This Distance Is Poison

What’s really difficult about this situation I’m in is that, one: I’m all by myself here in the Phoenix airport, and two: Kennedy doesn’t even know who he’s looking for. All he knows is that he’s looking for a five foot eight brunette with hair a little longer than shoulder-length and that she’s wearing shorts, a white tank top, and a plaid shirt with the sleeves pushed up about half way. I’m terrified because I could look like a total stranger like anyone else and once he sees me, he could regret making this decision to invite me to his home state.

I landed in Arizona less than ten minutes ago and Kennedy already knew to look for me outside. He was standing right outside the automatic doors while I was waiting for the conveyor belt to move so I could grab my bag. Once it did and my bag showed up, I turned to the exit and nearly fainted. This was it.

I followed the group outside, walking slowly and staring at my feet. Ready was completely the contrast of what I was feeling. There was no way I was ready for this, but I was still excited, or at least that’s what I thought this feeling in my stomach was. Everybody that I joined outside was either saying hello to their loved ones or they were waiting for their loved ones. I stood awkwardly in front of the doors, fiddling with the handle on my bag. Looking around, I didn’t see Kennedy’s face anywhere. I panicked a little bit because that could only mean two things. Kennedy wasn’t real and I wasted my money on coming here. Of course this would happen. It was so obvious too! Someone uses a band member and they pretend to be them online and they get someone’s hopes up only to bring them crumbling down. I was probably so easy to trick too because I basically believe anything can happen.

While thinking the worst possible, I walked forward toward the curb and lean against a pillar. My hand runs through my hair and over my face and I sigh, kicking myself for being so stupid. This was too good to be true and I should’ve seen that.

All of the negative and hurtful thoughts were pushed out of my head right after I looked up and turned my head to the right. Kennedy was standing there, after people moved out of the way so I could see him, with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He was standing on his toes one moment and the other he was looking down at his phone in his hand. When mine vibrated in my front pocket, I nearly stopped breathing. He was standing right in front of me, looking for the girl who I described as me.

“Holy shit,” I muttered to myself. I was still staring at him, completely unmoving, completely amazed. Was this real life?

He was so cute. Just like in the pictures I saw of him. He was wearing a t-shirt on his back and a pair of sneakers like I was. He didn’t look like he cared what he wore, which was exactly how I felt about outfits I put on. Matching never crossed my mind, only my mom’s. She always wanted me to look good during school, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone there and I didn’t need to.

Kennedy’s hair was shorter than in the pictures I’ve seen. I’m not really sure which picture of him was recent from what I saw on the internet, but I liked it. He’s been searching for me for about five minutes, maybe more, and all I’ve done is torture the guy by staring at him.

I shook myself out of the gaze I had locked on him. My fingers curled around the handle on my suitcase and I pulled it along behind me, walking toward Kennedy. People were getting into cars around us and others were walking out of the building. Kennedy stopped looking for me when I stood in front of him and let go of my suitcase beside me. I looked up at him as he looked at me and we were both apprehensive.

“Emily?” He asked slowly.

A small smile came on my face and I nodded. He slipped his phone back into his pocket as I said, “Hi.”

He lit up with a smile too and I watched his eyes go up and down, trailing my body. My eyes stayed on his face as he took in my appearance and finally met me face to face. Now he didn’t have to imagine what I looked like.

“What?” I asked when he was staring right at me. The negative thoughts came back. “I’m not what you expected, am I?”

Self-loathing came along too.

“No, you are what I expected,” he shook his head. I frowned a little and looked at my feet. “Y-Yeah — I mean you’re — No,” he sighed. “No, you’re not what I imagined. You’re-you’re actually greater than what I imagined.”

My eyes met his again. “Really?”

“Really.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“No,” he laughed a little and rolled his eyes. “I mean it. I didn’t really know what to expect since you never sent me a picture or anything. I was starting to believe that you were just a robot or a body with a computer screen for a face.”

I giggled at his imagination. He was smiling at me when I looked at him again. The gap between his two front teeth in person was even better. I’ve never really met a person with a gap before. Without really asking him, I lifted my arms up and put them around his neck in a hug. I thought it was necessary since we’ve talked for so long and it was the first time we were meeting each other. It was crazy to think about.

“This is so weird.” Kennedy said while I kept hugging him. Once he said that, I froze and started to pull away, but he pulled me back into his chest. “Not weird where I’m uncomfortable,” he chuckled, chin moving against my shoulder. “Weird as in I’ve known you for two years and we’re just now hugging. I feel like this should’ve happened sooner.”

“Sorry it took so long.”

“It’s alright. You’re here now and that definitely makes up for it.” He tightened his arms around my waist for a moment before pulling away and smiling at me again. Whenever he smiled, I did. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“My car’s right over there,” he pointed behind his back with his thumb. I watched him take my suitcase, pulling it behind him and waiting for me to join. I walked beside him toward the parking lot where his car was and he put my bag into the backseat, getting into the driver’s. “Hungry for anything in particular?” He asked before starting the car. I buckled myself in and shook my head. “How was your first plane ride?”

“Terrifying,” I said, looking over at him as he kept his eyes on the road. “How do you do it? You’ve gone on more flights than anyone I know.”

Kennedy shrugged and glanced over at me. “It’s not hard. I mean, I’d rather be in a car than a plane, but they aren’t that bad.”

I nodded, looking down at my knees. “The Sour Patch made it endurable.”

“You snuck a pack on the plane?” He asked, laughing.

“I had to,” I shrugged. “There was no way I would’ve made it through without them.”

“I probably would have done the same thing.”

I smiled, looking up out the window. Kennedy drove for another five minutes and I took that time to stare out the window and catch glimpses of the city. It was weird to be anywhere else but Florida. At least the palm trees followed me here.

“How long are you staying?” Kennedy asked, bringing me back to reality. My head turned toward him and I thought about it.

“I’m not sure. More than a weekend right now. Sorry.”

“Sorry?” He looked at me. “The more time you’re here, the better. I can’t wait to show you around. Do you have a place to stay?”

I bit the inside of my lip. “Any motels you recommend?”

“You shouldn’t have to pay for staying here, especially longer than a weekend. You can stay with me — if you want that is.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “It’s just me in an empty house. I don’t hang out in it all day though, but it’ll be cool to have another person there. There’s two bedrooms so you don’t have to worry about sleeping on the couch.”

“You’d make me sleep on the couch if there were one bedroom?”

“No. I just thought that saying you instead of me would make me out to be less selfish. The couch isn’t that uncomfortable, by the way.”

I laughed. “Thank you. For letting me stay with you.”

“No problem.” He looked over at me and smiled again, igniting another on my face. I have a feeling that I’ll be doing a lot of smiling now.