So Kiss Me Goodbye

It felt so good to be home again and away from the hospital.

Knowing I'd be stuck there on a minimum of two days (hoping everything went well) in a couple of months did not make me feel much better.

I was currently relaxing on my couch in a gloriously empty apartment having no idea what to do with myself.

Ever since Genevieve realized I was becoming more hormonal and harder to deal with she had kindly sent me home and gave me as many articles as I could do from my couch under the condition I checked in once every two weeks and told her how the baby was.

While I was inwardly salivating about the idea of raw cookie dough and hot sauce, a knock on the door interrupted me.

"If you're girl scouts I expect three boxes of Thin Mints up front." I announced, wandering to the door.

When I opened the door however there were no little girls in green but instead a taller boy hiding behind a bouquet of flowers.

Not just any flowers but red tulips.

I couldn't help but sigh in happiness and grab them from Will's hands.

"Oh I love tulips. You're a smart guy, if you had brought lilies I would've bashed you over the head with them." I said with a smile, hating every man that brought me lilies just because they were my name.

Will, expecting more heavier objects to be thrown at him, cautiously walked in behind me as I flitted around finding a vase and water for them.

"I wanted to apologize for how I acted yesterday. I was just so frustrated and I took it out on you." Will rambled, his eyes softening as he looked at me.

I looked up from smelling the flowers, seeing his expression full of regret.

Suddenly seeing his face sent me into a dizzying spin of emotions; empathy, love, pain, regret, sadness, hurt, the works.

"Lilly?" Will asked after a moment of my silence.

"You were right." I found myself saying, unable to look at him let alone be in the same room. "We did need to talk."

I didn't have to look up and see Will's face, I could feel his shock from where I stood.

"I, uh, okay I guess." He murmured softly, his hand finding mine as he led me to the couch.

Nothing broke the empty silence for a few moments, neither one of us really sure what to do next.

"So the baby..." I started, assuming it was the reason he had come.

"I know like you said that I should be concerned about the baby as a soon to be father, putting my child first... but I'm more worried about you."

"I'm fine." Was my immediate reaction, those words being far from the truth.

"No you're not." Will challenged softly, knowing me better than anyone else in such a short period of time.

"You know me Will, you know I'm scared. I'm not ready for this kid and I certainly wasn't ready to see you with that who-, girl." I explained, holding back my hormones for the sake of Will.

I could see the appreciation in his eyes mixed with something distant as he looked away for a moment.

"I know, and I shouldn't be with her, not while you're going through all of this. I mean, I know you cut me out of your life but I should be here for you."

I bit my lip, twiddled my thumbs, and began playing connect the dots with the freckles on my arm in an attempt not to look at Will, but he continued anyway.

"I promised I'd be there for you no matter what and here I am in all my hypocrisy. I'm going to make it up to you Lilly." Will assured me, putting his hand comfortingly on mine.

"Uh... Will really, you're not obligated to anything-" I said, getting cut off.

"Yes I am! This may have been accidental that you and me are going to be parents but you've stepped up to the plate and so must I."

I stared at the skinny boy who suddenly looked less like a seventeen year old and more like a twenty-two year old father to be.

"I'm... I... what the hell are you saying?" I asked Will, giving up on sounding like I was in control of the situation.

"I'm saying Lilly," Will began, grabbing my hands. "You're top priority now."

Those few little words meant so much when I thought about all the things Will had on his plate and knowing that I came first over all of them.

"Lilly I... I wanted to ask you something." Will said nervously, fidgeting in his seat.

"I'm still not marrying you." I blurted out before I could think.

My words made his face turn from surprise, panic, to relief in a split second.

"I wasn't going to ask you that. I was going to ask if maybe... maybe you'd want to move in with me?"

If it was possible my heart dropped and beat faster at the same time.

Moving in with Will was a big step.

I had Shelby and Madi here and I depended on them as much as they did to me.

But Will... somewhere deep down it was like we needed each other more than anyone else did; we were both in the same boat.

"So... what do you say?" Will asked, tangling his fingers anxiously together.

I bit my lip. "I don't know Will... I mean what about Shelby... and Madi? I couldn't leave them. And it's such a big step from us being nothing to living together."

Will took a deep breath as I anticipated his answer.

"I know Lilly, I know. You've got baggage and I respect that. I'm not gonna force you to give me a cold answer just like that." He assured me though I could tell it was killing him.

"Thank you." I breathed, relieved there wasn't an impending expiration date on the offer.

He let a little smile slip, reassuring me a little more.

"Could you give me an answer soon though? I don't like this feeling of me worrying about your decision." He explained, his voice cracking slightly.

I nodded and watched as my hand acted of its own accord and reached forward to brush a lock of hair from his face.

In that little moment of contact a part of me still wanted to rush forward and kiss him, hold him, and never let go.

The same look of wanting was in Will's eyes too.

For a second we sat their before we began leaning closer and closer to each other.

Our lips had just touched when his phone began to ring.

On the caller i.d. that I caught a glimpse of it read Stacy, a name I knew hadn't been there before and somehow belonged to the blonde.

Will sighed and glanced at me before answering it.

"Hello?" He asked tonelessly.

For a few seconds there was silence with the exception of a high pitched girly voice obviously pissed off.

"Look I'm sorry, I forgot we had plans. I'm kind of in the middle of something." Will replied, glancing at me with a tired pleading look of 'save me'.

His reply was followed by more of the same voice.

"Yes it's pretty damn important, I don't see why I have to tell you where I am at all times." Came his exasperated answer.

Once again her voice cut through the air with such distinction that I cringed.

My hormones took over and before Will could answer her I grabbed the phone and pressed it to my ear.

"He said it was important, that means hang up and chill out." I said simply, no edge in my voice or anything as I hung up.

The look on his face was a mixture of surprise, relief, and happiness.

"Thank you." He breathed, shoving the phone into his very tight pants.

That was the last thing he said as we both went back to the awkwardness.

"Well, uh, I'm glad you came over." I said a little too loudly, standing up.

"Yeah I am too. Do you think we could meet up again Tuesday?" He asked, setting the appointment a day from now.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll have an answer for you by then."

A flicker of a smile crossed his face as we got to the door.

Both of us hugged and then, pulling away out of instinct leaned forward to kiss, stopping short as the situation popped back in our minds.

As if things weren't tense enough we had that moment to add to the list.

Abruptly Will pulled away and slipped out the door leaving me in my empty apartment.