Without You

The thumping of boots broke me out of my deep thought. I had been lost in memories of Bucky, trying to remind myself of the man he used to be and why it would be worth my time attempting to restore his memories, if that were even possible. It was difficult to find an excuse not to, though I added a reason to the short list when the new Bucky cupped my shoulder and dug his metal fingers into the thin layer of muscles below my clavicle.

I inhaled sharply from the action. He kept his hand steady, swivelling his body around so he was leaning forwards in front of me. Being so close to him I found the opportunity to study his face and found that he still had soft features, but now they were framed by untamed hair and the emotion in his eyes were completely different, even foreign.

“SHIELD is coming here to detain me, which means that Hydra is too,” he stated and I found myself stiffening at the thought. I guess Hydra hadn’t revealed that they were living inside SHIELD yet, not with one of their best assets missing. “Tell me why I should take you with me instead of leaving you here.”

“Because I can tell you about your past,” I justified.

I was rewarded with pressure on my shoulder. Bucky was gripping me harder and I wished that my healing ability also came with reduced pain awareness.

“You said that before and you told me lies!” he hissed as I ground my teeth to prevent myself from crying out.

“They’re not lies, and if you would just give me a chance then you would see that I’m trying to help!” I insisted. Bucky gave one last squeeze of my shoulder and I shouted in pain. He let go, shoving me backwards into the chair as he stared me down.

“If you are determined to convince me that we are from a war, a war that had to have been seventy or more years ago, then you are of no use to me,” he spat. I felt like he was trying to sound harsh, as though he didn’t care, but I could hear the disappointment. He had finally remembered someone’s face and name, and it was turning into a dead end.

Bucky strode past me and headed for the exit as my shoulder warmed, healing itself. An image of Bucky’s expression as he watched my treatment happen and the way he struggled because he wanted to save me flashed before my eyes.

Now it was my turn. I had to fight back and try to help him.

“Wait!” I yelled and his footsteps stopped. I was relieved that he was willing to hear me out. “You must know your own strength! You had to have been aware of what damage you were doing to me when you were hurting my shoulder!”

Silence.

“So what?” he replied and I exhaled, glad that I had his attention.

“Take a look. You’ll be surprised by what you see,” I called out, hoping I was being vague enough that I could interest him. I turned my head just in time to see him spin and then pace back to me.

I winced as his metal fingers brushed against my skin, pulling back the red material to reveal something he definitely was not expecting.

Bucky’s eyebrows creased and bewilderment flashed behind his eyes. I glanced down a little and saw the perfect condition my skin was in. There was no reddening where he had hurt me, no sign of bruises starting to form, nothing. Bucky tentatively rose his other hand and then traced his fingers across the area, occasionally pressing in and feeling that the tissue was normal and that I wasn’t reacting to show any pain.

“How is that possible?” he breathed. “How can you be undamaged? I- I hurt you…”

“I was given something, had it injected into my veins when I was a prisoner of Hydra. They did something to you too, I saw it happen,” I replied and Bucky’s hand fell to his side as he stared at the shining silver that had replaced his flesh.

“It was not the same thing, I can’t heal like that,” he muttered and I pitied him for having to endure losing a limb, however it had happened.

“No, but I can tell you what I know about it, tell you about our past, and maybe you can find some of the answers you’re looking for. I promise I won’t ever lie to you,” I explained. Even though I had no idea what juice Bucky was given, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine its effects, perhaps I could spend some time with him and bring back more memories. I just couldn’t give up. I had to believe there was a way to save him.

Bucky walked away and I sighed, sliding down in my chair with defeat. If that wasn’t going to convince him, I didn’t know what would. If I was in his position, all I’d want was someone to help restore my identity and past, and-

“Get changed,” he said as a new set of clothes were thrown into my lap. My hands were untied and then my feet, and I met Bucky’s eyes as he stood.

“Why?” I wondered what his reasoning was.

“Because I need you.”