Without You

Bucky led the way through the streets of D.C. with a tight grip on my arm. He had ordered me to not try to escape, but it wasn’t the hold he had on me or the vest full of a range of weapons that he hid beneath his new jacket that kept me around; it was him. I wasn’t going to give up on Bucky, no matter what.

It looked as though the only new items he had acquired to help disguise himself were the baggy black jacket and cap he now wore, the collar turned up and his head tilted so far down I almost wondered how he could see where he was going. Bucky had provided me with a dark blue shirt and brown jacket, allowing me to keep my jeans and comfortable sneakers, and I had refused to let my hair out of its ponytail.

Every time we rounded a corner or someone gave us a peculiar glance, I couldn’t help but wonder where SHIELD was, and Hydra. Was that man with greying hair an agent of Hydra about to broadcast our location and place a kill order on us? Or was that redhead with her back to me actually Natasha, and Steve was right around the corner to rescue us? The dark evening streets were too much for me, and I was glad when Bucky finally tugged me towards the steps of an apartment building.

After inspecting a few doors on the first floor, Bucky selected one and then picked the lock with ease. Once we were inside, he closed and locked the door and left us in almost complete darkness. I only just made out his silhouette pressing his fingers to his lips and I nodded in response, staying still as he pulled out a pistol from beneath his jacket and then shifted away from me.

Eventually the lights turned on. Once my eyes had adjusted, I spotted Bucky walking towards me and tucking the gun back into its holster on his vest.

“It’s clear. We can stay here for a while,” he informed me before taking hold of my arm.

I allowed him to guide me to the bedroom where he gave a slight push to make me sit on the edge of the bed. Bucky then used a zip tie to secure my hands together in front of my body and then gestured towards the bed’s pillow.

“You rest,” he commanded in a tone like a robot.

“If I’m going to sleep, is this really necessary?” I questioned while raising my bound hands.

“I don’t trust you,” Bucky replied simply and I couldn’t help but frown, hurt by hearing him voice that opinion of me. We had trusted each other with our lives, and that time seemed like just yesterday to me.

Leaving my shoes on, I lied down on the hard mattress and Bucky gave a short approving nod before leaving the room. I closed my eyes, expecting to be left alone, but they shot open when something clanked in front of me. There was only just enough time to spot the wooden chair Bucky had shifted into the room before he killed the lights and took a seat, to presumably stare at me while I slept.

I shifted, feeling unnerved about his actions.

“Why don’t you sleep too?” I suggested quietly.

“I’ve done enough sleeping,” he growled. As I pondered his tone I finally took note that Bucky had hardly aged a day since I last saw him, and I wondered if he was somehow kept asleep for most of the seventy or so years that had passed.

Eager to break the silence and take my mind off my current situation, I decided to recount part of our history for him in attempt to connect with the Bucky I knew had to be somewhere inside of the cold soldier.

“We had been taken hostage by Hydra’s forces and we were awaiting our unknown fate in our cells. You were in the same one as me, and a man walked by inspecting all of us. He stopped at me,” I said in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper. I didn’t like recalling what happened past that point, even though Bucky’s bravery was admirable, since what followed was so terrifying.

I gulped and then inhaled slowly, not sensing any reaction from Bucky so far. But at least he was listening.

“He wanted to take me, but you volunteered in my place. The man took us both and we were lead to a lab where they detained us to stretchers. I was the first to be injected.”

“With what?” Bucky quickly asked. He initially took me by surprise but I relaxed with relief that he truly was paying attention, and possibly believing me.

“Ultimately, I don’t know. I’m guessing it was an attempt to replicate the serum that Steve was given, but mine was a glowing light blue,” I said, pausing when Bucky seemed to stiffen.

“And mine wasn’t,” he murmured and I wondered if he was remembering the event.

“No,” I continued when I realised he wasn’t going to speak again. “It was a dull grey. I think it had different effects.”

Bucky remained silent as he thought over what I had said, and I ended up falling asleep while waiting for his response. In the morning I was shaken awake and given five minutes to prepare myself before we left. The sun was rising and Bucky was hurrying down the street, clearly paranoid that agents were closing in on us.

But then he stopped and my arm was yanked so hard I would have been angry had the pain not magically vanished a few moments later. I followed his line of sight and looked in the boutique’s window. The mannequin before us was wearing an aqua dress and Bucky was staring at it intently.

“That colour,” he said with determination and I grinned.

He was remembering.