What have I done wrong? (A Jake Bugg Fan Fiction)

*Jake´s POV*

As we were walking to the near forest, Ashley´s brother began to ask me few questions. Firstly he finally introduced himself and I suddenly realized, I hadn´t known his name until now. I told him my name as well but it seemed he already knew it. I suppose Ashley mentioned me.

,,Anyway, are you Ashley´s boyfriend or so?" Jack, the name of Ash´s brother, asked me. To be honest, this question really surprised me.

,,Um... what? No, I´m not.... We´re just good friends... why? Has she ever said to you something like that about me?"

,,No, she hasn´t. She´s a secretor when it comes to things like this. That´s why I´m asking you because everytime she came home, her face shone with happiness... It´s not typical to her, you know..."

,,Well... It´s truly shocked me now. I thought she is happy from the early morning to the late night. She always seemed so lucky when we were together. I didn´t know and I wouldn´t think she might suffer from depression..." And maybe I shouldn´t wonder. It´s really obviously that people who seem to be the happiest are often full of sadness inside....

,,Please don´t tell her, I told you right this..."

,,Of course, I won´t. Don´t worry..." I nodded.

,,Alright... if we find her, please try to talk it out with her...."

,,Yes, yes.. I´m planning it.... I just hope she will give me chance to explain it all."

,,Why she wouldn´t? Yeah, my sister is sometimes crazy when she gets angry but she´s still nice and understanding... "

,,There´s no doubt about it. She´s a really nice girl but this is something that any girl needn´t to understand..."

,,Really? Like what? Something´s happened?"

,,Well... Ashley found out I have a girlfriend... I wanted to tell her but there was no time.... and she probably thinks I betrayed her...."

,,I see... well.... wait until her anger fades away because she can be unreal stubborn during rage.... and then talk it out with her... I´m sure she will listen to you..." Jack gave me an advice but in real I wanted to do the same.

Anyway, we were still walking and suddenly we stood before the woods. The sky turned into intense grey and it was clear that entry into forest shouldn´t be the right thing. There was darkness between the trees and maybe it was the possibility of getting lost. And the other possibilty was that Ashley didn´t have to be there and we would be gone just like her....

In spite of everything, we decided to risk it. Happily, Jack had the torch with himself and therefore we could lighten the road for us. We were roaming around for few minutes when we suddenly saw something in a distance. Actually, we heard more than we saw. Both of us stopped for a while and just listened to the strange sound. It was like whining or whatever. We were following the noise and suddenly we stopped again. Our glances fell to the nearest tree. There she was! ASHLEY! She was supported on the tree trunk sitting on the cold and snowy ground with the hands wrapped around her knees. Her eyes were swollen from crying and she looked absolutely destroyed and weak.

,,Ashley!" I screamed out triumphantly but still very sadly and regretfully because looking at her in this state wasn´t very pleasant. I squatted to her putting my hand on her arm. Her eyes looked into mine some angrily and then she gritted her teeth and muttered: ,,GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!" and afterwards she moved. It hurt me of course but I could expect right this reaction, couldn´t I?!

,,Oh sister. What are you doing here?" Jack asked her really fastly and scared. Ashley didn´t respond him back and ignored the question. ,,Let´s go home.... You can´t stay here... You might catch a cold!" He continued trying to pick her up from the ground.

All I could do was watching them. Ashley didn´t want to see me and I knew it was partly my own fault.

,,You´ve got a temperature, Ash! Have you gone mad? What have you been trying about?" Jack asked Ashley angrily reproaching her stupid and thoughtless behaviour. They were walking before me and I just followed them. Jack asked Ashley many questions but she ignored them all. In the end, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her body. She was quiet all the time just like me. I was thinking about the things that were happening in the moment. They were too terrifying to me... I didn´t want to cause this....

Jack carried Ashley home and I went to my house, too. The whole night I couldn´t fall sleep at all. Many thoughts were running through my mind and they just didn´t let me sleep. I was also feeling sad knowing that next day was Christmas Day. I didn´t want Ashley to be angry with me. But I had hope at least. Maybe the Christmas might solve all those things. Maybe the Christmas might mollify her anger and disappointment. Thinking of it, I suddenly realized, I had no present for her. What should I do? In the end, I came to this: I could write a song for her. After all, she likes my creation, doesn´t she? Unfortunately, I couldn´t play the guitar in that time. And why? It was almost midnight. My mom was far asleep and I couldn´t wake her up... But I could write a lyrics at least!

I pulled my songbook and pen out of the outlet and began to write the very first lines. After half of hour, I had the whole text but I knew that it needed some changes.

The song was done only in the early morning. As soon as I was sure that I could play my guitar, I picked it up from the case and played. It didn´t take long time and my kitten entered to room. He jumped on the windowsill and watched me. I smiled at him and continued in making of the song.

,,Oh great! Sounds good! Hope she will like it!" I said to myself after the last adjustment. Then I sighed and decided to visit her. I placed the guitar back into the case and ran to her house.

I looked at my watches and it showed: 09:13 AM. I supposed Ashley was already awake so I just rang the door bells and waited for someone to open the door. And it was Jack who came.

,,Hello. Can I talk to Ashley?" I asked eagerly.

,,Oh hi. Well... She is awake but I don´t know if she would like to speak to someone. But still come in!"

,,Thanks much... Is she still angry?"

,,Today she´s more depressed than angry... and sick, of course."

,,I see." I nodded. ,,I´ve hoped she would feel better today. I even have a Christmas present for her."

,,Really? And what is it?"

,,Um... I thought up a song for her, yesterday. And now I´d like to show her..."

,,You´re a musician! I´ve totally forgotten!"

,,Ashley told you? And you´re a drummer, am I right?"

,,Yeah! Drums are my passion!"

,,Pretty cool. I´m in love with my guitars as well..." I laughed but I really meant it.

,,There´s no doubt about it. Listen. Maybe we should try to play together someday.. what are you saying?"

,,Seems like a great idea, but let´s talk about it later, okay?! Firstly I need to make up with Ashley. Could I try to go and talk with her?"

,,Yeah, sure... good luck!" Jack said.

I ran up the stairs until I came to the room of Ashley. I knocked the door and slowly squeezed the handle. I entered in and greeted her with little fear that she would get mad and kick me out of the house: ,,Hello, Ash!"

She was lying in her bed looking out of the window. She didn´t say ´hi!´ back and therefore I felt without certainty. But it didn´t deter me at all. I walked to her bed asking: ,,How it´s going?" but there was no answer again. I sighed heavily and then unpacked the guitar from the case.

,,Ashley, look! I know you´re angry with me but... please... It´s Christmas today and... I´ve got a present for you... " I said and finally she looked at me. Her glance was really sad but at least I knew she hadn´t ignored what I was saying. I took the chair that was near her bed and sat down. I focused on the song and started to play the guitar.

Girl, you´ve been forgetting,

just how special you really are,

and I try to remind you,

Sometimes I can´t find you but the truth is in your heart.

So write a note to yourself,

Girl, don´t beat yourself up,

Your best is good enough,

so pick the pen up.

And write a note to yourself,

A note to yourself,

And don´t be cruel,

because things do happen

and you know it´s not your fault,

don´t cover your wounds with the salt.....

At the end of the song, I looked at her and watched her expression. It seemed that she was impressed really much. But she was still silent and I couldn´t get rid of feeling full of doubt.

,,This song was written only for you... Ash, please say something!"

,,Your song is really nice. Thanks really much...." She finally spoke to me.

,,Listen! I´m sorry you found out I have a girlfriend the way you did but there was no time to tell you... It´s a complicated story... you wanna hear?" I asked waiting for the answer. She nodded and then I started to tell the whole history of my and Molly´s love. I explained Ashley that Molly had come back to me just few hours before she came to me and helped with decorating the Christmas tree.

I think she understood it all but she didn´t look satisfied, though.

,,Ashley, I had never said or promised you anything about us two, you perfectly know. I know it hurts you but please understand me. You´re a reasonable girl, so don´t be stubborn!"

,,I know Jake, I know... but... I still can´t believe how I couldn´t see..."

,,It´s not your fault.... It´s alright... "

,,Maybe, you´re right...." She answered sad.

,,Don´t be so sad. You use to be absolutely happy around me.... where´s gone your smile?"

,,I don´t know... "

,,Oh come on, girl! Try to be a little empathetic... Imagine you´d love somebody, for example your own boyfriend, and you couldn´t live without him at all?! He would disappointed you for no good reason but your love was still alive and hoped that everything would be alright again. But meanwhile you would meet some other great boy who fell into love with you and he bahaved just like you do right now to me?! Imagine it all.... How would you feel?!"

,,If somebody disappointed me, I wouldn´t talk to him anymore..."

,,Everybody deserves the second chance... but.... okay... let it go." I sighed feeling upset she didn´t understand me. I tried really hard but my efforts obviosuly went in vain.

,,I´d feel terrible of course. One of the boys would be disappointed which drove me crazy. I´d be sorry for one of him but... I don´t know... why should I imagine things like that?"

,,Because I´m feeling so. I´m feeling the same way as you´ve imagined now.... if those things happened to you..." I said little snappily.

For a while, I was looking at Ashley and so she was looking at me. The awkward silence overwhelmed the room when she finally spoke up.

,,Okay Jake... I understand you... You´re absolutely right... " She sighed. ,,You know... your girlfriend Molly can be proud of you really much. She has met someone so special, someone so faithful and dedicated, someone really talented and mainly... so fair and kind-hearted.... You´re truly exceptional, Jake and I think there´s really much to envy her..." Ashley ended the sentence and smiled at me sadly and happily at the same time. Her words comforted me but I wanted to know and be sure that she is fine with everything.

,,Thanks.... but... please.... don´t be angry with me..."

,,I am not Jake... Sorry for my yesterday behaviour... I know I overdid.... but I apologize..."

,,That´s fine Ash... so... are we friends?"

,,Yeah, totally!" She answered with her typical great smile and it was a sign that everything was finally alright. I came to her bed and hugged her really much. She whispered into my ear: ,,You´re my best friend, Jake! And many, many, many, many, many thanks for your beautiful song... The best present I could get from you..."

,,Don´t mention it!" I smiled still holding her in my embrace.

,,Speaking of presents, I´ve got something for you, too... " Ashley told me and jumped from the bed and ran to her wardrobe. She picked up one box which was packed into brown paper and she gave it to me.

,,What´s that?" I asked luckily and surprised.

,,Open it and see!"

I tore the paper away and opened the box. There was one black leather jacket. Wow! She took my breath away because I always wanted something like that before.

,,Wow. You really surprised me much now. You didn´t have to... It´s great! Thanks much Ash!" I thanked her and I immediately hugged her again. Thanks god that everything has gone good. Everything´s fine and everybody seems to be happy... or not? :-D