We Don't Have Forever

When the door opened a second time, Jonathan’s face greeted me. I was so happy to see it, but… a little disheartened at the same time. The look of excitement that lit up his face didn’t help anything either. He reached out and wrapped me up into a tight hug. I had convinced myself that Katie had told him she had seen me with Jack the second I walked away from her on that night in Pittsburgh. This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting out of him.

“I didn’t know you were home,” he said with me still pressed tightly against him.

“Yeah, I… got in a few days ago,” I told him. After everything happened with Jack, I knew I couldn’t stay around. I left… and have no plans to go anywhere near Columbus, Ohio again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” his face quickly scrunched up in confusion.

“I just… needed some time to myself,” was what I came up with.

“Are you… ok?” his face filled with concern then.

“No,” I was honest… No more lying.

“What’s wrong?” he obviously asked next.

I took in a deep breath and then reached out to take a hold of his wrist. He followed as I led him into the living room. Both of us took a seat on the couch… and I had a hard time bringing myself to look up into his eyes. He brought his hand forward and laced his fingers with mine. He went on to squeeze it a few times… and I had such a hard time squeezing back.

“I… love you,” I needed to say first.

“I love you too,” he countered quickly.

“But I haven’t been a very good girlfriend,” I went on; his expression changing once again.

“Kylee, I don’t…”

“I met someone during the Olympics,” I went all the way back.

“Met someone?”

“We started talking afterwards. It was a nice friendly thing. But then he came to Chicago and…”

“He came to Chicago?!” his brow raised, obviously catching on.

“And one of the major reason that I took the job in Columbus was to see him,” I kept going. I had to get through this.

“Seriously?” anger was beginning to flash through his eyes.

“I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I swear. I just…”

“You cheated,” he stated rather than asked. He got to his feet then and began to pace.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. He was angry. I knew from past experiences that there was no talking to him when he was this upset. You just had to wait it out...But I couldn’t this time. I got up and walked over towards him. My hand extended to gently place my hand on his arm. He jerked it away rather forcefully, turning to me with hurt taking over his face.

“I was sitting here, waiting for you to come back and you’re out fucking around with other guys,” his eyes drilled into me as he spoke.

“It wasn’t like that!” I shot back. I didn’t go and mess around with the whole damn Blue Jacket team! I went to see a friend… and it just exploded in my face.

“Then what the fuck was it like?” his gaze hardened; anger quickly coming back.

“I went to the Pittsburgh game and saw your sister while I was with this guy, so I thought she would run and tell you that she saw me with someone. When she told you, I knew you would think I was cheating and I hadn’t at the point!” I was growing frustrated.

“What the hell were you guys doing in Pittsburgh?” was his next question.

“Does it matter?” I complained.

That question had given him a chance to catch his breath. He rubbed his hands over his face and let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make what I did right or make it hurt any less for you. But I am sorry. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I got wrapped up in things that I shouldn’t have… and I understand that we’re… probably done because of what I did,” I told him, trying to keep myself together.

“I’m going to leave. If you want to talk ever, my phone will be on and I’ll answer it if you do decide to call,” I added before I began to walk towards the door.

I told him what had happened. I wasn’t proud of any of it… but I told him! I owned what happened. It’s up to him what happens next.