We Don't Have Forever

I sighed heavily, standing in front of the bathroom mirror as I got ready for the game that evening. It was the Gold Medal game with Canada going up against the United States. I was leaving that night back to Chicago, about two hours after the game. I didn’t want to ruin any celebrations with Jon and I’s fighting. I pulled my hat on and headed to the arena, Kylee having already left for the game.

I found my seat with my parents, watching pre-game skate start up. My mom patted my hand gently, smiling at me. She wanted so badly for Jon and I to get along again, I could tell it was hurting her too. We were her babies and we’ve always gotten along, we’ve always just been best friends. But she had no idea what happened the night of the accident.

“I know this trip has been….not so good for you. But I want to say, I am happy that you came.” She said, smiling softly at me. I sighed heavily, smiling back at her. Mom’s always have a subtle way of making you feel guilty, even when they don’t try to.

“I’ll try and call you guys more often…” I said, making her nod and smile as she looked out to the ice, just as the game was getting started. Kylee came up to her seat, scrolling through her pictures and sending me a quick but slightly sad, smile.

The game passed by so quickly but my mind was always wandering all over the place. I’m sure I’ll be watching the game again when I can focus and I’m not so incredibly disgusted with my brother. The next time I zoned in on the game, Canada was receiving their gold medals. I sighed, standing up and checking my watch. I needed to leave before all the fans did or I would never make my flight in time.

Kylee sent me a sad smile again and hugged me, exchanging phone numbers. I thought she was a cool person and even if she and Jon didn’t work out, I would love to still be friends. I said goodbye to my parents and then made my way down the stairs, glancing at the ice again. I waved to Sidney, who happened to look and smile a little as he waved back. I had told him I was leaving after the game.

I made my way back to the room, grabbing my bags and then going down to grab a cab. I watched the Olympic village get smaller in the distance, except for the stadium, which still appeared as large as ever. It was like the elephant in the room with Jon and I. How stupidly symbolic. I got to the airport and made it through security easily, now just having to wait for my flight to leave. Then began my incredibly long flight back to Chicago, knowing it would only be about another four days before Jon was back too. I didn’t know if I could make myself civil to him in just four days. All of my backup places fell through and since I was in school, I couldn’t just go stay with my parents while I tried to find my own place. I was happy to be alone for a few days though. Being in the apartment alone wasn’t anything strange, especially with all the road games Jon has. But this was a different feeling….almost like a calm before a storm.

I sat around for the first day home, I went to class, went to work and then sat around all night. I ordered Chinese food and cracked open a few beers as I watched the highlights from the Gold Medal game. I kept my phone off, I had told my parents that I made it safely and that was all I felt like saying to anyone. The next night, I put on something hot and met up with friends at the bar to drink away our sorrows. I did that for the next few days, waking up more hungover each day. On the fifth day, I stumbled back into the apartment, incredibly drunk and off balance. I stumbled into my room, not even noticing Jon’s bag in the hallway as I crashed on my bed, with Tylenol and Gatorade already on my night stand from my nearly week long binge. I was going to hate myself in the morning but then again, what was new?