Status: Active <3

Saturday

Chapter 13

As days went by, I was filled with so much regrets. A couple of weeks before, I was absolutely certain that I wanted to die, that it was the best solution to put an end to my sadness and my guilt. I was convinced that it was the only choice that I had, but I was wrong. I felt guilty for wanting to leave this world. I felt bad towards my family. Even though my parents and I were not as closed as we used to be, killing myself would have destroyed them. Even though we were going through a rough time, I knew they still loved me and cared about me.

When the doctors felt like I was stable enough to have visitors, my mother came to visit me. My father did not want to see me at first. It wasn't because he hated me, it was because he felt like he was the one who led me to swallow all those pills. He felt like he would have been responsible of my death. He thought he was an awful and horrible father. When my mother came to visit me, she apologized for both my father and her's attitude and comportment. She was crying and told me how happy she was to know that I would be okay. She realized that things needed to change. She realized that our future couldn't look and be like our past.

My mother and I tried to work things out. I could not say mad at her forever. In the end, she was still my mother. I didn't how things went at home, but I knew that my mother and him decided to cancel the divorce and that they would try to go back to where they used to be. It wouldn't be easy, but I was confident that they could do it. And things sure seemed to be better already when my mother came back to visit me a few days after along with my father. I was so happy to see him. I needed my father even though we have been going through rough times a couple of weeks before. I needed him to know that things were going to be okay, and I knew they would.

For the first time in forever, my parents gave Ben a visit which didn't last long because he refused to talk to them or even look at them. The only thing he told them was how he hated them for abandonning him for such a long period of time and how he did not consider them as family anymore. He didn't want them to suddenly feel guilty for theiir behavior, it was too late for that. My parents understood Ben's point of view, they knew they haven't been the best parents in the world for him. At least, they gave it a try and I was proud of them. Maybe Ben would come along with time.

Speaking of Ben, he was also very pissed at me. He was mad at me for trying to leave this world. He needed me and he did not want to lose me. I basically was everything that he had and I felt stupid for trying to abandon him. He was my brother and we were supposed to always be there for each other and I almost broke that promise in that bathroom on that night where everything could have ended. Thankfully, he forgave me and made me promised to never attempt again. After that day, we hung out at least once a day.

I also had regrets about my attempt because of my boyfriend. I felt guilty because I realized that Ashton and I needed each other more than I have ever imagined we did. We both perfecty completed each other, we were like two puzzle pieces that were meant to fit together. I was so stupid for wanting to leave this world for a better place. I was so dumb for wanting to leave Ashton and never come back. At that time, I did not realize that my better place was by his side. Everything always was easier and better when I was with my lovely and amazing Ashton. He was my everything better plan, my neverland. He was my escape from reality. I should have come to him when I felt like giving up. I shouldn't have take the easiest option. It was selfish of me.

Ashton has been so supportive. We would spend almost the entirety of our free-time together. Even though it wasn't the best place to spend time with him, I still was happy to have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with him. We no longer had to see each other only a couple of hours per week. Ashton was keeping me sane. I did not have any more urges to kill myself even though this place made me feel sick. I hated being stuck in this building where you could hear people yelling and crying everyday. It was a very dreary place to be. I didn't understand how Ben and Ashton could have stayed in there for such a long time, they were even stronger than I thought they were.

My relationship with Ashton was only going for the best. There wasn't a single time where we fought or argued. Everything was so loving and perfect between us. There sure were days where I wished Ashton and I could have been on our own to be more intimate and close to each other. We were always surronded by other patients or by the staff. But I still was grateful that I got to see him everyday. I was happy to see his beautiful smile everyday, to hug him multiple times a day and to kiss him everytime I had the opportunity to. Ashton was my true love, I was one hundred percent convinced of that.

Today was a sad but happy day, mostly for Ashton. It was the day where he finally was allowed to leave Polar Inc. and go back to his normal life. He was finally going to be free. I was so happy for him, he deserved it. But I was going to miss having him by my side every single day of the week. But I knew it only was a matter of time until I also would be set free. Nothing could ever seperate us.

It's Ashton who was the saddest to leave. He didn't want to leave without me. He talked to the doctors and tried to convince them to let him stay until I would also be free, but they denied his wish. To be honnest, I thought that Ashton was scared to get back in the real world. He was afraid that his demons might get back to him, that wr would be weak again. But I knew he was going to be okay. The Ashton Irwin I knew was strong and courageous.

Ashton was going to stay with his parents until he would save enough money to buy or rent a place for himself. And when I would be done with school, I would move in with him and have the perfect life we were meant to have.Ashton wasn't happy to stay with them, but he did not have any other choice. It only was a matter of months until he would not have to talk to them ever again and that him and I would finally be together forever. I could not wait.

"I don't want to leave," Ashton said sadly as he finished packing his few belongings.

"Don't be sad Ash, it's a good day for you. You're finally free and soon, it will also be my turn," I replied as I took him in a hug.

"I'm going to miss seeing your pretty little face everyday," Ashton said.

"Me too, but hey? This isn't goodbye. We are going to see each other again soon baby," I mentionned.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just so scared, Luke. I'm afraid of the world out there. I'm afraid to break down again. I got used to having you with me to make me feel better and I'm afraid that being away from you will make me weak," he said.

"You will be okay Ashton. You'll need to be strong, not only for me but also for you. You're my warrior and you'll get through this. This is nothing compared to all the things you've been through. You are going to be just fine and I'll never be so far away. I'll always be in your heart or just a phonecall away," I replied.

"I love you so much Luke Hemmings," Ashton said.

"I love you even more, Ashton Irwin," I added.

I was about to kiss him when a nurse interupted our cute moment. That is what I was talking about when I said that Ashton and I never got our own intimity. There were always people around us, we never were on our own.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, but your parents are here, Mr. Irwin. It's time for you to go. We are all so proud of all the progress you've done while you were in here. We all hope you have an a amazing life. I'm going to give Mr. Hemmings and you a few minutes to say goodbye. I'll be back in a few to take you to your parents," she said.

Ashton and nodded and started crying, also making me cry. I could not help myself. Everytime I saw Ashton hurt, it hurt me twice more. That was what my love for him could do to me.

''I-I don't want to go. I'm so afraid of what my parents will s-say or do. Like... I haven't seen them in m-months. They'll p-probably think I'm a loser or something. They'll be ashamed that I'm their s-son,'' Ashton said.

''I understand that you're scared baby. B-But, you're going to be okay? I know you will be. If your parents ever c-cause you pain, just call me okay? I'll always be there for you, that's what I do best. I know that things are going to be alright for you,'' I replied.

''Okay, I hope that you are right Lukey. I'll call you everyday, I promise. If I don't, I-I'll miss you too much,'' Ashton added.

''You better do, because I'll miss you even more,'' I replied.

Ashton laughed; his laugh was the sweetest melody to me. I pressed my lips to his, kissing him tenderly. There was nothing passionnate about that kiss, it simply was the best type of kiss in my opinion: a sweet and tender one. I wished it could have last longer but of course, the nurse had to come back and put and end to it.

''It's time to go, Mr.Irwin,'' she said.

Ashton nodded gave me one last hug. He was shaking, he was a nervous wreck. I hugged him tighter, trying to calm him. I was worried, but I knew that Ashton was strong. It was just another step on his path to be perfectly fine.

''I'll see you on Saturday,'' Ashton whispered in my ear

''I can't wait,'' I replied.

Ashton grabbed his suitcase and followed the nurse out of the room. He looked at me one last time before he was gone. I already was missing him, but I knew that I was going to hear the sound of his voice again soon and that I would see his pretty face again on the upcoming Saturday. It was just a small good bye. It never was going to be a farewell, I was not going to let that happen.

Saturday: my favorite day of the week. On that day, I met a timid and fragile boy who had no hopes and faith in life. On that day, I met a guy that intrigued me more than anybody else that I have met before. It's on a Saturday that I realized how amazing that boy was and how fast I got attached to him. It's on a Saturday that I found out that I had a massive crush on that timid boy. It's on a Saturday that I first kiss that boy and where our love story began.

A lot has happened since Ashton and I first met. He wasn't the vulnerable guy he used to be. He sure still had his downs, but he was way more confident and happier now. He was on his way to have the life he deserved. He didn't give up, he fought the best that he could. Ashton was my hero, a model to me. I was so proud of him. I was so proud to call him my boyfriend, to know that he was mine. And that feeling of pride was going to last for a lifetime. It was just the beginning.