Beast
Please, Just Let Me Go
“What times your appointment?” I question out loud, my voice cutting through the silence.
Clara anxiously plays with her cup while John places his paper down. He looks over at Clara, his face softening as he watches her. Taking a deep breath, Clara finally informs me, "It ’s at 3, however we need to be there at 2:30 to fill in paperwork.”
“The plan is to leave here at 9 and stay overnight,” John elaborates.
Nodding my head, I run a hand through my hair letting the information sink in. Placing my my hands on the table, I quiz, “What would you like me to do? How can I help you?”
Clara looks at me, my heart breaks seeing how tired and stressed she looks. Placing her hand on top of my mine, she exclaims with a soft smile, “You being here is enough. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
“I am here to help you, to help you both,” I beg her softly, desperately wanting to do what I can.
“There is a list of things I need done on the farm today,” John informs, leaning back in his chair.
Nodding my head, I happily reply, “Done and I will look after the house. Do you need any jobs done Clara?”
Thinking for a moment, Clara tells me, “There is some washing to hang out and I have been meaning to go to the store.”
“Consider it done,” I exclaim. I pause for a moment before I ask, “when will they know what’s going on?”
“That’s what today’s appointment is for. They will explain the process of the tests we need to do and where we go from here,” she explains, her voice shaking.
“Okay ladies, who wants breakfast?!” I sing out happily as I spread the chicken feed on the ground. I watch the chickens flock around me, pecking away at their breakfast. John and Clara have left an hour ago and I am starting to clock off John’s list.
I walk to their large red, wooden hutch and check for eggs. I place four eggs delicately in the basket and check their bedding and water. I spin around on my toes, getting ready to take the eggs inside.
A scream escapes my lips as I collide with a larger body, causing me to drop the basket. A deep chuckle erupts from the body as they catch the basket. I look up to meet Connor’s eyes staring down at me. A smirk plastered on his lips and his right eyebrow raised.
“Did I startle you, Holly?” he teases, amusement in his voice.
I snatch the basket from him and begin to walk away. He does not take the hint, instead he walks at my side, keeping up with my pace. Frustrated, I come to sudden halt.
“What do you want?” I snap at him, pushing his chest.
His smirk grows in size as he remarks, “I forgot how cute you get when you’re mad.”
Groaning in annoyance, I push him again, even though he does not flinch or move. Instead, he cocks his head to the side and looks at me in amusement.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask him.
Pushing his lips together for a moment, he taunts, “Now, the true question is why are you back?”
Sighing, I whisper, “It doesn’t concern you.”
Now it is his turn to groan in annoyance, before he exclaims, “When it is to do with you, it does concern me.”
“Clara may have cancer, I have come here to support them you bastard,” I snap, getting sick of his games.
His face drops, not expecting my reaction. “I didn’t know..” he mumbles, trailing off.
Shaking my head, I yell at him, letting my built up emotions out, “No, you wouldn’t. Why? Because all that Connor cares about is his self. As long as you’re happy, then fuck everyone else.”
He tries to say something but I cut him off, “No, you’re the same man you were all those years ago. You haven’t changed.”
His nostrils flare as his face twists into anger, I have hit a nerve. He grabs me roughly by the arms, causing me to wince in pain. His grip tightens, bruises already forming on my skin.
“Stop!” I beg him desperately, tears forming in my eyes.
He immediately stops, shock filling up his face. He looks at me, almost as if he is horrified by his own actions. I close my eyes, letting the tears roll down my cheeks. I jump when he wipes them away, gently as if I would break.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just..” he confesses, attempting to search for the right words.
Shaking my head, more tears roll down my cheeks as I cut him off, whispering, “You have more than you know. Please, please just let me go.”
He releases me and steps back, not saying anything. I look at him, my mascara stinging my eyes. I had imagined this moment so many times, imagined it in so many ways on how to express how much he has hurt me.
“I loved you, I gave you everything I could give. It wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough,” I confess, my heart tightening in my chest as I sob.
“You slept with her, you betrayed me and I had to find out through other people,” I continue, sobbing harder, making it more difficult to get the words out.
“I..” he attempts to defend him self but I do not allow it, “No! You destroyed me that day Connor. I left to escape you, to escape seeing her everyday, knowing what you had done.”
“Was she worth it?” I whisper broken and defeated.
He takes a step closer to me, and reaches out while saying my name. Shaking my head, I step back from him. A gust of window blows past my face, stinging my eyes and freezing my tear soaked cheeks.
“Just go Connor, you’ve done enough damage,” I try to snarl, however it comes out with another sob. With that said, I walk to the house, walking away from him as more tears over flow from my eyes.
Clara anxiously plays with her cup while John places his paper down. He looks over at Clara, his face softening as he watches her. Taking a deep breath, Clara finally informs me, "It ’s at 3, however we need to be there at 2:30 to fill in paperwork.”
“The plan is to leave here at 9 and stay overnight,” John elaborates.
Nodding my head, I run a hand through my hair letting the information sink in. Placing my my hands on the table, I quiz, “What would you like me to do? How can I help you?”
Clara looks at me, my heart breaks seeing how tired and stressed she looks. Placing her hand on top of my mine, she exclaims with a soft smile, “You being here is enough. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
“I am here to help you, to help you both,” I beg her softly, desperately wanting to do what I can.
“There is a list of things I need done on the farm today,” John informs, leaning back in his chair.
Nodding my head, I happily reply, “Done and I will look after the house. Do you need any jobs done Clara?”
Thinking for a moment, Clara tells me, “There is some washing to hang out and I have been meaning to go to the store.”
“Consider it done,” I exclaim. I pause for a moment before I ask, “when will they know what’s going on?”
“That’s what today’s appointment is for. They will explain the process of the tests we need to do and where we go from here,” she explains, her voice shaking.
“Okay ladies, who wants breakfast?!” I sing out happily as I spread the chicken feed on the ground. I watch the chickens flock around me, pecking away at their breakfast. John and Clara have left an hour ago and I am starting to clock off John’s list.
I walk to their large red, wooden hutch and check for eggs. I place four eggs delicately in the basket and check their bedding and water. I spin around on my toes, getting ready to take the eggs inside.
A scream escapes my lips as I collide with a larger body, causing me to drop the basket. A deep chuckle erupts from the body as they catch the basket. I look up to meet Connor’s eyes staring down at me. A smirk plastered on his lips and his right eyebrow raised.
“Did I startle you, Holly?” he teases, amusement in his voice.
I snatch the basket from him and begin to walk away. He does not take the hint, instead he walks at my side, keeping up with my pace. Frustrated, I come to sudden halt.
“What do you want?” I snap at him, pushing his chest.
His smirk grows in size as he remarks, “I forgot how cute you get when you’re mad.”
Groaning in annoyance, I push him again, even though he does not flinch or move. Instead, he cocks his head to the side and looks at me in amusement.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask him.
Pushing his lips together for a moment, he taunts, “Now, the true question is why are you back?”
Sighing, I whisper, “It doesn’t concern you.”
Now it is his turn to groan in annoyance, before he exclaims, “When it is to do with you, it does concern me.”
“Clara may have cancer, I have come here to support them you bastard,” I snap, getting sick of his games.
His face drops, not expecting my reaction. “I didn’t know..” he mumbles, trailing off.
Shaking my head, I yell at him, letting my built up emotions out, “No, you wouldn’t. Why? Because all that Connor cares about is his self. As long as you’re happy, then fuck everyone else.”
He tries to say something but I cut him off, “No, you’re the same man you were all those years ago. You haven’t changed.”
His nostrils flare as his face twists into anger, I have hit a nerve. He grabs me roughly by the arms, causing me to wince in pain. His grip tightens, bruises already forming on my skin.
“Stop!” I beg him desperately, tears forming in my eyes.
He immediately stops, shock filling up his face. He looks at me, almost as if he is horrified by his own actions. I close my eyes, letting the tears roll down my cheeks. I jump when he wipes them away, gently as if I would break.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just..” he confesses, attempting to search for the right words.
Shaking my head, more tears roll down my cheeks as I cut him off, whispering, “You have more than you know. Please, please just let me go.”
He releases me and steps back, not saying anything. I look at him, my mascara stinging my eyes. I had imagined this moment so many times, imagined it in so many ways on how to express how much he has hurt me.
“I loved you, I gave you everything I could give. It wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough,” I confess, my heart tightening in my chest as I sob.
“You slept with her, you betrayed me and I had to find out through other people,” I continue, sobbing harder, making it more difficult to get the words out.
“I..” he attempts to defend him self but I do not allow it, “No! You destroyed me that day Connor. I left to escape you, to escape seeing her everyday, knowing what you had done.”
“Was she worth it?” I whisper broken and defeated.
He takes a step closer to me, and reaches out while saying my name. Shaking my head, I step back from him. A gust of window blows past my face, stinging my eyes and freezing my tear soaked cheeks.
“Just go Connor, you’ve done enough damage,” I try to snarl, however it comes out with another sob. With that said, I walk to the house, walking away from him as more tears over flow from my eyes.
♠ ♠ ♠
