michael, if you understood how terrible I felt about what I did..."
He interrupted me. "I don't need to understand, because I feel just as terrible."
"Mikey, please. Just listen to me." I looked back up at him and he was taking a seat in the chair opposite of the bed I was sitting in, I was relieved he had decided to stay. "I've never done something like this before. I'm still hurting and confused from Colin. This wasn't like me to act like this, it was completely out of character. I don't want to lose my job. I love working with you guys, and spending time with you. It doesn't feel like a job to me. I fucked up, alright? I fucked up with you, I've fucked up the friendship I had with Harry, and if the other three find out about this, I've fucked it up with them too. I don't care if Harry gets mad at me or you, but I won't be able to sleep at night if you're mad at me. You've been nothing but kind to me since day one, you introduced me to everyone, literally everyone in the crew, and you've always offered me your food, your pillow, or your shoulder when I needed to cry on, or take a nap. Michael, you did not deserve what I did to you." I paused to wipe the tears that were silently streaming down my face. "Again, I don't even know why I did it, other than I was drunk and there was some hidden sexual tension between Harry and I. I don't want to lose what you and I built so quickly over the last week... But I also don't know how it would happen between us. It couldn't."
"We haven't even given it a try." He said, picking at the calluses on his fingers.
"I know we haven't, but I'm just so unsure."
"Go home." Michael said, looking up from his hands to me. "Go home, go spend time with your brother and get your head straight. Josh will understand, he already talked about it tonight."
"What?"
"Just go home and come back. Even if its only for a few days. You need a break, you've been overworked, you've had a huge change in your life recently. A few, actually." He chuckled and looked back at his worn hands. "I'm sorry I got so mad, it just really hurt that you would have brought Harry back here after you lied to me about going to bed early. I shouldn't have gotten so mad since we aren't really anything 'official.'"
"And I'm terribly sorry I lied to you."
"Then we're good, okay? I won't hold it against you, because I probably would have done something just as stupid if the famous Harry Styles were trying to take me to bed, too." He laughed at me and winked, and I knew everything was okay. I stood up to hug Michael but he pulled me on top of him into his lap. "Lydia, you mean a lot to me. I won't let something this stupid come between my feelings for you."
I gazed into Michael's eyes and pushed my nose against him, pecking him on the lips. "Thank you. I'm sorry, again."
He squeezed my body against him. "Apologize again and I'm going to tickle you."
"Okay, okay." I held my hands up in surrender. I kissed Michael on the cheek and rested my head on his shoulder, and he placed a kiss on my temple.
"You need to get some sleep, babe. It's 4 in the morning." I let out a groan, I had completely sobered up but I still had an early morning ahead of me. I had to be ready by 9 to start wrangling the boys to have them out of the hotel by 10, and at an interview at 11. Then they had a plane ride to LA, and I would assume this would be when I would get sent back home.
"But I want to spend more time with you."
"I'll stay here until 8, then sneak back into the room with Luke and Calum. They won't notice I was gone."
"Ugh, and I've got to get rid of Ashton's girl if she spent the night." I flung my head back and let out another groan of disgust. "How did I get stuck with that job?"
"I guess you didn't realize you were signing on for that, huh?" Michael's hand started tracing shapes on my leg as he spoke, "Fuck, I really like you a lot."
"This kind of sucks." I admitted to him, curling into his warm body, nodding my head. I let out a yawn and that's the last thing I remember before I drifted off to sleep in Michael's arms.
---
"Wake the fuck up, Ashton and Michael!" I played dumb as I knocked on Ashton's hotel door. Ashton answered the door, his hair sticking a million different ways. He nodded back towards the directions of the beds and I knew what he needed me to do as he went to the bathroom. I walked over to the bed to see a sleeping brunette. I gently nudged her on the shoulder and she stirred but still didn't wake up. "Hey, hey."
"Oh my God, I didn't know he was- I'm so-"
"I'm just their tour manager, the boys need to get going for an interview later today. Ashton's already left, he didn't want to wake you up since you guys were up so late last night." She sweetly smiled at me and I turned my back so if she needed to get dressed, she could. She quickly put her clothes on and exited the room quietly, thanking me for waking her up. I rolled my eyes as Ashton opened the bathroom door.
"You're the best manager ever." He picked me up in a huge hug and spun me around, "And since you're the best tour manager ever, you're not going to lie to me, are you?"
"What?" I, again, played dumb.
"Don't be stupid. There's something going on with you and Michael."
"What the fuck, Ashton?! No there isn't."
"Yes there is. I saw him texting you all night long last night, and he said he'd sleep somewhere else. I'm assuming he snuck up to your room. There is no way you guys spent last week cooped up in this hotel without hooking up. And if you didn't, then... damn."
I looked at Ashton, admitting complete defeat. I figured arguing would just make it even more obvious. "What the fuck am I going to do." I plopped back on Michael's empty bed. Ashton sat at my head and I scooted my head to rest in his lap while he played with my hair.
"I don't know, but I can tell he's in a lot deeper than you are right now. He barely even drank last night, he and Josh had a 15 minute conversation about you. Luke and Calum are completely clueless, though. So you're safe with them not knowing, and I'm a good secret keeper."
"I know you are, that's why I didn't argue anymore. God, what am I going to do? I like him so much, Ash."
"I would be upfront about it. All they can do is fire you."
"And I'll never be able to afford to just come on tour with you guys though. I'd have to get another job back home and-"
"Which one of us would say you couldn't come on tour with us? We would love to still have you on tour. Think about both of you guys' happiness. Sneaking around to be together, or just being able to be together. Michael would take care of you, and I know you've saved up money, and your brother could just hire you to work for him for a few months at a time. We aren't touring all the time. And we're about to come to London." Everything Ashton said was true.
I thought about it for a few moments before I spoke, "That's all true. I just need some time to think about it. It's a big deal, and I don't want to upset everyone."
"Honestly, I think they'll be more surprised if you DON'T admit to it. Josh made a few side jokes about how funny it would be if you and Michael would hook up while everyone was away. Who knows, they may let you stay."
I shook my head, "No, it said something about relations with you guys in my contract. Any crew member too. Immediate disposal." I air quoted the word disposal, laughing at how they had worded it. "I think I just need some time at home to think about everything. Michael needs some time away from me to think about it too." Ashton nodded above me, and we both looked when we saw the hotel door open. It was Michael trying to sneak into the room.
"Ah, am I interrupting something?" He asked, awkwardly standing in the hallway.
"No, but good job, mate!" I slapped Ashton on the bicep and he pretended that I had hurt him. "She's a keeper."
"Oh, my God, Ashton!" I stood up from his lap and stretched. "I need to go wake up Dumb and Dumber."
"They're already awake. Luke woke up puking and Calum isn't much better." Michael said, making some coffee, I'm assuming for them and not himself since he hated coffee. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him from behind and rested my head on the middle of his back.
"I ship it." Ashton said, walking by to the refrigerator. I rolled my eyes at his phrase and let go of Michael. He turned around to face me and gave me a huge bear hug.
"I need to go talk to Josh."
"You're going to tell him?"
"No, but I'm going to ask him if I can go home for a few days. He can handle you guys in LA, and I'll meet you back in London. It's just two days in LA, then you fly over to London."
"Do whatever you think you need to do." Michael kissed me on the top of the head and I stood on my tip toes to peck him on the lips.
"Good grief, you two are sickening."
"Bye, boys." I said, leaving the two alone to talk about everything. I knocked on Josh's door across from the boys room and he quickly opened the door. "Hey, can we talk?"
Josh nodded and welcomed me into his room. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's great. I was just wondering... If you think you can handle them for two days by yourself? I hate to mix work and my home life, but I've just had a lot happen in my life. I don't feel as if I'm as focused as I should be on the boys, and I think I need to clear my head, by myself, with no work for two days. I miss my brother."
"Feel free to go home, and we'll just meet you in London for the shows. There should be a few flights you could catch later today, I'll see if there are any tickets left."
"Thank you so much!" I hugged Josh and he hugged me back, "You have no idea how much I need this."
"I do, Michael and I talked about it last night for a while. He had already noticed you've been extra drained lately. I know taking care of him was a lot for you, and I cannot thank you enough. I'll pay for your flight home, too." I smiled widely at Josh and thanked him again, and made my way back to my room. I pulled out my phone to tell Jenn I was leaving her bag at the front desk, sent a text to tell Ross I was coming home to stay with him for a few days, and then told Michael that Josh was sending me home to London. I started packing my bags and immediately felt relieved that pretty soon I'd be on a plane home to see my brother and relax for two days before I had to face all of my decisions again.