Burn

I woke up disoriented but feeling pretty level-headed in the morning. I stretched, opening my eyes to look over to see John's spot empty. I rolled over on my side, raking my hair out of my face to see him sitting on the window seat, scrawling words into a tattered notebook.

"Hey." I croaked, making him smile. "Sleep good?" he asked and I nodded. My face went ablaze instantly as I thought about last night before we went to sleep, and I pulled the covers over my head in an attempt to hide my cheeks. I was starting to think my life was just one big blush.

He was quiet for a few moments, and I heard his pen move across the paper as he wrote more things down. "So I was thinking maybe we could shoot an acoustic video for the YouTube channel." he said.

I breathed out a sigh before removing the covers from my face. He seemed not to have noticed my red cheeks just moments before, so I was thankful like that. Maybe he didn't even remember last night.

"Can we do it early? I have some errands to run today." I said, getting up and stretching once more before walking over to my side of the room.

"Sure." he replied, putting his pen and notebook aside and staring blankly out the window. Was I the only one feeling the tension in the air? Or was I over-analyzing everything too much?

"How long have you been awake?" I asked.

He smirked slightly before replying, "Long enough to know that you talk in your sleep."

"No!" I exclaimed in horror. "What did I say--no, never mind. I don't even want to know."

He laughed at me, shaking his head. "It was all nonsense. Don't worry."

"Good." I replied, picking my phone off the dresser and unlocking it. I had no messages from anyone, just a few updates from Twitter and Instagram. I took that as a good sign and reminded myself to call Rose later. I picked out my last outfit I'd packed and my toiletries bag and headed for the shower.



After everyone had gotten dressed, we met downstairs in the kitchen to discuss what we were going to do for the video.

"I think we should do "Don't Give Up On 'Us' acoustic." John said as he finished off a bowl of cereal from his place at the table.

"Oooo please!" I exclaimed, smiling brightly. "That was my favorite off of Pioneer. Well, that one and My Heroine. Oh--and While Listening to Rock and Roll." John laughed, looking at me with an amused expression on his face.

"Look at our number one fan--always supporting." Garrett joked. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"We can do that one, but only if Viola does some of those sweet dance moves like she did last night in the background." Kennedy laughed, imitating me gyrating around the kitchen. Pat swung his hair around and John barked again, encouraging them. I hid my face in my hand as my cheeks heated up, and everyone laughed.

"I've changed my mind, Tim can shoot the video for your guys." I said, crossing my arms.

"Hey, stop before we lose our documentary person." Jared said, trying to stop laughing but failing.

I began packing up my things for the video, since they wanted to shoot it outside, and opened the sliding glass doors. The weather was perfect--it was nice outside, and only a little chilly when the wind blew every once in a while.

Tim followed me outside, bringing a digital sound board with a bunch of different buttons on it and a set of speakers. "What's that for?" I asked.

"It makes beats--it's so that they can stay on time when they play. And it just makes it sound cooler in general." he grinned.

The rest of them joined us outside with their instruments--except for Pat, who just sat in a chair quietly since he wasn't needed for this acoustic. After practicing a few parts to make sure they were right, John nodded to me that they were ready to begin recording. I started, aiming the camera at Tim, who began making the beat on the sound board.

"One--two, one, two, three, four." John counted them in and the boys began playing. I focused on Jared's guitar for the intro, slowing moving to John's face as he sang.

I am weakness

I am greatness

I'm anything you want me to be

I am wasted,

And I'll make this

The anthem for a dying breed

I smiled from behind the camera as I watched him sing. He looked extremely handsome in his layered collared shirt and dark green sweater today. I was so focused on him, I almost forgot to switch angles, and quickly moved on to filming Garrett playing bass and Kennedy singing back-up.

Take a look inside these eyes

Oh, let's get carried away

Don't you dare,

Don't you ever give up

Don't you ever give up, oh, oh, oh

Don't you dare

Don't you ever give up on us, my dear

Once they finished the last notes of the song, I stopped the recording and everyone smiled. "That's a rap." Tim said, grabbing the sound board and wrapping its wired up. Garrett, Jared and Kennedy took their guitars inside, and John and Pat helped me pack all the recording equipment back into my bag.

"You can give Garrett your SD card and he'll edit it all for YouTube. He's good at that kind of stuff." Pat said. I nodded, taking it out of my camera and walking inside to set it on the kitchen counter. I went upstairs to gather my things to take home and wash. I began stuffing things in bags and turned around as I head John enter the room. He went and flopped on his bed, laying on his stomach and supporting his head with his hands as he watched me pack.

"So what are you gonna do today?"

"I'm gonna go home, wash some clothes, get lunch with Callie and Rose hopefully, and check in with Mr. Clancy. Probably in that order." I said, grinning.

"That sounds fun." he commented. "I've never seen your house before."

"Well technically it's an apartment."

"House--apartment, whatever." he said laughing. "I want to see it someday."

I looked up at him, smiling. "Well I'll definitely have to show you sometime soon."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He seemed satisfied with that. He got off the bed, grabbing my beanie from his nightstand and walking over to hand it to me. "Don't forget this."

"Thanks." I stuffed it in, zipping it up and patting the top lightly.

"Are you coming back?" he asked, looking down at me hopefully. I smiled playfully. "Nope." I replied, popping the 'p'.

He smirked and retorted jokingly, "Hey, I restrained from knocking your boyfriend's lights out last night. The least you can do is come back and let me see your face before I go to sleep."

I furrowed my brow, concentrating on the first part. "He's not my boyfriend." I replied sternly, and it shocked me. That was the first time I'd ever admitted that out loud.

"Does he know that?" John asked quietly, staring into my eyes with such intensity that I looked away. I felt my stomach bubbling up with anxiety and I suddenly needed to leave, so I grabbed my suitcase, hoisting it up and grabbing my purse and other bag off the air mattress. I teetered to the door, trying to leave without needing John's help but I couldn't grab the door handle because both of my hands were full. I sighed, turning around to look at him impatiently. He was watching me with an amused expression on his face and that ever-present smirk plastered on his lips.

"Need help?" he asked, coming over and grabbing my suitcase and opening the door for me. "Thanks." I replied grudgingly. He walked me out to my car, putting my suitcase in the trunk before coming over to where I was standing by the driver door.

"So I'll see you tonight?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I smirked, trying to play it cool even though my heart was pounding in my chest. "Are you missing me already, O'Callaghan?"

He reached out, cupping my face with his hand and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. My breath hitched in my throat from the contact, and I felt my face heat up instantly, making him smile. I hated the way he thought he knew me so well.

"Maybe, Viola Grey." he said softly, trailing his fingertips down my face and across my jawline. Goosebumps erupted on my scalp and traveled down the side of my neck, making me jump away from his touch a little. He opened the car door silently, allowing me to get inside.

"Stop doing that." I demanded, narrowing my eyes at him. I hated how he always seemed to leave me flustered, while he was all cool, calm, and collected. He was slowly but surely starting to realize the effect he had on me.

"Stop doing what?" he smiled playfully, shutting the door softly behind me and waving at me from the outside. I backed out the driveway, still giving him the stink eye until I was on the road.



I was relatively excited to be back in my own headquarters after what seemed like forever since I'd been home. I walked in, taking in a deep breath and enjoying the girlish scents of my house after living in a boy infested place for a few days. Not that The Maine smelled bad--they just didn't smell florally like my candles and air fresheners I loved so much.

"Maybe I can take a few back." I murmured to myself as I dragged my suitcase over to the washing machine. I separated my clothes into piles and dumped the first load in and started it. Then I plopped in a kitchen chair and pulled out my phone to FaceTime Rose.

She picked up on the second ring. "Hey!"

"Hey." I replied, smiling. "Where are you?"

"I am currently riding with Callie--we just went to Barnes and Noble." she rolled her eyes. Rose didn't read anything other than the backs of her hair products and her horoscope that came to her phone everyday.

"Well can you guys come over? We can order pizza for lunch." I suggested.

Callie answered, and Rose turned her phone screen towards her. "I'm on the way as we speak, Viola!"

"See you guys in a little bit."

I hung up, opening Twitter to scroll on it for a few moments before I started my other task for the day--calling Mr. Clancy. John was a few tweets from the top, catching my eye.

@johnmaine: So listen to your friends and leave me alone.

I stared at it for a few moments before shaking my head and exited off the app. I needed to not think about him for a few hours but now that I had seen him tweet, my brain was already whirling. I longed to vent to my best friends about what was going on in my head.

I clicked on Jessica's desk number instead of Mr. Clancy's office number, in case I was interrupting any important meetings or work he was doing. She answered quickly, rattling off her annoyingly perky greeting Mr. Clancy insisted she do.

"Jessica? It's Viola!"

"Oh my god, Viola!" she exclaimed, her voice dropping to its normal tone. "How are you?"

"I'm good." I smiled. "I was actually wondering it I could speak to Mr. Clancy?"

"Ooo, you just missed him. He went out to a business lunch...is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, not really. I just wanted to let him know how things were going on my end. Let him know I'm still doing work." I laughed.

"How are things going?"

I groaned happily. "They are great. This is like the ultimate dream."

"I bet it is." she laughed. "How's that handsome front-man of theirs?"

I paused, wondering how much I should tell her. "He's um--he's well, you know. Great." I stuttered out. I could just see her eyebrows shooting up on her forehead in my mind. I face-palmed myself in disgust.

"That didn't sound very confident." she joked, laughing hesitantly.

"I mean--there's just so much going on right now--" I was interrupted by a few knocks at the door. "Listen, I have to go--Rose and Callie are here."

"Okay, I'll let Mr. Clancy know you called, and I'll tell him how things are going!" she said before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone. I breathed out a sigh of relief as I went over to open the door. What was wrong with me?

Rose came barging through with a pizza box in hand and a big smile plastered on her face. Her long, blonde ponytail swung back and forth as she walked, reminding me of what she used to look like in high school. Callie came in after her, holding a plastic bag with some sodas in them and grinning.

We all sat down at my table, waiting until everyone was munching on a slice of pizza before we began the conversation.

"What happened last night after we left?" Rose asked. "Was it awkward or anything?"

"Not really." I said, putting my slice down and taking a sip of my drink. "The band kind of dispersed and went to bed since the mood was killed. I went upstairs and tried to apologize to John for Caleb's behavior."

"He was such a total dick last night. I've never seen him act like that before." Rose shook her head.

"Well, he's never had a reason to be that angry before." Callie defended. "Don't you think you would act the same way?"

"Why would he be mad?" I questioned.

Rose gave me a 'duh' look. "Um, because John barked at you?"

"He was joking!"

Callie hmph-ed. "You didn't see the way he was looking at you last night. That was not a joke."

"I think I was too drunk to see that." Rose giggled.

I shook my head, picking up another slice out of the box. "Caleb was over-reacting. I don't care how mad John made him--you don't get invited into someone's house and then try to punch them in the face. What kind of manners are those?"

They both shrugged and we ate in silence for a moment again. I was a little annoyed that my friends were trying to defend Caleb's actions. While I thought they would agree with me, they seemed to be set on proving he had a reason for blowing up.

"You said you went upstairs to apologize to John--how did that go?"

"He was a cool and calm as he always is. It didn't even seem to affect him that much." I said and Rose raised her eyebrows. "Wow, that's impressive. I expected him to be punching walls or something. He seems like one of those scary-calm types, you know?"

Callie nodded before a look of excitement flashed across her features. "Oh! I forgot to tell you guys! Alex and I have been talking lately and he suggested that maybe we start looking for apartments together. Nothing serious, but he said that he would like for us to live together--and I'm all for it, of course."

Rose and I looked at each other, stunned. "Whoa--that's great, Callie!"

She beamed. "I know. It's really sudden but I can't wait. We're gonna start next week."

As she and Callie started discussing different apartment options, my mind drifted to a conversation Caleb and I had a few years ago about living together. We were having our nightly phone call before bed, and Caleb was rambling on about how his roommate was moving out to live in an off-campus apartment with his girlfriend. I wasn't really listening--I was too busy trying to fold and put away a load of laundry I'd finished--until he said something that caught my attention.

"--You know, Vi, we could totally find something together after we graduate."

"W-what?" I stammered. "Caleb, that's 2 years from now. A lot could change."

"I know." he said, but his mind was already set. "But why wouldn't we make it? We've made it work for this long--it could happen!"

I shook my head. "I mean--I guess it could."

"I'd love to wake up next to you every day." He wasn't even in the room--he was 60 miles away at a different campus, in a different dorm--and yet, my face still heated up as though he was sitting on my bed, talking to me in person.

"We could make breakfast, and then spend the whole day just chilling and watching stuff on Netflix. God, it would be awesome, don't you think?"

The thought of living together back then gave me an excited feeling, whereas now, it made me shudder. I couldn't think of living with present-day Caleb because he just wasn't the same. He used to warm and inviting, and always knew how to make me laugh. Here lately, he made me feel bad more than any other person had in my entire life.

My mind went to last night when I was apologizing to John and crying--once again--over Caleb. The way he held my face and tucked my hair behind my ears, the way he said Viola Grey in that soft tone, the way he smirked, his freckled, his eyelashes--Oh god.

John made me laugh. He watched TV with me. We hung out all day. We basically lived together. It was almost as if we--

"Oh god, I slept with John last night, ya'll." The confession bubbled out of my throat like word vomit--without warning. Callie froze mid-sentence and Rose choked on her soda, hacking loudly as she got up from the table to get some air.

"You slept with him?" Callie asked breathlessly. I shook my head vigorously, realizing my poor choice of words. "Not literally slept with him, but beside him. In his bed."

Rose caught her breath, stroking her ponytail lovingly as she got herself together. Her expression was full of relief. "Jesus. Choose your words carefully next time, yeah?"

"Sorry."

"How exactly did that happen?"

I looked down, ignoring Rose's intense stare. "Uh--I just sort of, laid down beside him. And then I never went back to my own bed."

Callie's eyebrows shot up on her forehead approvingly. "When did you get so brave, Vi?" I shrugged, smiling shyly. "I'm not."

"Wait, so what does all this mean?"

Rose asked the question I'd been trying to answer in my head all day. It meant nothing, but something at the same time. I honestly had no idea--so that's what I told her.

"Viola please be careful. It sounds like you're about to tread into dangerous waters right now." Callie said softly, but her voice was full of concern. She and Rose exchanged nervous glances, which I immediately caught on to.

"What?"

They looked at me blankly, as if nothing happened. "I saw that." I insisted. "What?"

"Last night, on the boys car ride home, Alex and Joel told us that--" she trailed off and Rose had to finish the sentence for her.

"Caleb told them he loves you, Viola."

"W-what?" I stammered, pushing my chair back and standing up. "No. No--that's impossible. That's not true. He's lying."

Callie looked at me sympathetically and it only made me feel worse. Caleb couldn't love me. He couldn't.

"They said it could have been the alcohol talking." Rose warned, eyeing my panicked expression. "But he still said it."

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. It didn't make sense. He couldn't do this right now. I was finally getting my bearings and finding out ways to stand up to him and his ways. He couldn't take that away from me with drunken words. Not now.

"I--I have to go get packed. I'm going back to The Maine house tonight." I said quickly, before walking into my bedroom. I packed quietly for a few moments, pulling out shirts and pants and laying them on my bed as outfits before folding them neatly into my suitcase. Callie and Rose appeared a few minutes later, standing on either side of my door frame and watching me pack.

"So I know that inviting the boys over again would be a complete disaster--" Rose said, and I could hear the smile in her voice without looking up. "--but unlike Callie here, I'm single. And completely willing and ready to mingle."

Callie laughed, elbowing Rose in the ribs. "Don't take her back around those guys. You should have heard her on the ride home."

I knew that they were trying to light the mood, but my stomach was so upset at the moment that I couldn't even form words to say. I gave them a small, weak smile as they bantered about which guy from The Maine seemed most into her. John wasn't mentioned once.



It seemed like an extremely long drive back to the studio that night, but it was probably just the anticipation of being back. I was getting attached to being around people 24/7--so much that even a few hours at home seemed wrong.

I had just cut off the car when the front door opened and Pat and Garret bounded down the stairs towards me. I broke out into a huge grin that matched theirs. "Hey guys." I said warmly as they enveloped me in hugs. "I was only gone for a few hours."

"So?" Pat said, grabbing a bag out of the backseat. "That doesn't mean we didn't miss you being here."

"We had to eat take-out tonight." Garrett said glumly, pouting. I laughed. "Don't worry, I had fast-food, too. Pizza."

I followed them to the house and opened the door for them since they'd insisted they could carry everything without my help. I rolled my eyes as I watched them waddle up the stairs to John's room. Kennedy, Jared and Tim were in the living room, watching an action movie with the lights out.

"Yeah!" Jared yelled as someone was punched in the face and gunshots fired. "That's what I'm fucking talking about!"

They all greeted me as they saw me come in, and I shed my jack and shoes in the den. "Hey. Where's John?" I asked, noticing he was missing from the room.

"I think he's downstairs." Kennedy turned around on the couch to face me. "He said he got an idea for something and wanted to record it before he forgot."

I nodded, opening the door to the basement and walking down the steps quietly. I could hear the soft notes of a piano being played and John singing, but I couldn't make out any words until I actually reached the bottom.

His back was turned to me, and he was sitting at a keyboard behind the glass wall in the recording studio. Headphones were on his ears and he was signing into a mic hooked up to the piano. I watched from behind the glass, listening to him as he played and sang.

I don't wanna hurt you anymore

Don't waste your tears on me now, pretty girl

When I hate myself for letting you go

You can be the one to say I told you so

As if a plane crash were timely

There's no good time for bad news

These four words don't come easy

I don't love you

The words were so raw and full of emotion that it was awkward to listen to. I felt like I was intruding on his personal thoughts but at the same time I was so mesmerized by him I couldn't move. How could someone so happy write such sad tunes?

@ViolaLion only likes the sad songs.

The tweet flashed through my head suddenly. This wasn't just a sad song, it was a heartbreaking, gut-wrenching song. I wanted to keep listening but I knew I shouldn't. I crept back upstairs before he finished, changing clothes and crawling into his bed. I breathed in the scent of John--soap and mint and just overall cleanliness.

One more night couldn't hurt, right?