Sea of Embers

No matter how hard I try to rip memories out of my mind, they stay there. Engrained into my very being. Un phased. Un moving.
My thoughts about what happened were always just above the waves, resurfacing once in a while, out of nowhere.
And in that once in while, I found myself here. Underneath the nearest cliff I could find, legs dangling, my thoughts wavering. Lingering.

I wonder how it would feel to jump from here.

To end this.

To die.

The waves beneath me ripple and roar, inviting me. I wonder how it would feel to be swallowed up by them. How it would feel for the cool water to collide against my skin, and choke me. How it would feel to drown.
I then find myself standing up, my toes lining up with the edge, my heart lining up with the end.
I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while. I don’t want to live anymore.
What was there to live for?

Loneliness and emptiness hangs in the air as I make my decision.

Please god. Forgive me. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Please god. Please.

And I jump.

My frail body cuts through the air, fast, and then I crash into the water. It feels like how I imagined it, but the water is cold and raw, and I can already start to feel my skin numbing.
I can’t think and I can’t feel and a vortex of nothingness suffocates me.

I am void.
I am nothing.

It doesn’t take long before the lack of oxygen starts to claw at my lungs. They are slowly starting to ignite and suddenly, they are on fire. My lungs are burning.
Dazedness starts to come over me and immediately my frozen hands fly up to my face, and I begin to pray hard for forgiveness. I know what I have done.

My mind eventually begins to slip into unconsciousness when I feel something latch on to my hand, hard.