Without You

The fight was turning out to be different to what I had expected. It was something I had dreamed about for a long time now, something I had admired in the cinemas and on the posters, but actually participating brought up a whole new set of feelings.

First I noticed happiness. I was initially numb as I rushed forwards with my comrades through the trees, but once we encountered enemy forces I was hit by a mixture of satisfaction and pride as one of my bullets landed in an enemy soldier.

Then I just became determined, willing to give my all to contribute to the fight and sway it in our direction. The enemy were difficult to spot amongst the foliage and I felt as though we were beginning to lose more men than they were.

And that was when fear sunk in. As I slammed my back to a trunk for protection, the soldier jogging past me was struck by something and he plummeted to the ground. I could tell by the blood seeping into the soil around his head that he was gone, and the consequences of being a soldier finally sunk in. This was real. I had been two steps away from losing my life. And who would even miss me? Peggy was the only one to come to mind, and that was disheartening.

“Grenade!” a man shouted.

I spun my head to the right where the voice had come from and saw others fleeing for their lives, even though the enemy was still gunning us down. A blur of green slammed into my arm and I was propelled to the left.

I ran alongside the man out of instinct, until he tripped on a branch and we went crashing to the ground. The grenade blew and I hissed as my ears rattled. Before I could recover, I was dragged to my feet and pulled further along to duck behind some cover, a short fence made of a block of sturdy metal that one of the earlier groups of soldiers must have brought out. Feeling temporarily safe, I finally took the time to look at who was providing me with aid and my stomach sank.

“I didn’t need your help,” I stated in between catching my breath. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Bucky’s eyebrows furrow.

“What?” he questioned as he reloaded his gun.

“I was going to run,” I insisted. “Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I need your help. I’ve been trained just like you have!”

“What? No!” Bucky exclaimed, setting his rifle down so he could pivot and face me with ease. “I didn’t even know it was you until we hit the ground!”

“How could you not-“

“I only saw your back,” he interrupted, already knowing what my question was. “I saw a fellow soldier about to be hit by that grenade blast, so I helped him.” His use of the word ‘him’ further proved to me, alongside his passionate tone, that he was telling the truth.

“I’m sorry,” I said with an exhale, tilting my head backwards until my helmet clunked against the metal barrier behind us. “I shouldn’t have assumed…”

I felt incredibly guilty. I didn’t know if it was because I was a mess of emotions from the battle or if it was because someone was genuinely looking past my label of ‘woman’.

“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky dismissed before he finished reloading his gun.

“Fall back! Fall back!” a panicked voice instructed and we both perked up, aware that our brief rest was now over. A few men thundered past, heading in the direction we had come from.

“Oh hell, what now…” I muttered to myself, shifting into a crouched position so I could peek over the barrier.

As I swivelled, an enemy flew around the corner and aimed at me. I paused, knowing there was no way I could fire before he would.

Instead of closing my eyes and waiting for death, I slowly turned my head and saw that Bucky was holding his hands in surrender too, three more enemies surrounding us.

We were pulled off the ground and disarmed before we each received one man prodding his gun into our backs and pushing us forwards, towards the enemy’s base. The other two headed in the opposite direction, presumably in search of more of our men.

I exchanged a look with Bucky but he shrugged his shoulders, just as uncertain as me. I could only hope that despite whatever horrible things were coming, I would have an opportunity to apologise to Bucky.