Mute
Chapter 4
I let out a little groan. Da.mn, what did I do last night? I opened my eyes slowly, closing them and reopening them several times because of the light being too bright. Once my eyes had adjusted I glanced around the room I was in. It was my bathroom. A few puddles of blood laid on the ground were I was laying down. I also had a bit of blood smeared onto my arms and my torsos, and thighs.
I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember what happened last night. It was pretty obvious I had self harmed, again. I frown at the thought. Why did I let my thoughts get so dark? Why did I let myself do that? I look down at my body to find that I was only wearing boxer briefs. My hair had was wet in some areas due to the blood. What time was it?
I began to stand, but I feel back down on my butt quickly. A sudden urge to vomit began to rise, I glanced around quickly, too quickly. I was lucky that I was next to the toilet. I moved closer to it and let the contents leave my stomach.
A few moments later, after I had stopped vomiting, I deiced to try and stand again, but more slowly this time. Once I was successful I carefully slipped my boxers off and stepped into the shower. I then began to wash the blood off, begin careful around the cuts on my thighs, arms, and the few on my sides. I didn't need to re-open any.
Once I was sure that I was clean I stepped out of the shower carefully, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I cut off the water and went to the door. I paused at the door and listened. When I was sure that my father wasn't in the room I opened the door. Then I went over to my phone on the table next to my bed. It was 7:02 AM. I muttered a few curses, I had to be at school by 7:45.
I let out a little groan. I didn't want to go to school, but I had to go to school. My father would give me hell if I didn't. Before I went to put bandages onto certain areas I pulled on some boxer briefs. I then grabbed some bandages from the bathroom, cleaning the cuts on my arms before placing the gauze around my arms. The gauze wrapped around each arm from my wrist to my elbow. I put some bandages onto my thighs next, I then went off to get some clothes.
I slipped on a black tank top, just encase cuts on my stomach were opened, a dark sweater and a pair of black skinny jeans that didn't quite hug my legs as tight as they should. I placed a few band bracelets on my wrist bellow my sweater sleeves. I carefully pulled the sleeves over the bracelets. Before I left my room I fixed my hair and placed a black knitted beanie on top of it.
Then I grabbed my black converse shoes, placing them on my feet, and my red and black Asking Alexandria bag and walked out of my room. I grabbed two granola bars from the cabinet and left the house before my father could awake. I ate one of the bars while I walked to my school.
When I arrived to the school I went straight to my locker, grabbing the things I needed for first block. Once I had what I needed I placed my bag into my locker and made sure my locker locked before leaving to my math class.
-
Math class was a bore. Nothing much happened. I gave him this little notes and he was whispering to me his response, or writing it down. We had talked about various things, from our favorite things, to bands. I was lucky we had similar music taste.
I had occasionally pulled the sleeves of my sweeter over my hands. Whenever Matty brought up anything about my family life, or ask if I was alright I'd dodge the question. He seemed to be frustrated that I wouldn't let him know about those kind of things. He didn't say a word about it though, just a frustrated sigh when I dodged the questions. The moment the bell rang I stood up, gathering my things quickly and left to continue my day.
-
Lunch time. The most dreaded time of the day. A place were you either relax and socialize or sit alone and be anti-social. I had no attentions on sitting with Matty today, so I went to an empty table in the corner of the lunch room. I sat alone at the table, chewing on my granola bar gradually.
I didn't glance over at Vic's table once during the first half of lunch. I had finished my granola bar by now, and was just sitting in the seat sideways. My legs pulled close to my chest and my head rested on my knees. I allowed my arms to wrap around my knees, staring into space as I thought.
I pondered on what would await me when I got home. Would he be home, or would he still be at his job? It was only a matter of time before he got fired and was forced to stay at home. That's when he got the most abusive and I hated it.
Maybe I would get a break this week, I normally did during the first week at a new place. This was the fourth time we've move, it probably won't be the last. This was the reason why I wasn't socializing with people that much. I would just end up moving before I got a chance to really know them. Plus I stutter, and people dislike my stutter.
They say it makes me harder to understand. I've tired to fix my stutter several times, I just can't seem to correct it. It's like a glitch in a gaming system that can't fix. Before I could go too in depth with my thoughts a person sat on the other side of the table. I glanced at the person, only to find it was Vic.
I shot a glare at him. I wasn't to fond that he was sitting here. Why would he even sit here? I'm a nobody. No one cares about me. Not even my own father. I'm better off dead if I must say so myself. Vic kept this cool smile on his face, not seeming bothered by the look I was giving him.
"Listen, Kellin....I'm sorry, about...yesterday. How about we start off fresh?" he requested, still smiling. It wasn't a fake smile, from what I could tell. It was more of a 'I want to be your friend, don't make me look stupid by rejecting me' smile.
I gave him a skeptical look. I let out a little sigh, I was so going to regret this later.
"A-a-al-right." I replied, sitting up and facing him. I made sure to keep the sleeves over my hands when I sat up, and that my sweater didn't show my stomach any.
"Well, I'm Vic and you are?" Vic held out a hand to shake. I raised a slight eyebrow at him, but went along with it.
"K-kellin.." I murmured. I wasn't aware that my hand was shaking until I actually reached out to shake his hand.
Just as he was about to talk the bell rang. It was time to go to my next class. I let out a sigh of relief.
"I'll talk to you later." he kept smiling, then got up and left. I still sat there, thinking for a few moments before actually standing and going to my next class.
I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to remember what happened last night. It was pretty obvious I had self harmed, again. I frown at the thought. Why did I let my thoughts get so dark? Why did I let myself do that? I look down at my body to find that I was only wearing boxer briefs. My hair had was wet in some areas due to the blood. What time was it?
I began to stand, but I feel back down on my butt quickly. A sudden urge to vomit began to rise, I glanced around quickly, too quickly. I was lucky that I was next to the toilet. I moved closer to it and let the contents leave my stomach.
A few moments later, after I had stopped vomiting, I deiced to try and stand again, but more slowly this time. Once I was successful I carefully slipped my boxers off and stepped into the shower. I then began to wash the blood off, begin careful around the cuts on my thighs, arms, and the few on my sides. I didn't need to re-open any.
Once I was sure that I was clean I stepped out of the shower carefully, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I cut off the water and went to the door. I paused at the door and listened. When I was sure that my father wasn't in the room I opened the door. Then I went over to my phone on the table next to my bed. It was 7:02 AM. I muttered a few curses, I had to be at school by 7:45.
I let out a little groan. I didn't want to go to school, but I had to go to school. My father would give me hell if I didn't. Before I went to put bandages onto certain areas I pulled on some boxer briefs. I then grabbed some bandages from the bathroom, cleaning the cuts on my arms before placing the gauze around my arms. The gauze wrapped around each arm from my wrist to my elbow. I put some bandages onto my thighs next, I then went off to get some clothes.
I slipped on a black tank top, just encase cuts on my stomach were opened, a dark sweater and a pair of black skinny jeans that didn't quite hug my legs as tight as they should. I placed a few band bracelets on my wrist bellow my sweater sleeves. I carefully pulled the sleeves over the bracelets. Before I left my room I fixed my hair and placed a black knitted beanie on top of it.
Then I grabbed my black converse shoes, placing them on my feet, and my red and black Asking Alexandria bag and walked out of my room. I grabbed two granola bars from the cabinet and left the house before my father could awake. I ate one of the bars while I walked to my school.
When I arrived to the school I went straight to my locker, grabbing the things I needed for first block. Once I had what I needed I placed my bag into my locker and made sure my locker locked before leaving to my math class.
-
Math class was a bore. Nothing much happened. I gave him this little notes and he was whispering to me his response, or writing it down. We had talked about various things, from our favorite things, to bands. I was lucky we had similar music taste.
I had occasionally pulled the sleeves of my sweeter over my hands. Whenever Matty brought up anything about my family life, or ask if I was alright I'd dodge the question. He seemed to be frustrated that I wouldn't let him know about those kind of things. He didn't say a word about it though, just a frustrated sigh when I dodged the questions. The moment the bell rang I stood up, gathering my things quickly and left to continue my day.
-
Lunch time. The most dreaded time of the day. A place were you either relax and socialize or sit alone and be anti-social. I had no attentions on sitting with Matty today, so I went to an empty table in the corner of the lunch room. I sat alone at the table, chewing on my granola bar gradually.
I didn't glance over at Vic's table once during the first half of lunch. I had finished my granola bar by now, and was just sitting in the seat sideways. My legs pulled close to my chest and my head rested on my knees. I allowed my arms to wrap around my knees, staring into space as I thought.
I pondered on what would await me when I got home. Would he be home, or would he still be at his job? It was only a matter of time before he got fired and was forced to stay at home. That's when he got the most abusive and I hated it.
Maybe I would get a break this week, I normally did during the first week at a new place. This was the fourth time we've move, it probably won't be the last. This was the reason why I wasn't socializing with people that much. I would just end up moving before I got a chance to really know them. Plus I stutter, and people dislike my stutter.
They say it makes me harder to understand. I've tired to fix my stutter several times, I just can't seem to correct it. It's like a glitch in a gaming system that can't fix. Before I could go too in depth with my thoughts a person sat on the other side of the table. I glanced at the person, only to find it was Vic.
I shot a glare at him. I wasn't to fond that he was sitting here. Why would he even sit here? I'm a nobody. No one cares about me. Not even my own father. I'm better off dead if I must say so myself. Vic kept this cool smile on his face, not seeming bothered by the look I was giving him.
"Listen, Kellin....I'm sorry, about...yesterday. How about we start off fresh?" he requested, still smiling. It wasn't a fake smile, from what I could tell. It was more of a 'I want to be your friend, don't make me look stupid by rejecting me' smile.
I gave him a skeptical look. I let out a little sigh, I was so going to regret this later.
"A-a-al-right." I replied, sitting up and facing him. I made sure to keep the sleeves over my hands when I sat up, and that my sweater didn't show my stomach any.
"Well, I'm Vic and you are?" Vic held out a hand to shake. I raised a slight eyebrow at him, but went along with it.
"K-kellin.." I murmured. I wasn't aware that my hand was shaking until I actually reached out to shake his hand.
Just as he was about to talk the bell rang. It was time to go to my next class. I let out a sigh of relief.
"I'll talk to you later." he kept smiling, then got up and left. I still sat there, thinking for a few moments before actually standing and going to my next class.