Indigo Soul

Chapter Nineteen
The Void
Lazarus

I had heard about twin flames that lose their other half, how they went mad with loneliness, some of them taking their own lives. I had never understood this strange phenomenon. I had never needed anyone else. It was always duty before anything else. That was my life’s mission and nothing else mattered to me but seeing it through. Now, remembering the tears that had been in Risa’s eyes. Knowing that I had caused them. I felt that void in my chest, a void I wanted to throw myself into so I would never harm her again. No one had ever truly loved her until now. I loved her, but it was too late.

I made my way towards the training room getting out my frustrations in some training routines I had worked out to help me fighting demons and monsters. I lowered my sword out of breath no matter how I tried to erase the memories of my conversation with Risa nothing worked.
“You look stressed”.

I looked back to Ashe as he approached me. I nodded lowering my sword.
“She rejected me, I know I deserved it after the way I reacted when she opened up to me”.
Ashe crossed his arms shaking his head.
“And you’re just going to accept that?”
I narrowed my eyes slightly at him.
“What else can I do?”
Ashe placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Talk to her Lazarus. Tell her how you feel, she doesn’t have to do anything or make any choices but, at least she’ll know how you feel”.

I nodded to him. He had a point, I needed to talk to her, and I wasn’t willing to give up on her. I made my way back towards the infirmary. Risa was talking with Fallon, Ember and Skyler. I walked into the room making my way towards her bed.
“Risa, I’d like to talk to you alone, if I can”.
She didn’t meet my gaze, I didn’t want to cause her anymore pain then I already had. Fallon got up leaving the room, Ember and Skyler following behind her.
“Lazarus”.
Risa began, I held up my hand.

“I’m not here to force you into anything. I just want you to hear me out. You don’t have to accept it or forgive me or even respond to anything I have to say. All I am asking is that you listen to me. Really listen”.

Risa nodded not saying a word. I walked over sitting on the edge of the bed, as I reached to take her hand I stopped myself seeing her pull her hand away from mine.
“I love you, you are my twin flame. The one soul in this world with whom I am always connected to. In perfect sync. I was shocked when you were so honest and open with me. For as long as I can remember I only cared about my life’s mission. My quest. I never thought I’d have that kind of bond with anyone. So I stayed focused on my task. My life’s quest”.

I looked at her seeing she hadn’t yet met my gaze.
“But now I know, you are my life’s quest. I love you no matter what, I’m in love with you. And I always will be. You have every right to reject me and my feelings. After how I reacted, even if I’m a novice when it comes to romance and love. It was still wrong. I guess what I mean is, your days of going unloved by the people around you are over”.
Risa looked at me shocked by my words. I stood smiling at her.

“I’ll keep loving you, even if you don’t want to be with me”.
I turned on my heels walking out of the room. Having said all I needed to I shoved my fists in my pockets and started down the hall. I meant everything I said to her, and Ashe was right. Having her know my true feelings did make things a little better. Still the void remained, I didn’t know what was in store for Risa and I. but I hoped to the Gods that we would always be together.