Status: Active <3

Saturday

Chapter 3

Luke's P.O.V.

Each Saturday of each month, there was a special therapy session where the patients were asked to have someone who knows them well by their side. Just like usual, I was by Ben's side. I didn't feel forced to be there, I wanted to be. I wanted to be there for him.

We were around 20 persons sat in circle in the familiar room where group thereapy was held. Every one had someone by their side wheter it was their mom, their dad, their brother, their sister, their friend. Everybody had a special someone by their side, but one.

Ashton, the guy I met the previous week, was on his own. He had nobody next to him. Maybe he didn't know he had to bring someone since was new in the institute. I felt kind of sad seeing everyone had mental support but him. Dr.Mullins didn't seem to be happy about this situation as he took place in the circle.

''Mr. Irwin, care to ask why nobody's here with you today?'' Dr.Mullins asked.

''Nobody could make it. Well, more like nobody cared enough about me to show up,'' Ashton replied sadly.

''I'm sure that's not true, are you sure you contacted them?'' Dr. Mullins wondered.

''I'm telling you the truth okay? You don't me, you don't know my story. I'm telling you, nobody cares about me,'' Ashton answered harshly.

''Okay, we'll discuss more about this after the session,'' Dr.Mullins said sadly.

All I wanted to do was seat on the chair next to Ashton. I wanted to hug and make him feel like he wasn't alone because nobody should feel that way. I didn't understand how his family could abandon him like that. How could they just abandon their son like that? It pissed me off more than anything.

''Okay guys, thanks for coming and welcome to our monthly group therapy. For those who don't know me, I'm Dr.Mullins. Today, we'll focus on qualities and goals. So, I'm going to ask each relatives and friends to tell us two qualities about the patient they're here for along with one goal they wish they could accomplish,'' Dr. Mullins explained.

So one by one, the relatives told qualities about the patients. The qualities that came out the most were courageous, persevering and funny. You could see that all the relatives cared about their loved ones. It then was my turn to speak.

''So hello, my name is Luke. I'm Ben's younger brother. Eum, I think Ben is an artistic guy. He never fails to amaze me with his drawing and musical skills. You guys should see the portrait he did of me a few weeks ago, it's awesome. I'm not being very original here, but Ben is very persevering. He's a fighter and I'm very proud of him. I'm proud to call him my brother. One thing I wish he could accomplish is to control more the things he say. It sometimes can be really funny, but it can be too much other times,'' I said.

Ben gave me a warm smile and I smiled back. I truly was proud to be his little brother even though it wasn't always easy to be around him. I knew I would love him until the end, because family is stronger than anything.

''Thanks Luke,'' Dr. Mullins said. ''Well, that leaves us to you, Ashton. Since nobody is here with you today, I'm going to ask you to answer the questions by yourself.''

''There's nothing good about me,'' Ashton replied sadly.

''Don't say that, there sure are things you love about yourself,'' Dr.Mullins insisted.

''Stop insisting. I know there is nothing good about me. I'm just a bullimic depressed 18 years old guy who tried to kill himself and who can't wait to attempt again once he gets out of this place,'' Ashton said sadly.

It was painful to hear his words. It was painful to see someone my age hating himself that much. It hurt to hear him say the only thing he wanted was to die. I didn't know much about him, but I found myself care about him. I couldn't just sit there and do nothing.

''Well, I think you're a very brave guy. I don't know what you've been through, but you're brave for going through all of this. You're brave to sit in this room and tell your true feelings. I admire that. Don't say there's nothing good about you. You're a beautiful young adult who has issues, but you have qualities. You deserve to be here, you just need to fight until you win the battle,'' I said.

I stood up from my seat so I could take the one next to Ashton. I took him in a hug and he hugged back crying. So I just held him tighter.

''Y-You really meant that?'' He wondered sadly.

''Of course, Ashton,'' I replied.

''Thank y-you,'' he whispered.

Everybody was watching us as we hugged and nobody was speaking. It felt kind of akward but I didn't mind. All I wanted to do was to make Ashton feel better about himself and show him that he wasn't alone, that I was there for him. Ashton pulled from the hug a few minutes later when he was done crying.

''Those were really nice words, Luke. Thank you,'' Dr.Mullins said.

''It's a pleasure, I meant every single one of them,'' I replied.

So I spent the rest of the session by Ashton's side so he would feel like he wasn't alone. Ben seemed annoyed, but I knew he would understand. He just hated when I gave my attention to someone else when he was in the room. But at the moment, Ashton needed me more than Ben.

Ben didn't have to worry about having visitors. He knew I would show up every week like I did for over a year. I couldn't say the same about Ashton. By the way he spoke, I doubted that his family visited him after he was admitted in Polar Inc. Nobody should be alone, mostly in Ashton's situation where he needed support.

I remembered the first weeks after my brother was admitted in the institute. They were rough weeks for him. His situation was already difficult, he now had to live with loneliness. He didn't have his family around him all the time anymore. I remembered how much he would cry the first times I visited him.

Ashton has only been in the institute for two weeks. The first two weeks were the hardest for Ben, so I understood how painful it must have been for Ashton to have nobody. He tried to kill himself after all, he needed to know people cared.

When therapy finally ended, everybody stood up and said their goodbyes, but Ashton. He remained on his seat so I decided that I would hang with him a little.

''Want to hang out a little Luke? Visits' hours are not over yet,'' Ben said.

''Eum, sure. I'll meet you in your room in five minutes,'' I replied.

Ben smiled and left the room, leaving Ashton and I alone.

''You don't have to stay,'' Ashton said. ''I'm used to be alone.''

''I want to stay. I didn't introduce myself properly yet,'' I replied. ''As you know, I'm Luke. I'm 18 and I've been visiting my brother in here for a year. I play the guitar and I sing.''

''Eum, I'm Ashton. I'm also 18. Eum...'' Ashton said.

''You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to,'' I assured him.

''Thank you,'' he replied.

''You're welcome,'' I said smiling.

Ashton looked so sad. I wished I could put a smile back on his face. I remembered the smile he gave me the previous week when he said I was cute. Was he just wearing an happiness mask?

''You look older than 18,'' Ashton mentionned.

''Yeah, people keep telling me that,'' I replied laughing.

''I-I know you should be with your brother and I don't want to annoy you...but I really feel like letting everything out. You're the first to actually care about since I got in here...'' Ashton said nervously.

''Sure, tell me anything you want, Ashton,'' I replied.

''Why is life s-so unfair?'' he asked sadly. ''Why does life seem to be so easy for the majority while it is horrible for some people like me? My whole life is a mess. All I-I do never seems to be good enough. I'm just a big failure everybody hates. Everybody wishes I was different. People wish I wasn't gay. They wish I was a joyful guy who does sport and enjoys life. But that isn't me. Nobody understands me, Luke. It j-just hurt to always be a loser in the eyes of my family. I don't have friends, nobody wants to h-hang with me because I'm a fat ugly gay loser who cuts and who makes himself throw up''

''I know life is unfair Ash. You don't deserve any of this. I know this won't make things better, but I think you're perfect just the way you are. It doesn't matter if you're gay or not, that you do sports or not...you're just beautiful you. I know the critics must hurt, but you need to try to ignore them. I know, it's easier said than done, but you need to try. You need to try to focus on the positive comments and forget about the bad ones that will only bring you down,'' I replied.

''Nobody ever tells me nice things, how could I focus on them when nobody sees good in me? How can I focus on compliments when all I hear are critics and insults?'' Ashton wondered.

''Focus on my words. First of all, like I said in therapy, you're a brave guy. Just keep fighting, you can win your battle. I also think that you're a great looking guy. As a gay guy myself, I think you have pretty eyes and nice curly hair that looks so soft. I also think that you have the cutest smile I've ever seen. Finally, you're worth it. You may not believe it, but you are worth it,'' I answered, making Ashton cry.

''You're so s-sweet Luke, t-thanks,'' Ashton said.

''I'm only speaking the truth,'' I replied.

I took him in my arms once again. I hoped that he believed the words I said. I hoped that one day, he would realize that he's a great person with beautiful qualities and features. I hoped he would stop hurting and that he would find happiness.

''I have an idea!'' I exclaimed.

''What is it?'' He wondered.

''Well, I visit my brother every Saturday. What if I started to show up earlier so I could spend some time with you before I hang with Ben? I would love spending some time with you. Would you like that?'' I proposed.

''You would do this for me? He wondered happily.

''Of course Ashton,'' I answered smiling. I lightly kissed his temple to give him a little more affection.

''I would love that, so much. I feel so lonely in here. T-Thanks for caring, Luke,'' he said.

''I'll talk with the nurses and see if they can add me on your visitors' list. For now, I'm going to go hang with Ben. He must be getting very impatient. But I'll see you next Saturday okay?'' I said.

''Sure, eum, see you next week,'' he replied nervously.

We stood up from our seats and hugged one last time before we went seperate ways. As I walked to Ben's room, I couldn't stop thinking about Ashton and how I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted to be the one to bring back a smile on his lovely face. I wanted to be the one to make him laugh. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted things to get better for him.

I barely knew him, but I found myself caring as much as I cared about Ben. He needed someone and I wanted to be this someone. I didn't want him to be alone anymore, and I was going to make sure he wouldn't be.
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since Flight K-35542 is over, I'm going to update Saturday more often!