So Kiss Me Goodbye

It wasn't till late when we all trooped back into the house.

Madi was wide awake from her nocturnal ness, something that continued to bug Jake even as he locked himself in his room in true teenage fashion.

I was on my way in my room when my mom stopped me.

"Lilly honey, can you come here a minute?" She called from the living room.

I glanced at Will, going to pull him with me when my dad appeared out of nowhere.

"Go see your mother sweetheart; I want to talk to William here."

We both glanced at each other before getting pulled away in opposite directions.

As I walked into the living room I was expecting to see a table, a chair, and a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling.

Instead my mom was sitting cross legged on the couch with a cup of tea in her hand.

"Is this like one of those suburban interrogations?" I asked oddly, taking the seat farthest from her.

She gave me one of her polite smiles and shook her head.

"No sweetie, I just thought we needed to talk."

I had already figured out what they were doing, separating me and Will to talk, but the subject matter was something I didn't want to think about.

"I know you're not going to like this conversation but I think we need to have it anyway."

My mom's statement only made me even more confused as I began nervously cracking my knuckles.

She frowned at what I was doing but continued.

"Sweetie, do you think you're ready for all this?"

I decided to play stupid. "All of what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Motherhood, marriage, losing all your hopes and dreams."

I sighed. "Gee Mom, you sure do make it sound like the greatest joy in life."

She gave me that stereotypical mom look.

"That's not funny Lilly, this is a very serious matter. I mean, you're just so young sweetheart."

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fully aware of that, but I mean, I've already got a career and I've managed to keep myself alive on my own the past five years."

My mom looked away at the mention of me moving out but quickly went back.

"Still, you're getting married, having a baby... you're only twenty-one and this is going to affect the rest of your life, are you sure this is what you want?"

For a moment I was going to pull my legs up to my chest but stopped, remembering my stomach and that I wasn't some scared eighteen year old again.

"I'm twenty-two! And did you ever stop and ask me about my life instead of assuming everything?"

My mom rose an eyebrow.

"Oh? And what have I been assuming?"

My actions earlier fueled me to stand up, beginning to pace.

"I admit, I didn't plan this baby. I haven't planned anything in my life. But it's turned out great regardless, I don't see why I should change how I go about it now."

"So you're having an accidental baby?" She asked sharply.

I nodded, crossing my arms.

"Is Will even the father?" She continued.

"Of course he is, stop insinuating I'm a whore!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet.

My mom sighed in one of those sighs only mothers made.

"And how am I supposed to know this when you haven't talked to me in four years?" My mom shot back.

With an eye roll I replied with the words I had wanted to tell her for years.

"Me talk to you?! Last time I checked you disowned me and cut me out of your life! If you were so damn desperate to talk to me you could've figured out phones work both ways!"

"Don't raise your voice to me Lilly, I'm still your mother." The woman across from me said icily.

I snorted. "Only biologically Mom."

She sent me a glare as I followed in the footsteps of all the children before me wanting to make they're parents hurt with words.

"I'm not marrying him. Will and I aren't getting married. Never thought about it till now. Still not planning on it. You're not getting a son-in-law. I'm going to be a single mother." I ranted, trying to find every way to say it for her to understand.

Her jaw dropped. "Lilly! I will not have a bastard as my grandchild! I thought you were better than this."

I was about to yell at her at equal volume when my dad poked his head in the room with Will behind him.

"Laura please listen to them. William's a good man; he'll take care of her and the baby even if they're not married."

My mom glared at him and began cleaning up the coffee table, something she did when she was really angry, muttering to herself.

"My oldest daughter... pregnant at twenty-two... not even with the father... failed at life, no career."

I sighed and began pacing.

"I have a career, haven't you been listening to me?"

She looked up at me with an eye roll and muttered something about writing not being a career.

Angrily I brushed passed Will and my dad to Madi's room, barging in without words and rifling through her magazines.

"What's going on?" She asked sleepily.

I let out something of a triumphant exclamation as my hands closed around the The Academy Is... AP before looking up at her.

"If you ever want to ditch this hell hole and follow your dreams I've got you're back 100%, just ask." I said with determination before heading back to the living room.

By the time I got to there I had flipped open the front of the article where my name was printed in bold letters.

"Look here, that's my name right there on a magazine article millions of people will read. I'm happy and living my life the way I want it, and I didn't need you."

I stopped, realizing the whole root of this argument.

"Wait a minute, that's your problem. It's because I followed my dreams when you settled for less and I did it without your help. And now that I'm having a baby... you don't care I'm not getting married, you're just mad I'm doing what you never did."

My mom, still breathing heavily from our argument, jaw dropped as she stammered out something of a defense.

I didn't even bother to reply to her, merely dropping the magazine on the table and walking off to my room.

As soon as I shut the door and crawled into the bed the tears began flowing.

It's a tough thing to have your mother hate you for being yourself.

Knowing I'd be leaving in the morning was the only bright thought I could find to clear my mind and sleep.