Obliques

Tiny flecks of snow trickle down the sky. It's hardly noticeable. Word goes around that we will be camping soon. I try to occupy my mind by counting the snowflakes. I don't want to think about... my match. I shiver at the thought. We enter the forestry and set up camp. I go around helping people nearby with their tents. It gets dark out. The men try building a fire to warm the area. I join Ame to look for pieces of wood. I struggle to lift my legs.

"Um," I speak up, "Are you and Tilt together?"

I'm not sure why I'm asking.

She looks back at me, picking up some old logs, "Yeah. So hands off."

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that," I correct her, feeling mortified.

She giggles at me, "I'm just joking with you."

I sigh with relief, and crouch down to heave a mossy log out the dirt.

"So, you're like matches?" I question.

She nods, "Yeah, but we've known our whole lives."

"How?" I knit my brows together.

"Well, here, everyone has a match. Parents usually find their newborn's match and set them together. It's just easier and safer, I guess."

"What would happen if you didn't find your match?" I keep my questions coming.

I'm agitated and just need answers, though I've already decided to forget about Kier being my match.

She looks at me weird, as if I should know these things, but she answers anyway.

"You go crazy."

"Crazy?"

Ame and I walk back and drop the logs in the pile by the fire.

"Well, it starts off with match pains. If you go too long without your match, your body starts to decline," she tells me.

"I don't get it... Why would our bodies decline?"

She pulls my arm, leading me back in the woods.

"You don't know?" she lowers her voice.

I shake my head, "All I know is that the Cygnus predestines everyone's matches to keep getting Perfects and we are just imperfect, so they discard us."

She sits us down and grabs a small bag of nuts. She shares them with me.

"The whole matching system is more complex than that," she explains, "I'm going to have to educate you on this. It's dangerous if you don't know this."

"How's it dangerous?"

"Basically, if you don't find your match, you're setting yourself up for self-destruction," she says, chewing. "Every single person on the earth is made to be matched with another person. There are four temperaments. You can only be matched with someone of the same temperament as you. Sanguines are pleasure seeking and sociable types of people, like me and Tilt. Cholerics are leader-like or ambitious, kind of like you. Melancholics are analytical and quiet, while Phlegmatics are relaxed folks. Depending on your temperament, you'll experience different match pains. Like me, when Tilt goes to work all day and I don't see him, I can get really depressed and cold. Sometimes, my lips turn blue, and it'll be a hot temperature outside."

I bite my lip. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

"H-how can that happen just because you haven't seen your match in a day?"

She raises a brow at me, "You're so innocent!"

"What?" I ask, defensive.

"I meant, like, to get physical. Match pains can only be appeased when you get physical with your match. The pain mainly serves as an urgency to reproduce, and the only way to reproduce is to have sex."

I make a face as though she stabbed me, which only makes her laugh. I think of Isa...

"You're asking, so you haven't found your match yet?" she asks in turn.

"No," I answer quickly.

"Hm. You'll have to, soon-"

"I don't want to."

"But, Sage, you'll be in pain until it kills you. You and your match."

"I don't care," I say looking straight ahead.

Ame sighs, "You've been getting them, huh?"

I sink my teeth on my bottom lip.

"It starts with your body temperature changing," she warns me, "Then it's the breathlessness and your insides contract. It just keeps getting worst."

She pauses after finishing her snack.

"After my mother died from an illness, I had to watch my father suffer for days. He went mad. He took lots of drugs to lift the pain, but they never worked. He'd even cut himself with a knife. Him and others like him. My father and other matchless people are thrown out of the village, before they can hurt anyone. I was young at the time, I never understood. He died not long after," she says, "So, even though we all want to against the Cygnus, we can't."

Her words leave me heavy. That's why they tell me what I'm doing is dangerous. I'm not the only person who'll suffer... Kier...

"Ugh!" I let out.

I frazzle my hands in my hair. I think I'm already going mad. All those unexpected heat waves and sudden panic attacks... Those moments when I couldn't breathe with my lungs... It's just going to get worse. If I've been getting these pains, it means that he's been getting them too.

I remember what he told me when he first saw my wristlet. He said I'm just making it easier for the Cygnus... By not conforming, I'm just killing myself... and him. So it's true. There is no freedom. We're born to self-destruct. The only way out is through the Cygnus.

"Why are we fighting, if there's nothing to fight for?" I ask, tears brimming.

"We fight because we can," Ame says, "To show them that we're not easily killed."

I shake my head, "I just want to run away."

"All you're doing is changing your address. If your home is constantly being attacked, wouldn't you fight back?" she challenges.

When will the fight end? And when it does, who wins?

Most of us are asleep in our tents. I walk around with pouches of water, offering some to families that need extra supply. I feel some pain in my side. My wound was healing fine, but I've been on my feet too long, making it hurt. I rub my tired eyes. I decide that if I busy myself, then I'll forget about everything.

A firm hand yanks me away from my direction. I flip my eyes up and see Kier.

"You should go sleep," he says, though it sounds more like an order.

I frown fiercely, "I'm not even tired."

"I was watching you. You can't even walk straight."

Why are you watching me? I thought. He pulls me and walks ahead.

"People need water," I argue, trying to pull back.

"When last you drank water?" he inquires, in the harshest way.

I open my mouth to answer back, but I don't have one. My silence only satisfies him, because now he's right and I'm wrong. I can even see his smug smile. He's dripping with pride; it's disgusting.

"You're sleeping here tonight," he says.

He pulls me into his tent. Despite the small lantern on the ground, it's very dim inside. I watch him pull out an extra furry blanket for me.

"I'll go sleep with Ame instead," I twist around towards the exit.

His deep voice stops me in my tracks.

"I said you're sleeping here, tonight."

I grit my teeth together.

"I'm not a soldier anymore, so stop commanding me!"

He grabs me, suddenly pulling me towards him. Our eyes meet and there are barely any inches between us. I freeze, feeling his heavy breath on my clammy skin.

"I don't like it, when you argue with me," he says, stern.

I want to talk back at him, but my lips are sewn shut. His hard hands let me go, leaving a burning sensation behind. He then leaves the tent. I cower down to the blanket, cursing at the air.