So Kiss Me Goodbye

Was it one line negative or two lines negative?

Saying my hands were shaking was an understatement.

I bit my nails to nothing, my knees bounced continually; every nervous habit there was I did.

"How much longer?" I asked Jamie, not having the courage to check for myself.

She checked her phone.

"Five minutes."

I let out a shaky sigh, sinking into the couch.

My mind strayed from time to time to the results but I quickly reeled it in.

At times I'd draw my legs up to my chest like I did when I was feeling vulnerable but that reminded me of my stomach once more.

There wasn't much safe ground internally.

From one end was the pregnancy test whereas on the other was Will.

Will

I had no idea what I was going to do.

My confidence I had built high since I came to Chicago on my own had died.

I was once again that little girl from Charleston, wanting to be a writer but with no ones support.

Will had made me feel so wonderful these past weeks.

If this was positive I might lose him.

To make my stress levels go higher my phone began to ring.

"Please not Will, please not Will, please not Will..." I repeated softly, looking heavenward.

Jamie regarded me curiously as my face fell upon seeing the caller I.D.

"Hey Will."

He replied tiredly, wordlessly telling me he had either just gotten off a show or woken up from one. "Hey sweetie."

"Not that I, uh, don't like hearing from you but any reason you're calling now?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level.

He chuckled. "What? No love for Will?"

"No... it's just I'm kinda busy right now."

"With what?" Came his curious reply.

My throat ran dry as I attempted to reply.

"Well... Jamie's over and we were..."

I looked over at her as she grabbed my writing tablet and pen, scrawling 'making brownies' hurriedly.

"We're making brownies! And we've got..."

I looked over at her watch, seeing there were three minutes left till I found out whether or not me and Will would be parents.

"And we've got three minutes. You know, don't want them to burn."

I'm sure I sounded hysterical, my voice pitch had risen and my words were coming out quickly.

"Are you alright Lilly?" He asked, the concern in his voice almost bringing me to telling him everything.

"Um... I just caught that bug going around so I'm home sick, and I've got two articles I need to finish, and I might be-, I mean it might be PMS I don't know..." I fumbled, catching myself before I possibly made a huge mistake, or at least another one.

Will 'awed' as I could imagine if he was here he'd wrap his arms around me.

"There's a break coming up soon in the schedule, maybe I can fly out there for a day or so."

The prospects of seeing him after a month apart made my heart remember to beat, at least a little more normally.

"I'd love that Will." I murmured.

I didn't hear what he said back as Jamie quickly began jumping up and down, pointing to her watch.

My hands restarted their shaking and clamminess, the bounce in my knees moving to my feet as I got up.

"Uh, hang on a second Will, the um, brownies are done."

My feet dragged like lead as I approached the bathroom.

It was more or less by force with Jamie pushing me toward it.

With the little stick looming closer and closer, I managed to see the results through my squinted eyes.

The phone fell from my hands upon seeing the two little lines.

Positive.

Jamie wrapped her arms around me from behind as Will's panicked voice echoed through the bathroom.

"Lilly, Lilly are you alright? What happened?"

Jamie picked up the phone for me, seeing as my body decided not to work.

"Lilly?" He asked once more, the tiredness in his voice leaving.

My hand fumbled for the phone, putting it up to my ear.

"Uh Will, I need you out here as soon as possible."

The panic gave way to nerves. "What happened? What's wrong?"

I sighed, unable to tear my eyes from the pregnancy test.

"I just need to talk to you okay?"

I had already decided the best thing to do was tell him in person.

That would make it easier right?