This Distance Is Poison
chap. 2
My hand ran down my face and I sat back in the desk chair. Reading that message felt like a confirmation for what I’ve been thinking about since last year. I wanted to visit his home and —
“What are you reading?”
My head snapped toward Valerie walking over to stand beside me and look at the computer screen to read another email from the guy I talked about all the time. I waited for her to read it, crossing my arms over my chest and sighing.
“You have to go there.” She said, shaking her head. “You have to, Em. This guy is obsessed with you as much as you’re obsessed with him.” She stood, pointing at the computer screen. “You have to go there, meet him in person, and just hit it off like you already do.”
“I can’t.” I shrugged, staring at my bony knees. “I can’t just pack up and leave.”
“Yes, you can. You have nothing to do here and you haven’t done anything but mope. Go, Em. Go see him and stop waiting around for his email. You don’t deserve emails for the rest of your life and that’s all you’re going to get if you sit here and don’t do anything about it. You’re not going to miss much here and if you do, I’ll tell you about it, okay? Just please go, I’m begging you.”
“Why do you want me to go so bad?” I laughed, standing and walking into the kitchen across from the desk.
“Because you need to get back out there. I get that you’re down about losing your job and not finding another one, but maybe you’ll find something if you go out. I just want you to be happy.”
I looked back at her from opening the fridge in search for something to eat. “I’ll think about it.”
“You better. And fast. Both of you deserve more than emails for the rest of your lives.”
Valerie grabbed her drink from the counter and went into her room. I closed the fridge, not really feeling hungry anymore.
I’ve been talking to Kennedy for two years now. It’s always been on the internet, by email of course. We met one day on this website, one that’s shutdown now, and we’ve been talking ever since. We’ve grown close I guess you could say, but he doesn’t know what I look like since he never asked if I had any social network accounts. He did however find my only social network account, but I’ve never posted a picture of my face on it. I mostly just post pictures of whatever’s around me, but never my face. Like every parent, mine always told me to never share my name, phone number, or any personal information, as well as pictures of me, on the internet. I stuck to that even in my early twenties. I never lied about my name, age, or location to Kennedy though and I was never a fake with him. He didn’t pressure me to send pictures so he could actually see what I looked like, but there were times when he questioned if I was who I said I was. It was tough without physical proof, but maybe I had a chance now to prove that it was actually me — that I really am who I say I am.
I knew what Kennedy looked like for obvious reasons. Hearing that he was in a band intrigued me and it got to the point where I looked him up and was surprised with the results. It was so weird to be talking to a guy that was in a band and for a while I didn’t think it was true. But by how much he wanted me to come to Arizona to see him convinced me that he was real.
After standing in the middle of the kitchen for a while, I walked back to the computer desk and sat down. His email stared me in the face and I clicked on the reply button. My fingers sat on top of the keys. I breathed slowly, thinking of what I would say.
To: Kennedy <ktrotbrock@gmail.com>
From: Me
Re:
I sat there for a while, trying to figure out what to write. Instead, I minimized the window and went to buy a plane ticket. It didn’t take that long to purchase one and I printed out my copy, folding it and setting it aside on the desk. I went back to the new email and typed quickly as I thought.
The watermelon kind are alright. I once ate a whole bag of them, but they don’t really do anything for me.
Are you excited about getting back home? I still don’t understand how you do it — how you can be away for so long. I cried within the first hour of leaving my parents’ house when I was six. It was my first day of kindergarten. Let’s just say that it was not a fun first day. Are you going to sleep for eighteen hours like you said you were? I still don’t believe that will happen.
You’re not being annoying by the way because it worked on me this time. You don’t have to beg anymore. I just bought a plane ticket and I’ll be in Arizona in a week. Better be excited, Brock. I don’t spend 300 bucks for anyone, not even Valerie.
I hope you have a fun last few days on tour and that you make the most of it!
See you soon.
- Emily
I hit the send button and logged off the computer. My nerves were taking a toll on me because this would be the first time I’d go on a plane. And I’d be visiting someone I’ve known for two years, but never met in person. My nerves should be everywhere. Splattered on the walls and flooding my room. Valerie was pretty happy about hearing the news the next morning. It almost seemed like she wanted me to go more than she let on, but it didn’t bother me. She used to complain about how I was leading Kennedy on and how I should just send him a picture so he could stop wondering. I’m not really sure why I never sent him a picture of myself. I just didn’t want to.
Valerie went to work the next morning, leaving me to sit around the apartment for the whole day. I never really did anything anymore when I was at home by myself. Sometimes I watched a bunch of movies and other times I just sat on the computer. Neither were good since Valerie was starting to call me an albino. I’ll admit that I was pretty white for someone who lived in Florida her whole life, but I’d gone out a few times to catch some sun rays. That’s what I decided to do today and mostly for the rest of the week. I didn’t want to be seen as the whitest girl in Arizona and I didn’t want to feel like a fool for not darkening my skin a little. I hung out in the park mostly, bringing a blanket with me while I rode my bike. I had a car, but the park was close enough not to waste gas. I laid in the park for a few hours, almost until Valerie got back home and would start making plans for dinner.
The rest of my week was spent enjoying my last few days in Florida. Kennedy just about freaked out in his email after I told him I was coming to Arizona. He was excited from what I read and I was happy that he was. We made plans over the next few days and the weekend and I now had someone to pick me up from the airport. It was so weird to think that, but at least I’d meet him right when I got there.
Valerie helped me pack the night of my flight. It was more like the late afternoon when she got out of work early. We finished packing my clothes inside the luggage and Valerie and I soon went downstairs to get into her car. She drove me to the airport and we said goodbye there, hugging each other until I really had to go. Before I got on the plane, I texted Kennedy, since he now had my number as of last night, and told him that I’d be there in a few hours.
After a few hours, and two years, I’d finally meet the guy that I’ve found a friend in. To be honest, Kennedy was more than a friend, but we didn’t have an online relationship. I’m not really positive that we’ve had that kind of relationship and I’m not really sure if there is one in the future, but maybe this, meeting him, will change that. Maybe he likes me as much as I like him. I really wonder what will happen when we meet. Will he be disappointed that I’m not actually fun in person? Will he not want to be around me when I get there? Will he regret even talking to me in the first place? I didn’t know what to think as the plane grew closer and closer to his home. Now that I think about it and ask myself those questions, I’m afraid of meeting him for the first time in person.
“What are you reading?”
My head snapped toward Valerie walking over to stand beside me and look at the computer screen to read another email from the guy I talked about all the time. I waited for her to read it, crossing my arms over my chest and sighing.
“You have to go there.” She said, shaking her head. “You have to, Em. This guy is obsessed with you as much as you’re obsessed with him.” She stood, pointing at the computer screen. “You have to go there, meet him in person, and just hit it off like you already do.”
“I can’t.” I shrugged, staring at my bony knees. “I can’t just pack up and leave.”
“Yes, you can. You have nothing to do here and you haven’t done anything but mope. Go, Em. Go see him and stop waiting around for his email. You don’t deserve emails for the rest of your life and that’s all you’re going to get if you sit here and don’t do anything about it. You’re not going to miss much here and if you do, I’ll tell you about it, okay? Just please go, I’m begging you.”
“Why do you want me to go so bad?” I laughed, standing and walking into the kitchen across from the desk.
“Because you need to get back out there. I get that you’re down about losing your job and not finding another one, but maybe you’ll find something if you go out. I just want you to be happy.”
I looked back at her from opening the fridge in search for something to eat. “I’ll think about it.”
“You better. And fast. Both of you deserve more than emails for the rest of your lives.”
Valerie grabbed her drink from the counter and went into her room. I closed the fridge, not really feeling hungry anymore.
I’ve been talking to Kennedy for two years now. It’s always been on the internet, by email of course. We met one day on this website, one that’s shutdown now, and we’ve been talking ever since. We’ve grown close I guess you could say, but he doesn’t know what I look like since he never asked if I had any social network accounts. He did however find my only social network account, but I’ve never posted a picture of my face on it. I mostly just post pictures of whatever’s around me, but never my face. Like every parent, mine always told me to never share my name, phone number, or any personal information, as well as pictures of me, on the internet. I stuck to that even in my early twenties. I never lied about my name, age, or location to Kennedy though and I was never a fake with him. He didn’t pressure me to send pictures so he could actually see what I looked like, but there were times when he questioned if I was who I said I was. It was tough without physical proof, but maybe I had a chance now to prove that it was actually me — that I really am who I say I am.
I knew what Kennedy looked like for obvious reasons. Hearing that he was in a band intrigued me and it got to the point where I looked him up and was surprised with the results. It was so weird to be talking to a guy that was in a band and for a while I didn’t think it was true. But by how much he wanted me to come to Arizona to see him convinced me that he was real.
After standing in the middle of the kitchen for a while, I walked back to the computer desk and sat down. His email stared me in the face and I clicked on the reply button. My fingers sat on top of the keys. I breathed slowly, thinking of what I would say.
To: Kennedy <ktrotbrock@gmail.com>
From: Me
Re:
I sat there for a while, trying to figure out what to write. Instead, I minimized the window and went to buy a plane ticket. It didn’t take that long to purchase one and I printed out my copy, folding it and setting it aside on the desk. I went back to the new email and typed quickly as I thought.
The watermelon kind are alright. I once ate a whole bag of them, but they don’t really do anything for me.
Are you excited about getting back home? I still don’t understand how you do it — how you can be away for so long. I cried within the first hour of leaving my parents’ house when I was six. It was my first day of kindergarten. Let’s just say that it was not a fun first day. Are you going to sleep for eighteen hours like you said you were? I still don’t believe that will happen.
You’re not being annoying by the way because it worked on me this time. You don’t have to beg anymore. I just bought a plane ticket and I’ll be in Arizona in a week. Better be excited, Brock. I don’t spend 300 bucks for anyone, not even Valerie.
I hope you have a fun last few days on tour and that you make the most of it!
See you soon.
- Emily
I hit the send button and logged off the computer. My nerves were taking a toll on me because this would be the first time I’d go on a plane. And I’d be visiting someone I’ve known for two years, but never met in person. My nerves should be everywhere. Splattered on the walls and flooding my room. Valerie was pretty happy about hearing the news the next morning. It almost seemed like she wanted me to go more than she let on, but it didn’t bother me. She used to complain about how I was leading Kennedy on and how I should just send him a picture so he could stop wondering. I’m not really sure why I never sent him a picture of myself. I just didn’t want to.
Valerie went to work the next morning, leaving me to sit around the apartment for the whole day. I never really did anything anymore when I was at home by myself. Sometimes I watched a bunch of movies and other times I just sat on the computer. Neither were good since Valerie was starting to call me an albino. I’ll admit that I was pretty white for someone who lived in Florida her whole life, but I’d gone out a few times to catch some sun rays. That’s what I decided to do today and mostly for the rest of the week. I didn’t want to be seen as the whitest girl in Arizona and I didn’t want to feel like a fool for not darkening my skin a little. I hung out in the park mostly, bringing a blanket with me while I rode my bike. I had a car, but the park was close enough not to waste gas. I laid in the park for a few hours, almost until Valerie got back home and would start making plans for dinner.
The rest of my week was spent enjoying my last few days in Florida. Kennedy just about freaked out in his email after I told him I was coming to Arizona. He was excited from what I read and I was happy that he was. We made plans over the next few days and the weekend and I now had someone to pick me up from the airport. It was so weird to think that, but at least I’d meet him right when I got there.
Valerie helped me pack the night of my flight. It was more like the late afternoon when she got out of work early. We finished packing my clothes inside the luggage and Valerie and I soon went downstairs to get into her car. She drove me to the airport and we said goodbye there, hugging each other until I really had to go. Before I got on the plane, I texted Kennedy, since he now had my number as of last night, and told him that I’d be there in a few hours.
After a few hours, and two years, I’d finally meet the guy that I’ve found a friend in. To be honest, Kennedy was more than a friend, but we didn’t have an online relationship. I’m not really positive that we’ve had that kind of relationship and I’m not really sure if there is one in the future, but maybe this, meeting him, will change that. Maybe he likes me as much as I like him. I really wonder what will happen when we meet. Will he be disappointed that I’m not actually fun in person? Will he not want to be around me when I get there? Will he regret even talking to me in the first place? I didn’t know what to think as the plane grew closer and closer to his home. Now that I think about it and ask myself those questions, I’m afraid of meeting him for the first time in person.