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Saturday

Chapter 6

One month went by and it still was the same great routine. I would still visit my two favorite patients of Polar Inc. every Saturday and hang out with them for hours. Many things happened in a month.

My brother Ben had a huge crisis episode. He became violent with a nurse and he was transfered into intensive care where he was constantly supervise by nurses and therapists. He was certain that the nurse he attacked wanted to kill him and that only wanted to hurt him. He was transfered until he calmed down. Fortunately, he was allowded to go back to him room a few days later.

The news affected me a lot. It always made me feel sad to see that things weren't getting any better for Ben. I see many patients doing progress, but it wasn't Ben's case. Things are not progressing. I even thought that they were getting worst. I was scared that he would be stuck in that institute for a major part of his life, maybe all of it. I just wanted him to feel better and go back to a normal life. I wanted him to be happy. I would always be there for him, no matter what.

As for Ashton, things seemed to be going for the best. As far as I knew, he didn't have any other urges to make himself throw up. He told me that it was really hard to control himself but that he was motivated to get back on track. He had one thing that was motivating him, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. He was becoming happier as weeks went by and it really made me feel good. I believed that he would soon get out of this place.

Ashton and I were now very close friends. I knew everything about him, and he knew everything about me. I just enjoyed being around him and spending time with him. Plus, I could not stop thinking about him. He always was on my mind. Every night after I came back from school, I was hoping that he would call me and that we would talk for hours.

My crush on Ashton did not fade away during that month, it just got bigger and bigger as days went by. I was getting more emotionally attached to him whenever I would talk to him on the phone or whenever I would visit him. Visiting him was quickly becoming my favorite activity of the week and hearing his voice was turning to be the ray of sunshine of my days. I had fallen for Ashton.

How couldn't I fall for Ashton? Even though he had some major issues, he was perfect to me. I loved everything about him. He simply had an amazing personnality: respectuous, funny, sincere, honnest...the list could go on and on. Plus, he was handsome. I loved every feature about him: his curly dirty blonde hair, his gorgeous smile, his dimples, his eyes...everything.

I wanted to tell him how I felt, but I was scared. I was afraid that Ashton would not like me back and that it would ruin our great and strong friendship that we had. But, I could not help myself but think that he felt the same way about me. Maybe I was wrong, but I could feel that he also liked me more than a simple friend. I had to take the risk, it was worth it.

So, since I have always been very bad at expressing my feelings when it comes to love, I decided to write a long letter to Ashton in which I told him how I really felt about him. I gave it to him during my last weekly visit. It went like this:

Dear Ash,

I'm very nervous at the idea of giving you this letter, but I have too. There are things I've been wanting to tell you for a while and I thought it would be a great idea to write them all down for you to read them.

I won't lie, I care a lot about you Ashton. I haven't care about someone that much in the past. I always find myself thinking about you. I always want to spend time with you and hang out with you. I just want you to be happy all the time. I can't get you off my mind.

I got to know you those past weeks and I realized how amazing you are. You're an extraordinary guy, Ash. Even though you probably don't seem them, you have amazing qualities. You're such a good human being and I'm glad that I have you in my life. I'm happy that I got to know you better and that we're good friends now. You're an important part of my life now, and you''ll always be.

I'm very attached to you, Ash, probably more than I should be. It's crazy how I always want to be near you, how I need you. For weeks, I've been trying to figure all of this out...and I can't hide it anymore. I like you, Ash. I like you a lot. I know it's crazy, but I can't hide my feelings anymore. I needed you to know how I feel...that's why I wrote you this letter. I guess I just want to make you mine, and I want to be yours.

I know it might not be easy. We both live very different lives, but for you...I'm ready to do all it takes to make it work. Because you mean so much to me Ashton, more than you can imagine. I just really need you, I'm addicted to you. Do you think we could start something new between us two?

Think about it and give me an answer when you feel ready. I don't want to pressure you. Wheter it is a yes or a no, give me an answer when you reach a decision. I'll see you next week, Ash.

Your Lukey xxxx

A week passed and I didn't hear from Ashton at all. He didn't call me even once. I was scared that this letter ruined everything. I was afraid that it ruined everything. More than anything, I needed answers. That's why I found myself driving to the hospital on the next Satuday for our weekly rendez-vous.

I was nervous when I got to his room. Maybe he would chase me from his room. Maybe he wouldn't want to talk to me ever again. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Just like usual, Ashton was laying in his bed, reading. Reading became a way to fight his urges.

''Eum, hey,'' I spoke nervously, as I took a seat next to him.

''Oh, hi,'' he replied. ''I'm glad you're here.''

''Yeah, me too,'' I said sadly.

''What's wrong?'' Ashton wondered sadly.

''I just...I don't know...I thought you didn't want to see me ever again because of that letter I wrote you...'' I answered.

''That's not true, Lukey,'' Ashton assured me. ''I just needed to think about it, there were many things I needed to think about...I'm so sorry that I got you worried by not calling you this week. I needed time to think about stuff.''

''Like what?'' I asked.

''Well, I needed to question myself to figure out if I was ready to be in a relationship. I'm not very stable and maybe being with someone would just make it worst. I was also afraid because of my past experiences...I never had a real relationship before and I'm very afraid to let someone in again. I'm scared to get hurt again. Being in my state, I wouldn't be able to get through more pain,'' he explained.

''So...it's a no?'' I wondered sadly.

I had to respect his decision, but part of me was begging for him to say yes. I wanted him to be able to trust me. I would never hurt him. I just wanted him, I just wanted us to be happy together. But he thought it was a bad idea.

''Let me finish. So yeah, that's why I didn't call you at first. Because I was going to say no and I didn't want to hurt you. But days went by and I found myself missing you like crazy, Luke. You were all I could think about and I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice or feel your warmth by hugging you. I realized that you're the only person I want to be near by. I realized that you were the best thing that ever happened to me in years. Remember when I told you that something was motivating me to fight the urges? Well, I was talking about someone...I was talking about you, Luke,'' Ashton said.

He surprised me lightly planting his lips on mine. I couldn't believe it, I was so surprised that it took me a few seconds before kissing him back. It felt so good, better than I have imagined it. There were thousands of butterflies errupting in my stomach. It was the first time I felt something as amazing and powerful as that. Our lips were meant to be together, they fitted like two puzzle pieces. This was right, this was meant to be.

''Wow,'' I said happily when his lips left mine.

''Amazing,'' he replied smiling.

''I'm never going to hurt you, Ash. I really really like you,'' I said.

''I trust you Lukey, I trust you with everything in me. I really really like you too. I have known for a while that I liked you more than a friend. How couldn't I? You're so perfect. I was scared to tell you, I guess I had the same fears that you had. I was afraid that it could ruin everything and I didn't want to lose you. But then, I read your letter and I felt like the happiest boy in the entire world. I couldn't believe that you felt the same way. I'm sorry that it took me so long to push away my fears. But now, I know that I took the right decision. Being with you feels better than everything else. You're my Lukey and I like you,'' Ashton said.
''So, Ashton Irwin, will you be my boyfriend? I asked happily.

''Of course I will, Luke Hemmings,'' he replied.

I kissed him again, I couldn't get enough of his sweet lips. He kissed me back, placing one of his hand on my cheek. The kiss was a sweet and tender one. And there was going to be so many to come. I could not believe that Ashton was my boyfriend. Who would have thought that helping him in therapy would lead to this. It was simply perfect. I was his, and he was mine.

''This is so unreal,'' Ashton said smiling. ''This feels like a dream.''

''You're my dream,'' I replied. ''You're my perfect dream.''

''You're my paradise,'' he said.

And we kissed again. That's how we spent the rest of our time together: just kissing and cuddling, being happy to be with each other. I knew that it would become one of my favorite things to do with Ashton. This was how things were supposed to be. This felt right.

I knew that being in a relationship with him wouldn't be as easy as other relationships. We would only see each other once a week, but I knew we would make the most of it. We still had the phone, we would be able to call each other every single day. I knew that we could work this out. As long as we were together, nothing was impossible. It was him and me, it was us.

This was the beginning of something beautiful. This was the beginning of something powerful. Ashton and I were meant for each other and I glad that our lives collided. That guy who still was a stranger to me two months earlier, was now my boyfriend. He was now the most important person to me in the whole world.

''You're mine. You're my Lukey,'' Ashton whispered in my ear.

''I'm yours, and you're my Ash, forever,'' I replied.