I Can Barely Feel Anything Real

Over the first week of touring, Kyle and I became closer. He was my life support, he made it bearable to be on the road with six guys and having quit drinking and smoking cold turkey. When he had to play a show, or see some fans, I would curl up on the bus and call Stefan or Rachel.

I had just gotten off the phone with Rachel. She was my aunt, but she was only two years older than me. What can I say? My uncle likes his women young.

Rachel knew everything about my life. Besides the fact that I smoked pot and was an alchie. Of course, though, she had to go and ask my parents why I went on tour with my brother, when we weren't even close. And then my parents decided to tell her the truth. You could say I felt like I let her down, but it was worse. She was disappointed in me, so of course, I was disappointed with myself. And the fact that she just hung up on me saying she never wanted to talk to me again didn’t help.

And to make things worse, Kyle wasn't there. He wouldn't be back for another two hours. I was just about ready to try and knock myself out with a few advil, when my phone started rining. I rushed over to it, hoping it was Rachel, but it was only a text.

Dolce & Stefanna :
Hey Alexa, Im coming 2 the show tmrw. Meet me behind the venue @ 9:15. luv ya.

Perfect, the boys would be busy with fans. Caleb didn't like me even talking to Stefan, let alone meeting with him.

---

"Alexa, what are you doing?" I heard the voice come from a few feet behind me.

"Oh, shit..." I heard Stefan mutter as he hid his bottle behind his back.

"KYLLLLE!" I yelled and giggled. I tripped over to his side and threw my arms around him. "You're reeeeeally prettyyy, did ya knoooww that?" I giggled some more and clumsily skipped over to the cooler Stefan and his friends had brought. I then proceded to grab a cup and fill it with ice, and turned back to Kyle.

"Would you like some, some i-iiiice?" I handed him the cup and fell to the floor laughing, banging my fist against the concrete.

"I'm guessing you're Stefan?" Kyle said and turned to Stefan.

Stefan rubbed the back of his neck and nodded, which made me laugh even harder.

"What is she on?" Kyle asked dully, and rolled his eyes when I screamed 'LIFE!' from the ground.

"Marijuana and she had a bit to drink." Stefan confessed, and I stood up and danced around.

"A little to drink? I drank three beers and you gave me some vodka too!" I grinned like an idiot and fell to the ground, where I erupted in another fit of giggles.

Kyle came over and lifted me on to his back. He shot a death glare at Stefan, which I laughed at, and then laughed harder when I saw that Kyle still had the ice in his hands.

"Want a little something to drink with your ice?" I asked him, through the small bursts of snorts.

"I think I'll pass; thanks." He said and shook his head. He then took off towards the buses, not talking to me the whole time. We passed All Time Low's bus, and Alex and Jack were standing outside, talking about something or other.

"ALEX, JACK!!!" I screamed and squirmed my way out of Kyle's arms. I ran over to them and threw my arms around Alex. Jack scrunched his nose, and Alex laughed.

"Hey there girly. What's up?" Alex asked me, and I started laughing again.

"K-Ky-Kyle's drink-k-i-ing iiice. Isn't that h-hi-hilarious?" I snorted some more and Kyle came over and picked me up again. "I guess I'm going now. Toodles!" I waved with both of my hands as Kyle turned around.

"See you tomorrow, Alexa." Jack and Alex called, and I waved again.

We finally reached the bus, and found it to be thankfully empty. Kyle deposited me on the couch and took a deep breath. He turned to face me suddenly.

"Alexa, what the fuck were you thinking? You've been doing great for the past week and a bit! You were well on your way to becoming clean. But you had to go and ruin it, just for a little fun with your little friend. I really believed you would make it.

I then proceeded to stop giggling, as there was nothing funny about the current situation. At all.

"Kyle, I-I..." I stopped talking. I what? I don't know what I was thinking. I just... I missed it. It was a comforting feeling. "You weren't there. Kyle, and I was going insane. I missed Stefan and he brought the weed and drinks, and it just looked so welcoming, and then I couldn't stop..." I started crying. Sobbing, really. Kyle's face softened and he sat down with me.

I wrapped my arms around him and he held me as I bawled on the couch for who knows how long.