Saturday

I used to hate hospitals more than anything else in the world. I remember crying and feeling depressed everytime I needed to go for check ups, for several injuries I got while playing soccer or for visiting sicks members of my family.

I also didn't feel comfortable being surronded by sick people. It never is pleasant to be around people coughing their lungs out right next to you. You just get scared that you'll catch an illness and that you'll get sick for the rest of your life.

It also broke my heart seeing young children who were stuck to their beds all day long and who would probably never turn 18. They would never get to do all the things kids their age should be doing. They didn't deserve what was happening to them, life can be so unfair.

It breaks your heart seeing all those families bursting out into tears after they learned one of their relatives would die in a matter of months. I've cried multiple times seeing parents cry as doctors announced them bad news about their baby child.

I thought I would never get pass that horrible feeling I had towards any kind of hospitals or health institutions. But sometimes, life decides to change your destiny forever. Like I said, life tends to be very unfair.

After a little over a year of visiting my older brother, hospitals didn't bother me anymore. I didn't get sick feelings in my stomach anymore. They almost became like a second home.

My name is Luke and I'm eighteen years old. My twenty years old brother is ill. He's been diagnosed with major schizophrenia and depression when he was eighteen years old.

My parents tried to take care of him the best they could, but it became too hard to handle. It broke their hears, but they had to do it for my brother's heath and for their own sanity. I was mad at them when they took their decision, but time made me understand that i was the right thing to do.

They placed in this mental institute for young adults in Sydney called Polar Inc. Since then, I've been visiting him every Saturday afternoon at 1PM. I never missed a single visit. Even when I was sick, I would show up. Even when I got a call from a Doctor telling me it wasn't a good day to visit Ben, I would still show up. I just couldn't abandon my brother when he needed me the most.

I was basically all he had. My parents visited him the first few weeks after he was admitted in Polar inc. But he was too hard for them, so they stopped visiting him. They would still call him or they would take news from me.

Ben's friends never visited him. Some were scared, some just never heard about what happened to him. Ben also didn't have friends in the institude. He had one friend, Josh. But Josh got better and was sent back home. He never came back to visit Ben, not even once.

I could not be mad at them for not visiting him anymore. Even myself found it hard. There are days where Ben would just be happy, like the Ben I remembered from years ago. You couldn't even tell that he was sick.

But there were days where he would be in major crisis. He would keep saying people wanted to kill him. He would yell, he would punch and he would hurt himself. His crisis could last one hour like they could last for months.

It is hard for a 18 years old boy to go through this. My family kept telling me that I should quit visiting him every week, that it was only hurting more than actually making me feel good. I guess they were right, but I knew I would feel even worst if I abandonned Ben. I couldn't give up on family. Family must stick together no matter what.

That's why I found myself visiting him for the second time that month. It was Saturday and the clock ticked 1PM. When I entered Ben's room, his face brightened. I knew that he always was happy to see me, even if it didn't always show.

''You came,'' Ben said.

''I promised you to come back every week, and I'll never break my promise Ben,'' I replied.

There never was much to do when I visited him. Sometimes, we would just talk for hours until I had to leave. I sometimes brought some board games and music. Ben and music always made one.

''Anything new? How are you feeling today?'' I asked.

''Nothing, same thing every week. Oh, there is this new nurse,Nancy. She took Trish's place since she was pregnant. I miss Trish, Nancy is kind of an asshole. She is an ugly bitch while Trish was kind of sexy,'' Ben replied angrily.

That was another thing about Ben's state. His vocabulary wasn't what you called sweet and nice. That was nothing to do with the things he said when he was in crisis. But you can't argue with Ben, you just have to be nice with him and use nice words.

''I'm sure she's not that bad,'' I replied calmly. He always used to calm down when I speak calm to him, but this time was different.

''You don't know her, Luke. I'm telling you she is a fat ugly bitch who probably never had sex in her whole life. And she's like 50 years old. I hate her,'' Ben said harshly.

His words were like sharp tiny knives. It was the same thing week after week, but I got used to it. I could not do much about it even if I wanted to.

I didn't reply. I just grabbed one of his hands and caressed it until he was calm again. He appreciated my touch. In fact, I've always been the only who could touch him without him getting mad. He wasn't exactly a gift for the nurses and Doctors.

Once I felt he was calm, I spoke again.

''Do you want to listen to some music? I brought some All Time Low and Blink-182,'' I proposed.

''Do you have Put up or Shut up from ATL?'' Ben asked.

''Of course,'' I replied. ''I know it is your favorite.''

I stood up from his bed and put the CD in the small radio on his desk. I turned up the volume, not too loud because it would disturb everybody.

As Coffee Shop Soundtrack started, Ben already had a massive smile on his face and was singing along to it. Music was his wasteland, it always has been. I loved seeing him that way: happy and himself.

I sang along with him and that's what we did until we were interrupted by a young boy who didn't look a day older than twenty.

''Hey Ben, I heard music. Good music taste dude!'' The young boy with dirty blonde curly hair said.

''Oh hey Ash! Yeah, my brother Luke here brought it for me,'' Ben replied.

''Oh so that's your brother Luke, he's cute,'' The young boy said as if I wasn't even in the room. He also was cute, but I would not tell.

''Yeah, he's my brother after all,'' Ben said, punching my shoulder a little bit too roughly. ''Did you need anything? If not can you leave.''

''Eum, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out with me, but since your brother is here, I'll talk to you later. Bye Ben! Eum, bye Luke!'' The young boy said happily before leaving the room.

Who was that young boy? It was the first time I saw him around there. Polar Inc. wasn't the biggest hospital, so I got to know most of the patients here. And that guy, I've never seen him before.

''Who was that?'' I asked my brother.

''Oh that was Ashton. A friend, I guess. He can be freaking annoying but he is cool. He got admitted a few days ago for bulimia and depression, something like that. I don't really care honnestly,'' Ben answered.

Ashton, interesting name.

''He doesn't seem depressed,'' I pointed out.

''Medication can work magic. Anyway, you seem pretty interested in him. I'm pretty sure you just want to suck his-,'' Ben said.

''Stop that, Ben,'' I cut him off. ''This isn't funny.''

''Well, I think it is,'' Ben said laughing.

''I'm going to go now okay? I'll see you next week okay?'' I asked.

''Already? Eum, okay. Can I keep the CD, please?'' He answered.

''Yeah, I'll ask the nurse at the front desk,'' I replied. ''Take care okay? I love you.''

''I love you too Luke, thanks for coming,'' he said back.

I gave Ben one last hug and headed to the front desk. The nurse first didn't agree to let Ben keep the album, but she agreed after I insisted too much. I didn't see how a CD could be a danger for Ben. It wasn't a gun, it was just an album of his favorite band.

''See you next week, Mr Hemmings,'' she said.

''See you, Ms Lang,'' I replied smiling.

I was happy that Ben finally made a friend. Maybe it would help him get better. I remembered how great he felt when he hang with Josh. Maybe that Ashton guy would make him feel better.

I couldn't tell why, but I was intrigued by Ashton. He caught my attention with his curly hair and his cute smile. I wanted to know more about him and I intented to do it when I would visit my brother the next Saturday.