Midnight

“Where have you been?” Louis didn't hesitate to ask as he followed Harry into the building.

“Away.”

“You don't say!”

Harry rolled his eyes as he waited for the elevator to his apartment.

“You know, I know you get scared when you really like someone but Londyn doesn't deserve how shitty you've been.”

Harry immediately turned his head to look at the boy.

“So what? You disappear for several days, don't speak to her, some model post pictures of you two out and you expect her not to be upset about any of it?”

The elevator door open and Louis was on it before Harry could even force himself to move.

“So I'll ask again, where were you?”

Harry hated how Louis could be. All calm and upfront about things. It somehow made you feel bad and made you tell him everything he wanted to know.

“I was in Paris. Anything else?”

“For that girl?”

“No, not for a bloody girl. I happened to just run into her there.”

“Then why were you there?”

“Why do I feel like I'm on trial?! Leave me alone.” He grumbled hoping he would get to his floor any second now.

“I just figured that after all the shit you've done to other girls, I thought Londyn was different. That's all. Apparently not.”

Before Harry could speak the elevator opened and he brushed passed Louis to his door.

“So did you show her the picture of me and that girl?” Harry asked once he got his door unlocked and pushed it open.

“No, she actually showed me.”

Harry frowned as he pulled off his jacket, his back still to Louis.

“I mean, I thought you two were friends not dating.”

“We are. Were. I don't know.” He grumbled, running his hand through his hair as he fell on the couch. He got away to clear his mind. To figure out exactly what he was feeling, and yet all he got out of the trip was unfinished songs and more to think about.

“Aren't we going into the studio tomorrow?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Yeah…”

“Good. I wrote a good bit while I was gone.”

Louis stood there staring at his friend who was fiddling with the end of his long sleeve shirt. Sometimes Harry was hard to read. Even after all these years it still frustrated him.

“She does like you, you know?”

Harry scoffed, “That’s not what she said the last time we spoke.”

Louis eyed the boy waiting for him to continue, “I kissed her and the next morning before I could even bloody speak she told me whatever we did wasn't a good idea. Now forgive me for thinking that meant she didn't want anything with me like that.”

“Did you ever think she's just scared?”

“Of what exactly? Me?”

“Of being in a relationship. Of ruining what you two have. Of your past.”

Harry looked up at the boy, his hair falling into his face and before he could speak Louis continued, “And yet, so are you…”

Harry didn't bother to speak because he knew Louis was right. Of course he would never admit that. Louis shrugged before patting Harry on the shoulder, “See you tomorrow, mate.”

Harry nodded and once Louis closed the door he let out a sigh. The truth was, no matter how far away he went, he realized he wouldn't be able to block out thoughts of Londyn. He honestly just missed her. He groaned at how he was acting before he slid out of the window and made his way down to hers. He was just about to knock when he saw her head to the door. He watched intently as she opened it and what startled him the most was seeing Niall on the other end holding a pizza in one hand and what looked like beer in the other. Did everyone honestly think he felt nothing for her?! Some friends they were.

He knew if looks could kill Niall would be dead at the moment but he couldn't look away as she hugged him obviously thanking him. Harry rolled his eyes before moving from the window and sitting against the brick. What was he doing? Really he had no idea. Then again he was never good at this whole ‘feelings’ thing. He ran his hand down his face before climbing back up the stairs. All he knew was he couldn't just let whatever was happening below him, happen. So he gathered up the only courage he had left and made a straight line for the elevator. Once he got to her door the pep talk he had given himself before hand seemed to have worked and he instantly knocked on the door.

Within a few seconds the door opened and he was face to face with Londyn whose smile began to fade as soon as who he was registered in her head.

“Can we talk?” He asked his courage now dwindling away and he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Nope.”

He was a bit taken aback by her words seeing as he had never been on the receiving end of this version of her.

“But…”

“Harry, I'll talk to you when I'm ready since obviously you can decide when you talk to me.”

“It isn't like that…”

The door slammed in his face and fear immediately rushed in. This wasn't his intention despite what anyone thought. He just didn't process feelings like everyone else and getting away was the only thing that made sense to him. He cursed himself as he waited on the elevator and once in he pressed for the ground floor. He was just going to take a walk. He couldn't stay cooped inside. He would lose his mind.

The night was cold and he left his jacket inside but he didn't seem to mind. He felt a bit numb anyways. He walked around aimlessly for what felt like hours until he realized he was not far from Liam’s place. Good thing too because the rain started to come in and he couldn't help but laugh at his luck or because it was like Mother Nature knew exactly how he was feeling. He didn't bother to pick up the pace as the rain began to fall quickly. He enjoyed the way it made him feel. Like it would wash away all the bad things going on in his life. Once he made it to Liam’s he knocked a few times and finally Liam opened up.

“Bloody hell Harry, are you nuts?!” He immediately yelled pulling the boy in. It was then and only then that he realized how cold he in fact was.

“It's freezing and raining are you trying to die?!” He yelled as he threw towels at the boy not caring that Harry was now soaking the floor beneath him.

“I went for a walk. It wasn't raining then.” He stated, his teeth now chattering.

Liam cursed the boy as he went to get dry clothes for him. While Harry changed Liam started a fire in order to dry him off quicker.

Harry didn't argue as he sat in the floor directly in front of the fireplace, soaking in the warmth that filled his numb body as he held the blanket wrapped around him tightly.

“She hates me Liam. She bloody hates me.” He finally got out not daring to look at him.

“And I shouldn't care you know? I should just be able to get over it. Like I always do.” He added staring into the blaze before him, “I mean, we were just friends. She really has no right to be mad at me.”

“So if she did you that way you wouldn't be mad?” Liam asked and Harry didn't bother to respond. He was of course right. He would be mad.

“And Niall is over at her place acting like he's her best friend.”

“He felt bad for her and Sophia has been out of town so she’s literally had no one.”

The silence filled the room, the crackling of the fire bringing a calming factor to his over thinking mind and he shut his eyes trying to stay in that moment for a while.

“I'm in love with her.” He finally whispered out and Liam sighed, “I know, Harry. I know.”

The next morning Harry woke up on Liam’s couch. He looked around the quiet space, the fire was officially out and the smell of eggs filled his nose.

He sat up slowly, feeling like he would if he was hung over yet he hadn't even had a sip of anything since he left Paris. Have feelings sucked. He didn't know why people chose to feel anything at all.

“Good morning.”

He looked up a bit taken off guard to see Sophia of all people.

“When did you get back?” He got out, his voice more raspy than normal.

“This morning. Well, two hours ago.”

“And Liam is?”

“He ran out to get some coffee. We were out.”

Harry nodded trying to fix his messy hair.

“Are you going to yell at me?” He decided to ask not sure how he should be acting around her.

“Do you want me to?”

“At this point, who knows.” He mumbled relaxing against the couch, trying to wake up a bit more.

“What do you want Harry? And I don't mean what do you think people want you to want, what do you, Harry Styles, want?”

“From what?”

“Everything. Life. Love. Friendship. Everything.”

Harry looked over at her as she leaned against the wall to the kitchen. He couldn't recall the last time someone asked him that and to be honest it had been a long time since he even thought about it. After several minutes had passed he finally spoke to the patiently waiting girl.

“I want to make music with my best friends, I want my family to be happy…”

“That's it?”

His eyes grew serious as he met hers, “You know the rest.”

“Say it.”

“No.”

“That's your problem, you know? You're afraid to be vulnerable. Even to me, who you have zero love interest in, you're afraid to appear that way. It's time to end that. That's why you are in the situation you're in. If you just let her see all of you, this wouldn't be happening.”

“She knows a lot about me.” Harry defended. He had opened up to her about several things so that had to count for something.

“I know she does, but even when you say you show someone a lot about you, there's still so much you hide. You can't be closed off with someone you say you love, Harry. Especially when that person has opened up and been vulnerable to you. It's not fair. It's all or nothing and that’s scary but that's the way it had to be when it comes to love. And what are you so scared of anyways? She clearly knows a lot of shitty things about you and yet she still stuck around.”

“I was going to tell her how I felt but she told me nothing could happen so why am I getting this talk?” He asked seriously and she sighed, “Would you have stuck around it she said she wanted to be with you? If she said she loved you?”

Harry frowned knowing damn well he couldn't say yes to any of that. He wanted to say yes but his record of dating showed otherwise but it wasn't just a girl, it was Londyn. His Londyn.

“She's different.” He defended and Sophia scoffed, “Yeah, and you still left.”

“I'm going to prove it to everyone.”

“Prove what?”

“That I can do it. That I can be with someone. I love her. That much I can say is true and I mean, that should be enough.”

“I really hope so, Harry. I really hope…”

Harry really hoped it was as well.