Status: Active <3
Saturday
Chapter 8
Luke's P.O.V.
Heartbroken. That probably was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. I felt so empty, depressed and broken. I felt like all life was drained from my body. I felt dead. I was not living, I simply was existing and fighting to survive. I did not have any good reason to be happy. I did not have any purpose anymore. Ashton was my purpose, I trusted him with everything that I had in me. We made ourselves a promise to always be there for each other, no matter what happened. But Ashton couldn't keep that promise. He lied. He lied to me, he lied to himself and he lied to us.
I could not believe that Ashton could do something like that to me. Things were pefect between us. We were the cutest couple. There was not any drama or problems in our relationship. Everything was just fine. It was pure love and we both were geniunely happy. Why did he have to ruin everything? I was going to tell him that I loved him, but everything was ruined...all because he cheated on me by kissing another boy. I could not help myself but wonder if Ashton actually cheated on me the whole time that we were together. I did not have an answer to this question, and I probably never was going to.
Seeing the person you love kissing someone that isn't you...now words can explain how painful it can be. Ashton was supposed to be mine, I was supposed to be his. It was supposed to be us, there wasn't supposed to be anybody else. I could imagine my whole future with Ashton. I pictured us getting married, adopting kids and grow old together. I dreamed that one day, we could have our own musical career and make a living out of it. I had so many beautiful projects in mind for the both us, but none of them was going to take place anymore.
Three weeks passed since Ashton and I broke up and I was a mess. It was hard to stay away from him, but I needed to. Seeing him was only going to make things worst. After we broke up, Ashton kept calling me, but I would not answer any of his calls. He left multiple messages on the voicemail saying how sorry he was and that it wasn't what it looked like. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn't okay either. But that was his fault, he was the one who caused pain and sadness to the both of us. He was guilty.
Even though I didn't want to be around Ashton, I still had to go to Polar Inc. to visit Ben. Of course, Ashton would always try to talk to me but I would push him away, making him cry. It was already hard and painful to see his beautiful self that wasn't mine anymore. I did not need to add a conversation on top of that. I felt bad for making Ashton cry, but I had to do what was best for me. A part of me wanted to forget about it all, but I could not do that.
My brother was happy when he learned that my relationship with Ashton was over. He never liked the fact that we were dating. He was jealous and he wanted me entierely for himself. He didn't have to worry anymore. Ben was the only person I was going to visit at Polar Inc until he would ever get out of there. I was not going to visit Ashton anymore. What we had was over. He ended it the moment he pressed his lips on that boy's. He ended it at the moment where he did something with another guy only him and me were supposed to do.
There was not a single day that passed where I did not think about Ashton. With the multiple calls and messages left on the voicemail, it did not really help. A part of me hated Ashton for what he did to me, to us. He was the reason why we were not togehter anymore. I hated him for causing me pain and for breaking my trust. He was my everything, my paradise...and he ruined it. What he did was selfish and horrible. I thought that he loved me. He clearly did not if he was able to go being my back the way that he did. He did not care about me as much as I thought he did. I started that everything we shared was just a lie.
But a bigger part of me still loved him and cared about him. I could not stop loving him even though I tried. It would have made things so much easier if the feelings had faded away, but they did not. They stayed and I did not believe that they were going to leave anytime soon. It was impossible for me to forget the person that meant the most to me in the entire world. Ashton and I shared so many beautiful moments. We were very close. He was not just by boyfriend. He also was my best friend, my confident, my other half...my world.
Even though we were not together anymore, Ashton still meant a lot to me. I still cared about him and his physical and psychological health. I hoped that he was doing fine and that he did not give up on his way to getting better. I hoped that he did not let the urges win over him. I hoped that he stayed strong. I needed him to be strong. I could not wish him any bad. Even though what he did was pretty awful, Ashton still deserved to find happiness and peace in this world. It just was not going to be with me, unfortunately.
My friends at school did not want to hang around me anymore. At first, they accepted my depressed attitude and how I did not want to do anything. They tried to cheer me up and they stayed by my side to comfort me. But they soon had enough and they abandonned me. They left me on my own with my sad thoughts and my memories. At that moment, I started to understand how Ashton really felt. There was nothing worst than being on my own, with nobody to count on.
Before I met Ashton, he was that lonely guy who did not have anyone to talk to. He did not have anyone to give him affection and to show him kindness. And then, we got to know each other and I became that special someone. I wanted to be there for Ashton, night and day. I just wanted him to be happy. I was never going to let him down, because he didn't deserve to be alone. And mostly, I was not going to give up on him because I loved him with all my heart. But it turned out that he was not as alone as I thought he was. Even though I was not part of his life anymore, he still had that other guy to rely on.
I wished that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about all the little moments Ashton and I shared. I wished I could forget how perfectly his lips matched mine. I wished I could forget how amazing it was to hug him and have him in my arms. All those little things were hurting me...but even though they were...I was glad that they happened. If life did not get in our way, Ashton and I still would be sharing those little moments.
I was currently at home, laying in my bed and listening to music. That pretty much summed up what I did after school after Ashton and I broke up. I did not feel like doing anything else. I did not want to see anybody. I would only leave my room to eat, shower, go to school or go visit Ben. Even my parents had enough of my attitude and made it clear to me. They said that they did not want their boy to be all lazy and depressed. They did not know about the whole Ashton and I thing...and I certainly was not going to tell them.
Listening to music reminded me of Ashton and how similar our music taste was. There were songs that reminded me of him, of his smile and his beautiful voice. I would have killed to hear it all over again. When Therapy from All Time Low started playing, I bursted out into tears. It was Ashton's favorite song. He told me how much he could relate to this song. He said the lyrics were powerful and that they represented in his situation very well. I started singing along to the song, remembering that one time where Ashton and I spent our entire time together singing along to our favorite songs. It was one of my favorite memory.
I came back to reality when my phone rang. It was Ashton. It was the first time in three days that he was calling me. My ringtone was a montage of Ashton's laugh and my background was a picuture we tookk the day we first go together. I did not find the strenght to change them. I did not want to move on.
For the first time in weeks, I decided to finally answer the phone. I realized that we both deserved a conversation to talk about everything. It was time for us to be mature. I was time to face the truth once and for all.
''Hello Ashton,'' I said sadly.
''Oh, Mr. Hemmings, I'm glad you picked up the phone,'' someone who wasn't Ashton replied.
''Who's this?'' I asked.
''Oh, this is Nancy from Polar Inc.,'' she answered.
''Oh yeah hello,'' I replied. I was confused. Why was a nurse calling me?
''I have some pretty bad news,'' she said sadly.
''What? Did something happen to Ben?'' I wondered nervously.
My brother had his ups and downs at the institute, but it never was bad enough for the nurse to call me. I was beyond nervous and anxious. What happened to my big brother? He had to be okay...
''Your brother is just fine, Mr. Hemmings...I'm calling you because something bad happened to Mr. Irwin,'' she answered.
That was even worst. I felt my heart break all over again. I should have known that Ashton was not okay, I should not have given up on him. He was not alright. I should have answered his calls, I should have tried to make things better. My Ashton. Something bad happened to my Ashton and I felt guilty. I felt like this was all my fault and that I could have stopped it. But I did not.
''Wh-What?'' I wondered, crying.
''I-I'm supposed to give this information to family only, but since your the only person who visited me since he was admitted, I decided to call you. Ashton has been in the intensive unit for the past three days...'' she answered.
That explained why he did not try to contact me the three previous day. Something bad happened, I should have known that something bad happened. I felt so stupid.
''Wh-What did he do?'' I asked sadly.
''He tried to kill himself. I-I don't where he find it, but we found him unconscious in his bathroom with a blade in his hand. He cut to the point where he almost was out of blood. We found him at the right time and he is okay now, well physically. Mentally, nothing seems to be okay. I know you and Mr.Irwin are not in the best of terms, but you should come visit him. He always cries himself to sleep, screaming your name...I think he really needs you, Mr. Hemmings,'' Nancy answered.
''O-Okay I-I'll be there t-tommorow,'' I replied before hanging up the phone.
I did not want to believe what Nancy told me. This was the worst thing that could have happened. Ashton tried to kill himself. My beautiful Ashton wanted to take his life away and he almost succeeded. All his phone calls, they were calls for helps and I ignored them. I lost him once and I almost lost him a second time. I was not going to let life a third chance to take him away from. He needed me, just as much as I needed him.
Just like the previous nights, I cried myself to sleep with the image of the perfect guy wity dirty blonde curly hair. Only this time, I saw him crying. I saw him needing my help. I saw him suffering.
''I'm sorry, Ashton,'' I said to myself.
Heartbroken. That probably was the worst feeling that I have ever felt. I felt so empty, depressed and broken. I felt like all life was drained from my body. I felt dead. I was not living, I simply was existing and fighting to survive. I did not have any good reason to be happy. I did not have any purpose anymore. Ashton was my purpose, I trusted him with everything that I had in me. We made ourselves a promise to always be there for each other, no matter what happened. But Ashton couldn't keep that promise. He lied. He lied to me, he lied to himself and he lied to us.
I could not believe that Ashton could do something like that to me. Things were pefect between us. We were the cutest couple. There was not any drama or problems in our relationship. Everything was just fine. It was pure love and we both were geniunely happy. Why did he have to ruin everything? I was going to tell him that I loved him, but everything was ruined...all because he cheated on me by kissing another boy. I could not help myself but wonder if Ashton actually cheated on me the whole time that we were together. I did not have an answer to this question, and I probably never was going to.
Seeing the person you love kissing someone that isn't you...now words can explain how painful it can be. Ashton was supposed to be mine, I was supposed to be his. It was supposed to be us, there wasn't supposed to be anybody else. I could imagine my whole future with Ashton. I pictured us getting married, adopting kids and grow old together. I dreamed that one day, we could have our own musical career and make a living out of it. I had so many beautiful projects in mind for the both us, but none of them was going to take place anymore.
Three weeks passed since Ashton and I broke up and I was a mess. It was hard to stay away from him, but I needed to. Seeing him was only going to make things worst. After we broke up, Ashton kept calling me, but I would not answer any of his calls. He left multiple messages on the voicemail saying how sorry he was and that it wasn't what it looked like. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn't okay either. But that was his fault, he was the one who caused pain and sadness to the both of us. He was guilty.
Even though I didn't want to be around Ashton, I still had to go to Polar Inc. to visit Ben. Of course, Ashton would always try to talk to me but I would push him away, making him cry. It was already hard and painful to see his beautiful self that wasn't mine anymore. I did not need to add a conversation on top of that. I felt bad for making Ashton cry, but I had to do what was best for me. A part of me wanted to forget about it all, but I could not do that.
My brother was happy when he learned that my relationship with Ashton was over. He never liked the fact that we were dating. He was jealous and he wanted me entierely for himself. He didn't have to worry anymore. Ben was the only person I was going to visit at Polar Inc until he would ever get out of there. I was not going to visit Ashton anymore. What we had was over. He ended it the moment he pressed his lips on that boy's. He ended it at the moment where he did something with another guy only him and me were supposed to do.
There was not a single day that passed where I did not think about Ashton. With the multiple calls and messages left on the voicemail, it did not really help. A part of me hated Ashton for what he did to me, to us. He was the reason why we were not togehter anymore. I hated him for causing me pain and for breaking my trust. He was my everything, my paradise...and he ruined it. What he did was selfish and horrible. I thought that he loved me. He clearly did not if he was able to go being my back the way that he did. He did not care about me as much as I thought he did. I started that everything we shared was just a lie.
But a bigger part of me still loved him and cared about him. I could not stop loving him even though I tried. It would have made things so much easier if the feelings had faded away, but they did not. They stayed and I did not believe that they were going to leave anytime soon. It was impossible for me to forget the person that meant the most to me in the entire world. Ashton and I shared so many beautiful moments. We were very close. He was not just by boyfriend. He also was my best friend, my confident, my other half...my world.
Even though we were not together anymore, Ashton still meant a lot to me. I still cared about him and his physical and psychological health. I hoped that he was doing fine and that he did not give up on his way to getting better. I hoped that he did not let the urges win over him. I hoped that he stayed strong. I needed him to be strong. I could not wish him any bad. Even though what he did was pretty awful, Ashton still deserved to find happiness and peace in this world. It just was not going to be with me, unfortunately.
My friends at school did not want to hang around me anymore. At first, they accepted my depressed attitude and how I did not want to do anything. They tried to cheer me up and they stayed by my side to comfort me. But they soon had enough and they abandonned me. They left me on my own with my sad thoughts and my memories. At that moment, I started to understand how Ashton really felt. There was nothing worst than being on my own, with nobody to count on.
Before I met Ashton, he was that lonely guy who did not have anyone to talk to. He did not have anyone to give him affection and to show him kindness. And then, we got to know each other and I became that special someone. I wanted to be there for Ashton, night and day. I just wanted him to be happy. I was never going to let him down, because he didn't deserve to be alone. And mostly, I was not going to give up on him because I loved him with all my heart. But it turned out that he was not as alone as I thought he was. Even though I was not part of his life anymore, he still had that other guy to rely on.
I wished that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about all the little moments Ashton and I shared. I wished I could forget how perfectly his lips matched mine. I wished I could forget how amazing it was to hug him and have him in my arms. All those little things were hurting me...but even though they were...I was glad that they happened. If life did not get in our way, Ashton and I still would be sharing those little moments.
I was currently at home, laying in my bed and listening to music. That pretty much summed up what I did after school after Ashton and I broke up. I did not feel like doing anything else. I did not want to see anybody. I would only leave my room to eat, shower, go to school or go visit Ben. Even my parents had enough of my attitude and made it clear to me. They said that they did not want their boy to be all lazy and depressed. They did not know about the whole Ashton and I thing...and I certainly was not going to tell them.
Listening to music reminded me of Ashton and how similar our music taste was. There were songs that reminded me of him, of his smile and his beautiful voice. I would have killed to hear it all over again. When Therapy from All Time Low started playing, I bursted out into tears. It was Ashton's favorite song. He told me how much he could relate to this song. He said the lyrics were powerful and that they represented in his situation very well. I started singing along to the song, remembering that one time where Ashton and I spent our entire time together singing along to our favorite songs. It was one of my favorite memory.
I came back to reality when my phone rang. It was Ashton. It was the first time in three days that he was calling me. My ringtone was a montage of Ashton's laugh and my background was a picuture we tookk the day we first go together. I did not find the strenght to change them. I did not want to move on.
For the first time in weeks, I decided to finally answer the phone. I realized that we both deserved a conversation to talk about everything. It was time for us to be mature. I was time to face the truth once and for all.
''Hello Ashton,'' I said sadly.
''Oh, Mr. Hemmings, I'm glad you picked up the phone,'' someone who wasn't Ashton replied.
''Who's this?'' I asked.
''Oh, this is Nancy from Polar Inc.,'' she answered.
''Oh yeah hello,'' I replied. I was confused. Why was a nurse calling me?
''I have some pretty bad news,'' she said sadly.
''What? Did something happen to Ben?'' I wondered nervously.
My brother had his ups and downs at the institute, but it never was bad enough for the nurse to call me. I was beyond nervous and anxious. What happened to my big brother? He had to be okay...
''Your brother is just fine, Mr. Hemmings...I'm calling you because something bad happened to Mr. Irwin,'' she answered.
That was even worst. I felt my heart break all over again. I should have known that Ashton was not okay, I should not have given up on him. He was not alright. I should have answered his calls, I should have tried to make things better. My Ashton. Something bad happened to my Ashton and I felt guilty. I felt like this was all my fault and that I could have stopped it. But I did not.
''Wh-What?'' I wondered, crying.
''I-I'm supposed to give this information to family only, but since your the only person who visited me since he was admitted, I decided to call you. Ashton has been in the intensive unit for the past three days...'' she answered.
That explained why he did not try to contact me the three previous day. Something bad happened, I should have known that something bad happened. I felt so stupid.
''Wh-What did he do?'' I asked sadly.
''He tried to kill himself. I-I don't where he find it, but we found him unconscious in his bathroom with a blade in his hand. He cut to the point where he almost was out of blood. We found him at the right time and he is okay now, well physically. Mentally, nothing seems to be okay. I know you and Mr.Irwin are not in the best of terms, but you should come visit him. He always cries himself to sleep, screaming your name...I think he really needs you, Mr. Hemmings,'' Nancy answered.
''O-Okay I-I'll be there t-tommorow,'' I replied before hanging up the phone.
I did not want to believe what Nancy told me. This was the worst thing that could have happened. Ashton tried to kill himself. My beautiful Ashton wanted to take his life away and he almost succeeded. All his phone calls, they were calls for helps and I ignored them. I lost him once and I almost lost him a second time. I was not going to let life a third chance to take him away from. He needed me, just as much as I needed him.
Just like the previous nights, I cried myself to sleep with the image of the perfect guy wity dirty blonde curly hair. Only this time, I saw him crying. I saw him needing my help. I saw him suffering.
''I'm sorry, Ashton,'' I said to myself.