Lonely Holiday

Dear Harry.

Merry Christmas.

How have you been? How is your family? How are they boys? Are you all busy with organising tours? A new album maybe?

I have been well… if you're at all interested. I have been keeping myself busy, with work and schooling. I have like no time to be social which I don’t know if that is a good thing or bad thing. For the most part it is good I mean it means I am earning money for my living so I can afford to by Christmas presents and help mum and dad out with everything.

Have you got a big Christmas planned? I myself am having a quiet one. Mum and Dad have flown over to Scotland to be with Junior for the holiday leaving me to housesit while they are away. Trish has invited me to go over there for a feast, but I feel like I would be intruding on her family. She promises I’m not and that Kevin doesn’t mind.

But I don’t know, I’ll see how everything goes. I might go but I don’t know.

Okay. I can’t hold this off any longer. I need to get it all out and I need to know. Naturally I never normally write a letter but seeing as it’s the only way I can bring myself to try and contact you, because let’s be honest Talking in person and on the phone is out and texting is just annoying.

I just want to know how could you? And that sounds pathetic and cliche but it’s been going through my mind for weeks now. What did I do or didn’t do that could have caused you to hurt me like this? All I have done was ever love you. Was it really because of the touring? Was it really too hard to try and keep up a relationship with me while you travelled the globe. Sure I study and I work but I am like any normal girl my age. I work so that I can have money when I need it in my later life and I study because I want to do something with myself.

I’m not as lucky as you Harry, I can’t go on a TV show, just burst out singing and win over the crowd. One because I don’t have the confidence and second of all I don’t wield any of those talents. I can’t sing, can’t play an instrument I can hardly dance as well. The only thing I can do is run a mile, cook up a storm and recite old Disney movies.

Sure I’m not as exciting as some of the beautiful girls you have dated, each have an amazing career, a TV presenter, a singer, a model, a millionaire and then theres me a uni student. I guess I can kind of see why you decided to end it. I guess I shouldn’t be so shocked or hurt but I am. My god am I hurt. As soon as you walked away I thought my heart had broken in half. The pain that pierced my chest was excruciating. It was a struggle to breathe. You left me. You left me outside my apartment with a broken heart and in a shit load of pain.

I loved you.

I love you.

That probably makes no difference, did you stop loving me ages ago when you realised I wasn’t as free as previous girlfriends. That I had a limit to what I could do. I tried my hardest to do everything with you but when I had a massive test it was hard to go partying the night before. And whenever I got home from work I tried to dress nicely and accompany you to dinner but some nights I was bone tired that I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to grab some take out and veg for a while. I am sorry for that. I am sorry that I couldn’t be more wild.

More free.

You can’t deny that I didn’t try though. I was at every event that you and the boys were invited to. I would always go down and see you when you were recording. I was even at signings and lurking in the corners when you were at interviews. Why? Because you asked. Because I knew that you wanted me there.

I should probably wrap this up. I think it’s enough angst to last a lifetime.

I hope that your future is bright and that you find another woman that you love and this time she will be the one that you will keep. The one that will make you fall head over heels for. The woman that will make it hard to be away from.

Anyways.

This Christmas is going to suck.

I miss you.

All the best

Lulu xox