Daunted

The Dauntless are the first of the factions to be on their feet after the Choosing Ceremony ends. I am with the other transfers in the front row, and we all scramble to our feet in a confused dash to keep up with the rest of our new faction. They run through the doors of the hall, past the elevator and into the stairwell. We can do nothing but follow, no time to cast sorrowful glances back at the families we’re leaving behind. The narrow walls of the stairs are filled with echoing whoops and laughter as black-clad figures jump over the railings and leap down entire flights of stairs at a time — some of them fall, but they climb back to their feet with a laugh. I can’t help myself; I start to cheer with them, overcome with their infectious enthusiasm, the spontaneity of it all. But though we transfers follow them, we still don’t fit in with them – not yet. Our colourful clothes stand out amongst the Dauntless black. I think of the black clothes I will soon change into, and the thought makes my legs fly just a little faster underneath me.

When we burst through the front doors of the building, I half-expect us to pile into one of the busses, but instead we turn and run off the pavement and through the grass. Here, in the outdoors, the running makes me feel a new kind of freedom. I run fast and wild, passing by some of the Dauntless-born as I work to catch up with the front of the group. I want to see where we’re going; I want to see everything.

One of the Dauntless-born boys notices me catching up to the front of the pack, and he gives me a small smile before running even further ahead. I frown, knitting my brows together, before realizing he’s challenging me. I pump my legs even faster, my braid whipping in the wind behind me, and I start to pass the boy. I turn to him, giving him the same cocky smile he gave me, and he clenches his jaw as he quickens his pace to keep up.

Just as we approach a rickety-looking bridge, the Dauntless start to climb up the ladders that lead to the top of the overpass. I find the nearest support post and immediately start scaling to the top, the rusty metal rungs chafing against the bandage that covers the cut on my palm. I am one of the first transfers to arrive at the top, and I watch as more and more of them climb onto the platform. They look around with confused expressions, as though trying to figure out why we’re up here. But I am not confused; I know exactly what will happen next.

Though they don’t have much in common, Dauntless and Amity work very closely together. They are the only two factions with unrestricted access outside the fence, and Dauntless offers Amity extra protection since their homes are all located out in the open, no walls or city surrounding them. I have seen the Dauntless get to and from their shifts, and I know how they travel. They all travel by train, and now so will I.

The track starts to vibrate, a low thrumming that I feel deep in my bones. It grows steadily louder and louder, until the lights of the train come into sight. The Dauntless start to run then, getting a head start as the train gains on them. It slows down, but not enough; the gust of wind hits me like a brick wall as it charges past me. My heart quickens and I start to run along with the Dauntless, unsure how they can do this so effortlessly. This is easy for them; they move without hesitation, their bodies so familiar with the actions that they come automatically. Someone reaches over to the side of the train, pressing the button to open the doors, and then all at once three Dauntless born throw themselves into the car, cheering as they land with a loud clatter.

“Jump or be factionless!” yells one of the Dauntless in front of me before she too leaps inside the car. She doesn’t sound overly concerned about whether or not the transfers make it inside, and I find myself even more anxious to shed my Amity clothes.

“Are they serious right now?” says a boy behind me, his voice broken up by gasps as he runs to keep up with the train. It’s picking up speed now, and the last car grows closer with every second.

I’m not sure if the boy is speaking to me or not, but I turn to him and shrug before I grab hold of the handle just barely within my reach, pulling myself inside the car with all my strength. My shoulder screams in protest, but I grit my teeth through the pain as I let myself fall on the wooden floor of the train. I made it.

The boy behind me, who I now see wears the blue of Erudite, grimaces as he pushes himself to go just a little faster. He manages to grab the handle of the door, but he’s too far behind to get enough leverage to pull himself inside. I lean forward, holding my hand out for him to grab, and without a second’s hesitation he does. He is much taller than me, with a brawny frame, so it takes all my strength to help pull him inside the car. He lets out a breathless laugh when he’s finally inside, rolling onto his back and not moving as he tries to catch his breath. I peek my head outside the door, looking back to see who has been left behind. There are only two people who didn’t make it; an Erudite girl and an Amity boy. I look away before I can recognize the Amity boy – knowing his identity would make it much harder to accept that someone from my faction, someone that I grew up with, has just become factionless. As I look around at the other transfers, it dawns on me that I am now the only Amity transfer here, and though I know I no longer have any connection to Amity, it still makes me feel lonely.

I turn to the Erudite boy, watching him as he slowly raises himself up to a sitting position and leans against the wall of the train. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, thanks to you,” he says, mouth widening into a grin. He has a handsome face; sharp jaw, dark hair, smiling green eyes, and his cheeks are flushed pink from exertion. I smile back at him without meaning to.

“I’m Valerie,” I say, and I lean forward to hug him before remembering that I am no longer in Amity. I quickly plant my hands down at my side, embarrassed.

“I’m James,” he says, then asks, “So, people really do hug each other in Amity?”

I nod sheepishly. “Sorry. Old habits die hard.”

“That’s true for all of us, I think,” James points out.

The train is suddenly filled with the sound of people scuffling to their feet, and when I look up all the Dauntless born are standing again, but then something strange happens. It starts with the first few cars, all the way down at the other end of the train. They all press themselves right up against the back of the car, then run forward at full force. I bite back a scream, imagining them all falling to their deaths as they hit the pavement thirty feet below the overpass, but all I hear are cheers. More and more Dauntless follow their actions, and suddenly I see what they are doing. A nearby flat-roofed building lies adjacent to the overpass, just a three or four foot gap separating it from the train. This is where the Dauntless are jumping. I don’t even think about it at this point; there is too much adrenaline still flooding my system for me to think this out logically. Instead, I motion for James to stand up with me, but I don’t wait for him. I take my run forward, leaping from the edge of the car to the roof. It’s not until I’m in the air that I see how far down the ground really is, how small the trees all look as I soar above them.

But then I am back on solid ground, and the only thing I see when I look down is the sturdy concrete of the rooftop. I slide a few feet forward on my stomach, the rough gravel scratching up my legs and arms, but I hardly notice it. All I can feel is the relief that I am still breathing, still alive, rather than a broken body on the ground below.

I hear a loud curse followed by a heavy thud, and when I turn around I see James sprawled across the pavement just a few feet to my right. His hands are covered in shallow scrapes from landing on the concrete, and his blue jacket is covered in dirt and dust.

“I’m getting really tired of this whole ‘jumping’ thing,” he grumbles as he gets to his feet. I try to stand up myself, but it takes a few tries before my legs stop shaking and will support me.

One man stands on the other end of the roof, balancing easily on the narrow ledge that lines the roof, and I immediately know he is another Dauntless leader just from the way he stands. It’s strange to me; after growing up in Amity and having no official leaders, I don’t understand how Dauntless can function with so many different leaders. I know I will come to understand it, though, and the thought brings a smile to my face.

“Initiates, over here!” calls the man, and everyone obeys. Even the Dauntless born follow his orders without any hesitation, and something about their expressions suggests they listen out of fear. I walk quickly over to him, not wanting to be one of the last to reach him for fear of what he will do.

I’m close enough now to get a better look at him, and I suddenly understand why the others are too scared to disobey him. For the most part, he looks just like any other Dauntless. He has tattoos weaving across one of his forearms and creeping up his neck, piercings in his ears and another right above his brow, with slicked hair and an athletic frame. But his eyes are what separates him from the others. They are cold, hard, calculating. They run over the crowd, taking in all the Dauntless-born who stayed loyal to their faction as well as the new transfers. His gaze falls on me, the only one with red and yellow clothes, and my stomach twists nervously. But then he moves on, inspecting the person next to me, and I can breathe again.

“Listen up! My name is Eric, I’m one of your leaders. Basically, what I say here goes, no questions asked.” He pauses, eyes running over us all once again, making sure his words have sunk in. “All right, now, if you want to get into Dauntless, you’re going to have to go in through here.” He looks down over the edge of the roof and gestures to the ground, and everyone shuffles closer to see what he’s pointing at. The ground is still 30 feet below us, but there is a large, jagged-looking hole in the middle of the pavement. I squint my eyes, trying to see what lies inside the hole, but it’s too dark.

“Is he crazy?” scoffs a Candor girl, leaning away from the edge and crossing her arms over her chest.

Eric narrows his eyes, stepping off the ledge and landing on the roof a few feet in front of her. Now that he is on level with me I notice that he is tall, with broad shoulders and thick bands of muscle across his exposed arms. I don’t understand how anyone could find the nerve to question him aloud like that, even if they were from Candor.

“Why don’t you go first, initiate?” he says, voice even but dangerous.

People start to slowly step away from her, not wanting to get caught between her and Eric. “No way,” the girl murmurs, though she sounds a little less sure of herself now.

“If you don’t jump, then you’re out. Factionless,” Eric says, drawing out the word and watching the way she cringes at the thought. “We don’t tolerate any shows of cowardice here.”

The girl pauses, wraps her arms around herself uncertainly, then steps forward. It is better to be dead than to be factionless – of course she will jump. Eric steps aside, clearing her path to the edge of the roof, and she pulls herself up on the ledge, wobbling precariously as she tries to regain her balance. Her hands ball into tight fists at her sides, and after a few seconds of staring down at the hole in the ground, she steps off the edge. Her scream fills the air as she falls, and I bite back a gasp as her voice suddenly cuts off. A few people rush forward, glancing over the edge to look for any sign of her, but I stay where I am. If something has happened to her, I don’t want to know. Not if we will all have to do the same thing.

Eric turns to the rest of us with a wicked smile, pleased with the terrified looks on our faces. “Now, who’s next?” No one speaks, not even daring to move a muscle for fear of singling themselves out. I am already singled out, though; Eric’s eyes find me, and like a predator targeting its prey, he hones in. “What about you, Softie?”

I blink a few times, remembering what the Dauntless call Amity; banjo-strumming softies. But I am not Amity anymore; I am Dauntless, and I will prove it to him. “Yes,” I say confidently, raising my chin. I walk past him to the side of the roof, pulling my long skirt up to my knees so I can climb onto the ledge. The wind is stronger here, whipping at the braid that has already loosened from all my running. I know the braid won’t hold much longer, so I reach back and pull out the elastic, letting my hair flow in the wind. The buttercups that Hannah wove into the braid fly around me in the air.

I hear the people behind me snicker. “Stop flinging your flowers around and jump,” Eric says firmly.

My cheeks flush red from embarrassment, and before he can say another word I let myself fall forwards, tumbling off the roof. I don’t scream, because I don’t want to give anyone the satisfaction of hearing it, so I simply close my eyes and wait for the fall to end. I’m not sure what will catch me, whether it will be a pool of water or the unforgiving rocky ground, but it doesn’t matter now.

Suddenly there is something beneath me – I can tell it’s supposed to be soft, but it’s still painful when I hit it at such a high speed. I bounce up into the air, legs flailing as my skirt flies up my thighs, and I fall back down onto the unfamiliar surface again, though it’s softer this time. My hands reach out to my side, trying to figure out what I’ve landed on, and my fingers close around rope. A net, I realize quickly. A laugh of disbelief bubbles past my lips, but it’s cut short as the net is suddenly swung to the side, shaking me off and onto the ground. I land with a thud, wincing as my sore muscles hit the floor, but I can’t shake the smile that stays plastered on my face.

“What’s your name?” asks the Dauntless man who stands next to the net. He watches me as I climb to my feet. He doesn’t offer me any help, and I don’t want any. I have just jumped off a train and leapt off a rooftop; I feel invincible, and I don’t need anyone’s help now.

“Valerie,” I answer breathlessly, tucking my hair behind my ears. This boy doesn’t have any visible tattoos or piercings, but he has the same broad frame as Eric. I wonder if all the Dauntless men look like that. From what I’ve seen so far, it wouldn’t surprise me.

“Second jumper: Valerie!” the man calls, letting the net swing back into place for the next initiate. I hear a few cheers from other Dauntless, applauding me for jumping.

I step down off the platform supporting the net, trying to hide the giddy smile that pinches at my cheeks. I’ve made it into Dauntless. I’m finally here, and I will do whatever it takes to make it through the rest of initiation, even if it kills me.