Under Your Skin

I sat down in first period, ignoring the snickering in the side of the room.
It was the same guy from before, along with a couple of his friends. “Hey fag, how was your weekend?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes and leant my head on my hand.
“I’m talking to you fuckface,” he called. I had learned that his name was Brandon, and that he was pretty much just an asshole with a big mouth.
“What do you want?” I asked, giving in. “How was your weekend faggot?” I shrugged, ignoring the derogatory comment.
“Nice actually. Why do you care?”
He shrugged and grinned. “Did you suck any dicks?” All of his friends laughed at me. “Did you?”
Brandon glared at me and stood up. “What did you say to me?” he asked. “Nothing worth repeating,” He raised an eyebrow and went to walk over to me when the teacher walked in.
“Sit down Montgomery,” he said and glared. I smiled down at my desk and then got out my notebook. Serves him right….

Vic caught my arm as soon I stepped into the cafeteria. “Hi,” I said, a little startled.
“Hey, I wanted to talk to you,” I nodded and smiled at him. “Okay. What’s up?” He pulled me out of the lunch room and down the hall to what I was beginning to consider as our bathroom.
“You kissed me,” he said as soon as we were alone. I blushed and bit my lip. “Was that wrong?” I asked skeptically.
Vic shook his head quickly a happy smile on his lips. “N-no, no. That’s not what I meant. Um, I thought—you like me?” he asked.
I nodded and stared down at my feet.
“Um, I’m not—I just couldn’t say it,” I said softly. “I haven’t liked anyone else since…you know, and it’s just hard for me,” Vic tilted my chin up and then slowly leant forward to kiss me. He put one hand on my waist gently, and left the other by his side. “I really appreciate that,” I said when he pulled away.
Vic made a face at me, confused. “You move slowly when you get close to me, and when we kissed, you didn’t hold me there. Um…you let me have the control,”
Vic smiled at me. “Well I know you don’t like to be touched, so I figured you’d feel better about it if I didn’t just do it,”
I nodded and smiled before moving to hug him. He seemed a little surprised, but hugged me back, his strong arms wrapping around me tightly.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had had a proper hug, and it was surprisingly comforting. We pulled back slowly, lingering in each other’s hold for a second too long.
“Oh, um—I wanted to thank you, like, properly. For listening to me,” I said. “Kellin, you already thanked me,” I nodded.
“I know, I just--,” Vic smiled at me.
“I get it. It’s just nice to have someone to listen,” I nodded again and sighed. “So, how about lunch then?” I shrugged lightly, making him frown.
“You can sit with me, you know,” he offered. “Won’t people find that weird? Like, you hating me one day, and then sitting with me the next?”
Vic shrugged then, brushing me off. “I don’t really care. Besides, it’s depressing to sit all by yourself,” He took a hold of my wrist then, dragging me out to the cafeteria by my sleeve. There were quite a few people looking at us, spiking my anxiety.
“Vic,” I said nervously. I may be sassy on the outside, but I didn’t like to be the center of attention. “Hush,”
I glared at him as he pulled a chair out with his foot, and fell into his own. I sighed to myself and sat down beside him, even as his friends stared at me.
“Hey Kellin,” Mike said and popped a fry into his mouth. I smiled at him and sat back in my chair. Vic stood up suddenly, frightening me.
His hand moved to rest on my shoulder, apparently having noticed me flinch. “I’m just going to get lunch. Are you coming?” I shook my head, earning a less than pleased look from him.
“I’m not hungry,” I said and watched him as he walked away. Mike and Tony got into some heated argument I couldn’t follow, while Jaime texted someone, leaving me to my thoughts.
I was kind of tired, although not like the exhausted tired that I was after a nightmare. They were honestly horrible.
I had spent weeks googling it, since my parents were clueless, and I guess what I had were flashbacks.
They mostly occurred during dreams, although sometimes I could practically relive what had happened while I had a panic attack.
They made everything more intense. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night; terrified and unable to breathe as I woke up in the middle of a panic attack.
They were always the same too; I would dream, and then panic while I slept, and wake up drenched, while absolutely petrified. What was worse, was that I couldn’t get the images out of my head after them, so sleep was impossible for me afterwards.
Usually I would claim to be sick if I had them, or wait until my parents had left and just skip.
They never knew the difference, at least not until the school called.
I jumped again as Vic reappeared, sitting down beside me. “Someone’s jumpy today,” Tony said. “I’m always jumpy,” I said back.
“Here,” Vic set a little basket of fries and a water bottle in front of me to change the subject. I just stared at him in confusion.
“I got them for you. You have to eat something,” he said.
“Um, y-you didn’t have to do that,”
Vic shrugged lightly and ate one of his own fries. I picked up my bag, going to get my wallet out when he caught my hand. “I don’t want your money. Just eat something please,”
I watched him confusedly for a minute before doing what he said.
I wasn’t used to people caring like that.
I could handle people harassing me and come up with a witty comeback in seconds, but I honestly didn’t know what to do when someone was randomly kind to me.
And the realization was kind of shocking.
“What?” Vic asked as I continued to stare at him. “Um…thank you,” I said softly. He nodded and opened his Gatorade to take a few sips.
I watched him swallow the blue liquid before taking a french fry and chewing slowly.
I couldn’t get over the fact that had no idea had to accept random kindness, and Vic started to notice after a while. “You okay?” he asked randomly, catching my attention.
“Mhm, yeah, I’m fine,” I said and mechanically ate some more of the fries he had bought me.
“Are you sure?” I nodded and went to take a few sips of my water. I really wasn’t though. That realization had fucked me up. What else didn’t I know how to do properly anymore? ~