Collateral Damage

I could feel myself mentally breaking apart, piece by piece, as I ran down the hall in search of the nearest place I could drowned in feeling sorry for myself. The past week had been so hard and I didn't even know where to put the blame anymore.

Had it been the way Ashton watched Dalton and I kiss in the same doorway he and I had ran in and out of as kids for so many years? Maybe it was standing up for Cal and Mikey in front of all of my friends. Or was it sitting on the couch watching a movie and acting like we were back to normal for once? Maybe it was seeing me in the state I was in on Wednesday... letting him see me... so weak after over three years of claiming I didn't need him and I was perfectly fine.

"Lottie, wait!" An all too familiar voice called and I wiped my eyes delicately, slowing to a stop. My ankles ached in the expensive, black lace shoes. His long fingers encompassed my wrist, pulling hard enough to turn me around. "Are you okay?" I nodded, more tears threatening to spill over. "What happened...?" He started to move his other hand towards my cheeks to wipe away the tears.

I quickly lashed a manicured hand out, slapping his away while spitting a harsh, "Don't touch me."

We stood there in silence for a long time, neither making eye contact. A sigh left his lips and I sniffed, wiping the tears from my eyes with the wrist he wasn't holding. "You've changed," his grasp loosened before his hand fell away completely. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to give him a loud, mocking laugh right in his face, but I was trying to hold myself together.

"I've changed?" A fire was growing in my chest, fueled by the anger he had made me bury time and time again. He nodded, hazel-brown eyes meeting mine defiantly. I dropped my gaze from his quickly, growing cold. "No, you changed me..."

"I'm sorry, had I known it would lead to this-"

"This amount of fuckery?" A dark laugh finally escaped my lips. "The fact that I can't be content in anything I do, because of you? What then? You'd take it all back? You obviously didn't like me enough then to save me from the heartbreak, so you can't say you regret it now!" Tears were quickly carving their way down my cheeks. In one swift movement, his arm encircled my waist and pulled my hips into his, his lips crashing down on top of mine. It was a hard, possibly bruising, kiss that flooded me with a warmth I couldn't describe.

We took two steps back, my back against the outer wall of the nurse's office. We moved our lips hungrily against one another, his long fingers digging into my side. It was a gentle but strong hold, not enough to bruise but enough to say 'you're safe' and 'i've got you now' and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He started his descent from my lips to my neck, though I didn't register the fact he was soon working in the same spot incessantly, the small blood vessels bursting and flooding the surface of my skin.

With a gasp, my eyelids fluttering, I curled his shirt in my fingers. He pushed one leg against me, hands squeezing their way down my hips as I fought to keep my eyes open. "Ash-" I was cut off by a gasp from my own swollen lips as his palm had moved from my hips to my chest. Rather than pushing him off, my arms held him closer. "Ashton, w-we can't," I managed and I felt his mouth curl up in a smile, soon blowing cool air across the darkening mark.

"When I saw you walk in," his voice was gruff and held a hint of something I couldn't place, "I was so mad... You just looked so... distraught... and he just stood there laughing with his friends. He wasn't touching you, wasn't comforting you when you had the concern of him thinking you were the prettiest girl in the room. He was already drunk and he didn't even enjoy his night with you. I would ha-"

"You would have what, Ashton?" I pushed him away finally, feeling cold again but resisting the urge to pull him back. "You made your choice already," I was trying to be strong. I was trying so hard, but those hazel eyes made it so damn difficult.

"I wouldn't have let alcohol inhibit my night with you, first of all." He took a step towards me again, not as close as before, but close enough for the smell of spearmint to dance across my cheeks as he spoke. "I would tell you, every time you scrunched up your brow, that I thought you were the most beautiful in the room." His hand found my hip, one finger lifting my chin. "I would have taken you back home and wrapped you up in a blanket, worried everyone would want you in the same way I do if they even got a second to peek at you."

I didn't know what came over me, but with the bravest voice I could muster, which was only a breathy and small sigh of air, I questioned, "And what way is that?" I didn't know if, in that moment, it had been the right or wrong question to ask, but he grasped my face in his hands and crashed his lips down onto mine once again, my nails threading through his curls. He pulled away too soon, forehead against mine. His thumbs were moving against my cheeks, ridding them of any tears that hadn't been ruthlessly wiped off by my own angry hand.

"Can I take you home tonight, Lottie? It's safer that way. I think you've had a little too much to drink and I'm just going to take you home myself, since I found you in the bathroom once more, and he was too drunk to function, yeah?" I hadn't had an ounce of alcohol, and I was more than capable of driving Dalton's truck, but as my heart swelled, I nodded. I wasn't registering the rights and wrongs of the situation as his long hand wrapped around mine and he walked me to his car.

Mom and Dad had left for the casino soon after we left for homecoming, so as I unlocked my front door with shaky fingers and Ashton's hands dancing across my exposed thigh, I didn't care about how loud we were panting, the cool air fogging our breath. I pushed the door and Ashton practically lifted me through the door, his arm around my waist as he shut and locked it behind us.

As soon as I turned around, his lips found mine and he lifted me with ease, my legs locked around his waist securely before he began his ascent up the mahogany stairs. He pushed the rose-colored door open, locking it behind us as well, and let me fall back against the navy blue duvet and rose sheets. As he leaned over me, I was working the buttons of his shirt, tie loosened enough for him to squeeze from the fabric. He pulled on the bottom of my dress while I fumbled with his belt, his pants dropping right before I lifted my arms to rid myself of the tight dress.

Ashton hooked his arm around my waist, lifting me back on the bed and leaning over me. As he pressed kisses across my collar bone, each left behind a burn of desire but the absence of regret. After he had snaked his arms around my back to remove the strapless bra, he hooked his long thumbs into the band of the last piece of clothing I had on. I soon lost those too, however.

He leaned back, eyes dancing over me, and I had the sudden urge to cover my barely-there stomach. He caught my arms in his hands, pushing them back away. His hazel eyes had never held disgust towards me, like others I had seen in my middle school years, and they didn't now either. His swollen lips were parted, eyes skimming every freckle, scar and almost invisible stretch mark, and he finally closed his eyes, letting out a sigh.

"What?" I croaked. His eyes, half-lidded, met mine and he just smiled.

"Nothing, Lottie," he cooed and my fingers made their way through his hair, pulling him back down to me.