My Demons

"Morning, did you have a good night?" my dad asked when I walked into the kitchen.

Instantly my face lit up as I remembered everything that had happened with Dawson, "Yeah, actually. I don't remember all that much, but I met a guy," I told him.

My dad and I were extremely close and pretty much always had been. My mother and brother had always been a team, and my dad and I were always on the opposing side. My parents were your classic tale of opposites attracting, and then fucking everything up and divorcing, only to come out with two children who were nothing alike. Sure, my dad and I fought occasionally, but nothing major ever happened and we always quickly made up.

"Okay, I don't wanna hear about it," he said, "Are you hungry?"

I was a little disappointed that I couldn't tell him about Dawson, because all I wanted to do was talk and talk and talk about him, but instead I answered, "Yeah, I could eat. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, it's Saturday. Why don't we go to the market?" he suggested, and I agreed.

I loved going to the market, but I was hardly ever awake before it closed, which was usually around noon. Today, however, I had woken up early without the use of an alarm clock or anything. The market was right in the middle of downtown, and was already bustling with people when we got there around 10. As we walked toward the entrance, I noticed how sunny and warm it was outside and smiled, soaking up the sun. There was a man playing some sort of trumpet nearby; I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but it was delightful to the ears. This was going to be a good day, I decided.

Inside there were tons of different food stands, from all sorts of different cultures.

"What did you want?" my dad asked me.

I looked around, "I'm not really sure yet, let's walk around,"

He nodded and began to lead the way through the maze of people. I checked every place out as we walked by, but it was hard to decide on just one; everything looked so damn good. There wasn't just food, either, there was also jewelry, soap, clothing and probably more that I didn't notice.

"So, did you decide?" he asked again as we came back around to where we started.

"Yeah, I think I want some Chinese food and a smoothie from that smoothie place," I said, pointing toward the Chinese food stand right at the entrance. Admittedly, I had seen it when we first walked in and had already kind of had it in my head, but I had always been an indecisive person, "What are you gonna get?" I asked.

"Me? I'm getting some sausages," he said, and I really should have known; he always got the same thing.

We both grabbed the food we wanted and headed outside to find a place to sit. There were some picnic tables, and one was actually empty for once, so we sat there. As I munched on my food, I started thinking about the previous night and craving more of Dawson. I had to see him again; I was going to see him again.

The first thing I did when we got home from the market was search Dawson up on Facebook and send him a friend request, then after that I spent most of the day relaxing in bed. I still felt pretty hungover, so I just kept drinking water and didn't really move.

Around supper time, my dad informed me he would be leaving to go to a hockey game with his lady friend, giving me the apartment to myself. I decided to text Rhiannon and see what she was up to. She said she had no plans, so I asked her if she wanted to come over and drink, to which she agreed. Unfortunately, we had to walk to the liquor store, but it was only about a ten minute walk. Rhiannon wasn't too fond of beer, which was my usual drink of choice, so I bought some wine for her and some beer for myself.

"So, what did you want to do tonight?" I asked her when we got back to my place while cracking open the bottle of wine.

She shrugged, "It doesn't matter, dude. We could just chill here if you want, or I could see what Dawson's doing. There's usually always a party going on at his place,"

I couldn't help but do a little dance on the inside; that was exactly what I wanted to hear, "Well, it might get boring here just the two of us," I replied.

"Yeah, I'll text him,"

I had never been one to talk about my crushes with Rhiannon, instead preferring to just listen. It wasn't that I thought she would judge me or anything, I just wasn't entirely comfortable sharing my feelings with her. In fact, I was generally only comfortable sharing my feelings with one person out of everyone I knew, which was my best friend Robyn. Sadly, she lived an hour outside of the city, so we didn't get to see each other very often.

"Yeah, he said we could come over whenever," Rhiannon told me, snapping me out my thoughts.

"Sweet, we could head over in an hour or so," I said, "After we finish the wine or whatever,"

She nodded, and we started to drink. As per usual, she started telling me all about Zak and what was going on with their relationship. They were still sleeping with each other, and texting every day, but whenever she brought up feelings he was quick to change the subject and avoid the question. It seemed to me that he wasn't interested in anything more than friends with benefits, but I was wrong sometimes. Guys could be confusing, as could girls, though I thought I had them pretty much figured out. In my opinion, if a guy wanted you, he would have you, plain and simple.

By the time the bottle ran out, we were both feeling pretty good. Rhiannon's tolerance to wine wasn't as high as mine it seemed, though. She was all sorts of weird, standing outside with her pants down while smoking a cigarette. I loved her for it; weird people were my favorite.

"Did you wanna walk over to Dawson's now?" I asked her once we were drunk enough.

"Yeah, sure, just let me pee," she agreed, "Man, I'm so fucking drunk,"

I laughed at her, "I can tell, it's great,"

"Shut up," she giggled, blushing, "I don't drink wine very often,"

Smirking, I said, "It's all good, now go pee,"

I was thankful for the alcohol because I was feeling pretty nervous thinking about seeing Dawson again. We as people tend to build things up in our minds and just make ourselves nervous all the time; I was the worst for this. My mind was always on over drive, just going, going, going. Maybe that's why I drank so much and did so many drugs, trying to blur out all the thoughts. It worked for the most part, but usually just got me in trouble instead.

Going back inside after finishing my smoke, I began getting ready while Rhiannon was in the bathroom. I stuffed all 12 beers in my bag, concealing them with a sweater, and downed the rest of the drink in my hand.

"Are you bringing your beer?" Rhiannon asked as she walked back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, it's already in my bag," I responded, "I have to go pee, then we can go,"

The walk from my apartment to his took us about half an hour, but it was warm out and Rhiannon definitely made for some good entertainment. When we got to his place there was already a party going on, and Dawson and I didn't even talk to each other. He was busy chatting away with his friends, and I was too chicken to go up and start a conversation, so I just stuck to Rhiannon's side and hung out with her friends.

The party went on all night, but by three in the morning I was so drunk and tired that I was basically passing out on the couch. I didn't want to leave, though, I wanted to talk to Dawson. A guy who I knew and had been talking to all night nudged me on the shoulder and told me to go sleep in Dawson's bed, because he wouldn't mind. It was the third time someone told me to go to sleep, so finally I gave in. I shut his bedroom door behind me and laid down in his bed, but no matter how hard I tried to sleep - and no matter how tired I actually was - it just wouldn't happen.

Despite the door being shut, I could still hear everyone in the living room, and I just kept thinking how much I wanted Dawson to come in and join me. I didn't even necessarily want to have sex, I just wanted to be near him. Did I really like him, though, or was this all part of my plot to make Paul jealous, I wondered.

The sound of the door opening broke my train of thought, and I quickly shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I felt someone lay down beside me, but I remained still. It was quiet for a few minutes until said person honked a bicycle horn he was holding. I feigned confusion and turned around to see Dawson beside me.

"What...?" I asked, staring at the horn and rubbing my eyes.

"I just wanted to let you know I was in the bed," he replied, "You can go back to sleep,"

"Okay..." I said, but continued to stare at him. He had a sad look on his face, and I couldn't just ignore that, "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's whatever. I'll be fine," he responded, but didn't sound very convincing.

"If you insist, but I'm a good listener, just saying,"

He hesitated for a second, then said, "I don't know, sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing anything with my life, like I'm going nowhere. I have friends and stuff, but no one really gets it, I can't really talk to anyone,"

I nodded, "Yeah, I can understand that. I mean, I think most of us feel that way sometimes,"

We ended up talking for a few hours about everything, and he really opened up to me. From what I could tell, he was a pretty negative person, so I tried to just keep preaching a positive mindset. Around five in the morning, after we had talked about everything he wanted to talk about, we just laid there. I shut my eyes and was almost asleep when he started talking again. I didn't want to be rude, so I forced myself awake and listened.

"I just... it's... urg," he said, then proceeded to grab my face and kiss me.

It was so sudden, I didn't expect it at all, but I was pleasantly surprised. I kissed him back, and things started to heat up. When he pulled away, I asked, "How long have you been waiting to do that?"

"For a while, actually,"