Without You

Once again the concept of being frozen for seventy or so years and surviving was messing with my mind. While I’m sure there were people out there who would love to be in my position, I wasn’t so sure I was mentally prepared to handle it.

I had finally found the courage to visit Peggy yesterday in hopes of finding answers and comfort, but instead I only found more pain in how much she had grieved for Steve, Bucky and I.

Now it was all I could think of. Him. How I regretted shoving aside my feelings like that, how I should have been able to save him, how he could have been the one to receive the aqua injection and possibly survive the fall… My mind wouldn’t rest, and I knew that there was only one person who had a chance of settling it.

As I knocked on his door, my heart raced, thudding in my chest as I looked around the hallway. It was so different to what I was used to - hell, everything was - and I could only hope that he would understand how lost I felt in this new time period.

“Hi, Evelyn,” Steve smiled after opening the door.

His face fell as he took in my heavyhearted expression.

“I’m having trouble…” I trailed off, not knowing exactly what I had intended to put at the end of that sentence. Having trouble mourning Bucky? Having difficulties adjusting to this new, advanced world? Struggling to find a purpose?

“Come in,” he said, his eyes conveying his understanding.

We had a long talk, covering everything that plagued my mind, and it was such a relief to hear that Steve was on the same page for most things. I felt less alone, and that was something I had been craving ever since I was revived.

When morning came, Steve said he needed to leave but offered his couch, which I gladly accepted. I tossed a blanket over my legs and clutched a cushion to my chest as exhaustion set in and forced my eyes closed.

In my dreams I vividly recalled when I woke from the ice. My body trembled from the immense cold and shock I was experiencing and I gripped the blanket around my shoulders tighter. The men surrounding me, tending to me, wore strange clothes and spoke differently, and I didn’t understand what was going on until I was reunited with Steve. He was also a shivering wet mess and then I began to realise that my pain and suffering hadn’t ended yet. If there was a God, he was torturing me by forcing me to continue to live with the memory of Bucky, with the consequences of the torture Hydra had made me endure, and to make it even more twisted God had thrown me into the future so I had no one to turn to or rely on. I began screaming, crying with self pity, until a door slammed and shook me from my nightmares.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and shoved the blanket off me. As stumbling footsteps approached me, I stood and prepared myself for a fight. It couldn’t have been Steve, and if it was then he was clearly in trouble.

Instead I came face to face with a man who bore an eyepatch and a black trench coat covering a wound he was clutching.

“Evelyn! I’m glad to see you,” Nick said as he stumbled forwards. I reached out and caught him, easing him into a chair. “I came for Steve’s help, but to be honest, I could probably do with yours too.”