Drown

I'm drowning. Not literally but I'm sure that this is as close as it can get. I'm drowning in all the false hopes I was given. I am drowning in all the tears I've shed. The only thing good in my life is Kellin. He's my buoy in this ocean of empty promises. He is the only thing that is keeping me from going completely under.

Maybe I wouldn't mind going under. Perhaps I wouldn't care. Maybe then I might be at rest. I wipe the tears from my face, just adding to the already growing self-created ocean that I will later use to suffocate myself with. Let's stop pretending that happiness actually exists. All life really is, is an empty shell of broken promises.

Kellin was staring at me and I laugh halfheartedly, "What are you looking at?" I ask sitting cross-legged on the couch. He's beside me and shrugs, "I just think you look beautiful." I smile and kiss him on the cheek.

"I'm really not. I don't know what you see in me." I shrugs. Kellin shook his head and stood up.

"Vic, I love you. I wish I could show you how much you mean to me. I don't like how you're thinking of yourself, I don't like what you're becoming. You're going back to the dark days and it is scaring me.." He says with tears welling up in his eyes, "And don't think that I don't know what you're doing to yourself." He said as he grabbed my arm and lifts the sleeve revealing cuts, "And I also know that you haven't eaten lately."

I yank my arm away from his grip and stand up, "You don't understand Kellin! You have no idea what it's like! I wake up in the middle of the night just wanting to end it all just so that maybe there is a possibility of happiness! Every time I breathe I can feel myself collapsing a little bit with each and every breath!" I yell at him with tears streaming freely from my eyes, "I feel like I'm suffocating and that all the life from my well-being is just being ripped away from me.." I pause and look up to see if he was still listening, "Doing this to myself," I say motioning to my arm, "is the only thing that helps my feel anymore. I have been losing my goddamn mind and you don't even notice! All the happiness. All the anger. All of my memories. They are all being replaced with sorrow and numbness."

Now Kellin is crying he brings me in for a hug, "I love you Vic. I will help you fight this black hole that you are slipping into.. Just let me in. Let me help you." His arms are strong around my waist.

I nod letting the bittersweet tears fall onto his shirt, "I love you too." He ran his calloused fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head. He lifted my my head up and looked me in the eyes, "You're so beautiful, Viccy. I don't know how you don't see this. You're just so perfect, baby." A few more tears run down my face before he sits me up and walks me to bed me to bed, "Let's get some sleep, yeah?" I nod as he sets me down and crawls next to me, pulling the covers over the two of us and we fall asleep simultaneously.

As usual I wake up around 2 AM. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is a sign that I should just quit while I'm ahead. Should I just get it over with?

I get out of bed, careful not to wake my sleeping husband. I tiptoed out of the bedroom and into the kitchen and opened the medicine cabinet and grab my sleeping pills which I have neglected to take. I run my thumb over the lid out it and pop it off. I get a big glass of water and a piece of paper and a pen before swallowing as many of the pills as I could and chasing it quickly down with water.

I write the note before everything goes numb and soon black, "I'm sorry Kellin."

Kellin's POV

I wake up alone, this isn't normal though because Vic can never stay asleep. I get up and put a shirt on.

When I walk out into the living room I see Vic sleeping on the couch. I walk over to him and everything look normal until I see a piece of paper clutched in his hand. I start to shake as tears well in my eyes, "V-Viccy!" I choke out as I shake his shoulders, "N-no. Please don't leave me Vic! I'm so sorry.." My tears fell onto his face and rolled down his cheeks.

I gently took the piece of paper out of his clutched fingers and read it.

Dear Vic,

Please don't hate me.. I love you so much baby. It is just so hard to live in a world when all you feel is hurt and sadness. When all you see are people who know how to be happy. Everything that I used to love was suffocating me. The only good thing that has ever happened to me was meeting you. Loving you was the best part. Marrying you was the happiest choice that I've ever made.

I know you might be angry with me but I want you to know that I'm better and that nothing bad can happen to me now. I used to be so sad Kellin. I used to hate myself so much. You know this. You were the one person I talked to. Now I'm finally free. Please don't follow me Kells, no matter how hurt you are.. You deserve so much more. You deserve life. You deserve to have the happiness that I never got to have.

It's hard to live when you always feel like you're about to drown. I always wondered how to disappear completely, I guess I found it.

I love you so much Kells,
-Viccy

I clutched the piece of paper in my hand and looked at him, he looked so peaceful. Perhaps the happiest he has ever looked. He even had a small smile on his face. The smile that I haven't seen in a year. His body was still warm. Even when dead; he was still the most beautiful person in my eyes.

I can't live without him. He is my everything.

I took what was left of the pills and swallowed them. I sat on the couch and laid on his chest, wishing that maybe he'd wrap his strong arms around me. I pressed a kiss to his forehead, "I'm sorry, I love you Kellin. Hopefully you'll find a way to forgive me." I said as my vision began to go blurry and my heart slowed until everything went black.

I love you Victor.

3rd Person

As he step into the bright light all he sees is blank nothingness just black. That was until he saw a figure in front of him, "V-Vic?" He yelled as he ran towards the figure. When he got there the figure turned around. There he saw the beautiful brown eyes that he's been craving.

They wrapped their arms around each other and tears of happiness rolled down both of their cheeks. "Hey Vic.." Kellin said, "Look down." When he did so, he saw the earth. He saw the ocean that used to trap his beloved. The ones that almost made him drown from sadness. The most beautiful view he could imagine. When he looked around him, he saw stars and planets. He grabbed his husband and pressed a kiss to him, "I love you." He mumbled against his lips.

"I love you too Vic." The raven haired boy replied.

They say that they are still there today. If you look up at the sky, you'll see two stars that are brighter than the others. When they dance in the night sky it thunders and when they sing, the clouds bellow with tears. Together they sit. Together forever they said on their wedding day. Little did they know that it would happen.

The two stars watch the ocean which once suffocated them.