We Don't Have Forever

Meghan let out a cheer as I ripped another shot on goal, getting the back of the net with ease. She slammed into me, hugging me tightly and smiling like an idiot. We did a few speed tests and we had a shoot out to see who could do the craziest things. I felt like I had never stopped playing. I noticed that some of Team Canada’s Men’s Hockey had showed up, waiting to get on the ice. Then I spotted Jon, Kylee and my parents. I felt like a deer in headlights and then lost my footing, sliding right into the boards, my head snapping back and my ears ringing for a moment.

“Oh shit!” Meghan yelped, skating over and kneeling down, asking me how many fingers she was holding up. I took a moment, letting the room stop shifting as I held my head.

“I’m fine…” I said, shifting to a sitting position. Then I saw a red jersey skating towards me, making me roll my eyes hard. Meghan helped me up, brushing some ice off of me.

“I’m so sorry, I was just….maybe you would be….I don’t know….coming back and maybe you needed to play to get a taste again.” She said, rambling now that my brother was there.

“It’s okay….really. Good luck, okay?” I said, patting her shoulder and then pushing past Jon. I could hear him calling me to come back but I was over it. I trudged to the dressing room and threw off my pads on the upper half, sitting in my skates and pants. I let out a string of curses and finished undressing, pulling on my regular clothes and pulling my hair up.

“Kathryn?” I heard a timid voice say, making me look up. Kylee was coming into the room, looking a little bit cautious. “You okay?”

“Yeah…I’m fine…” I said, packing the bag back up for Meghan and grabbing my purse. “Just slipped.”

“I know I’m not an expert with this whole hockey thing but….with the way you were skating out there…just slipping seems pretty impossible.” She said, playing with her camera. I sighed, rubbing my face a little bit. “Jon never mentioned that you played too.”

“Of course he wouldn’t.” I mumbled, feeling a little bit dizzy again and sitting back down. Kylee took a few steps and then decided to sit next to me.

“You’re really good, no wonder people thought you and Jon were twins.” She said, laughing a little bit, trying to lighten my mood.

“I can’t play again…I just…it’s not for me.” I said. Kylee frowned and looked at me a little confused. “I got really hurt and…I haven’t been able to get over it.”

“Did someone hit you? Like….into the boards?” She asked, carefully putting a hand on my shoulder. Obviously, Jon hadn’t told her what happened. I thought for a moment about it, if I should tell her.

“Jon doesn’t talk about it because….he feels really guilty…and our parents don’t know.” I said, rubbing my hands together in a nervous habit.

“He hit you!?” She asked, looking shocked.

“No! No, it wasn’t on the ice….we were out celebrating one of his first hat trick games with the Blackhawks when I was down in Chicago visiting him. I played for Stars De Montreal, a Canadian Women’s team. I had Olympic team tryouts in a week…I was slated to get on the roster as an Alternate Captain, all the media just knew I would. We got a little drunk and got in Jon’s car to drive home….he drifted over the centre line and we collided with a truck head on. I broke my arm, had major internal bleeding and a major concussion and whiplash, along with some other cuts and bumps. He walked away with barely a scratch…I had to be rushed in an ambulance to the ICU. I uh….I’ll spare you the gory details. I missed my chance at the Olympic team and my career was destroyed…” I explained, feeling like I could finally breathe after telling her.

“Oh my god…” she said quietly, a hand over her mouth. Before I could say anything else, she flung her arms around me in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s…okay….” I said carefully. I still resented Jon for it but I wouldn’t admit to that. He’s guilt ridden over it enough without me reminding him. He had been pushing me to try and skate again for years. The most skating I’d done was at family events for the team and that was the usual stuff, not picking up a stick or hitting a puck or showcasing my speed.

"How did your parent's not find out!? You were in the ICU!" Kylee asked, looking up from her camera that was sitting in her lap.

"I told them I was in the car with a friend, I would never tell them it was Jon. One of us had to keep up the perfect child image. He was on a roll and I was just kind of....trailing him. They still don't know it's him. Don't say anything!" I said, pointing a finger at her.

"No, of course not!" Kylee said, throwing her hands up. "God...no wonder he's so...protective." I nodded a little bit, agreeing with her. I couldn't really say much else about it, unless she wanted a detailed account of my time in the ICU. I missed playing hockey but fate had other plans for me.