It Was Always You
Done
Weeks and weeks went by and the job was going great. I was right where I wanted to be. I seen artists such as Lana Del Ray, OneRepublic, Imagine Dragons, and many more. I was happy.
"Audrey you ready to go?" Grayson called from my living room. We were on our way to a party thrown by MGK.
"Yeah just one sec!" I put on my last earing and walked out to him. His jaw practically dropped to the floor. "You're drooling there doll." I winked and walked out.
"So are you nervous? It's you're first party." Grayson smiled from the drivers seat.
"Not really. It's not like it's going to kill me." We laughed and that's when the bright lights came from nowhere and into the drivers side of the car.
Everything happened in slow motion. I looked around and saw things flying around the car. Grayson tried to cover both of us but glass flew around us and when the car rolled the first time he was knocked out. My body was in shock, almost numb. I saw cuts bleeding from my arms and legs but i couldn't feel it. Something hit my head slamming it backwards. My vision began to fade and the last thing I saw was blue and red lights.
~~~~*~~~~
"Ahhhh!" A scream escaped my mouth as I looked around. Scared, pained, confused, paralyzed. Everything I have ever feared. Nobody came. I called out again. Nothing. I tried to move even a finger and nothing from that either. I started to cry out of fear. I couldn't move my neck so I looked around as best as I could with my eyes. In one of the chairs slept a man and all i could really see of him was tattoos. Grayson? Oh my god Grayson! Is he ok? Is that him? Please have him be OK.
A nurse walked in and dropped her clipboard. She stared at me for a second before calling in for a doctor. They removed different things from my body and checked everything out.
"Do you know who you are?" He asked after giving me some water.
"A-Audrey." My voice barely came out.
"Do you know what happened?"
I started to cry again. "Grayson?" I whispered out.
"Can you give us a second doc?" The mystery man said from behind. I knew that voice. How did I know that voice? The doctor and nurse left the room and when I looked back over there sat Kalvin on the edge of my bed. Kalvin was like a brother to me now and he was Grayson's best friend.
He handed me my water and sat my bed up just enough where I could look at him better.
"How long have I been out?" I whispered out. My throat hurt so bad.
"About three days. We didn't think you would come out of it. Your brain activity was so low and..." he just dragged off. "You'll have a few scars and a you'll need physical therapy on your shoulder. But Audrey..Grayson..he.." Tears flew down his cheeks.
"No no no no no no." I shut my eyes willing this not to be true. It couldn't be.
"He died trying to save you. I guess when the police got there they said he had some how unbuckled himself and climbed over you to protect you from the second vehicle that slammed into you guys. It completely crushed his spine." He held onto my hand and gave it a small comforting kiss.
I cried out louder than I have ever cried or screamed in my entire life. My heart was crushed into pieces. Grayson and i had started dating soon after I got there. We had such a strong connection and he was my rock here in this city that I still had yet to fully know.
I ripped at my IV's and tried to get out of bed. He forced me back down and the doctor came back in to do the IV and to give me painkillers. Nothing could heal the pain in my heart.
~~~~*~~~~
I was able to go home the day of the funeral. Kalvin helped me get settled before he had to leave for funeral arrangements before he picked me up to take me. I sat on the window seat of my condo and just stared at the book next to me. 'Catcher in the Rye'. Grayson's favorite. I pushed it under the pillow and wiped away the tears. I looked around and I could see the memories shared between us.
Curled up watching scary movies and eating popcorn. Dancing around the place wearing nothing but our pajamas. Making breakfast and getting pancake mix all over the tile. Sitting at the table going over work stuff. Our first kiss shared at the doorway. The day he held me against the wall and trailed kisses down my neck and our clothes everywhere.
I would never feel those kisses again. Hear his heartbeat when I woke up curled against his chest. No more breakfast messes. Nothing. It was like someone hit the 'delete' button and forgot to delete the memories.
I looked at the stack of Cd's next to the radio. I picked one up and threw it on the ground. every last one I destroyed. Music posters ripped from the wall. Everything that reminded me of music was gone. Everything that reminded me of him i tried to hide. But no matter what I did I still felt the pain. Still felt the loneliness. Still felt the world without him.
I was done.
Done feeling pain.
Done crying.
Done hoping he will walk through the door proving that this was a dream.
Done with home.
I was done.
And that's when I shut it all off.
"Audrey you ready to go?" Grayson called from my living room. We were on our way to a party thrown by MGK.
"Yeah just one sec!" I put on my last earing and walked out to him. His jaw practically dropped to the floor. "You're drooling there doll." I winked and walked out.
"So are you nervous? It's you're first party." Grayson smiled from the drivers seat.
"Not really. It's not like it's going to kill me." We laughed and that's when the bright lights came from nowhere and into the drivers side of the car.
Everything happened in slow motion. I looked around and saw things flying around the car. Grayson tried to cover both of us but glass flew around us and when the car rolled the first time he was knocked out. My body was in shock, almost numb. I saw cuts bleeding from my arms and legs but i couldn't feel it. Something hit my head slamming it backwards. My vision began to fade and the last thing I saw was blue and red lights.
~~~~*~~~~
"Ahhhh!" A scream escaped my mouth as I looked around. Scared, pained, confused, paralyzed. Everything I have ever feared. Nobody came. I called out again. Nothing. I tried to move even a finger and nothing from that either. I started to cry out of fear. I couldn't move my neck so I looked around as best as I could with my eyes. In one of the chairs slept a man and all i could really see of him was tattoos. Grayson? Oh my god Grayson! Is he ok? Is that him? Please have him be OK.
A nurse walked in and dropped her clipboard. She stared at me for a second before calling in for a doctor. They removed different things from my body and checked everything out.
"Do you know who you are?" He asked after giving me some water.
"A-Audrey." My voice barely came out.
"Do you know what happened?"
I started to cry again. "Grayson?" I whispered out.
"Can you give us a second doc?" The mystery man said from behind. I knew that voice. How did I know that voice? The doctor and nurse left the room and when I looked back over there sat Kalvin on the edge of my bed. Kalvin was like a brother to me now and he was Grayson's best friend.
He handed me my water and sat my bed up just enough where I could look at him better.
"How long have I been out?" I whispered out. My throat hurt so bad.
"About three days. We didn't think you would come out of it. Your brain activity was so low and..." he just dragged off. "You'll have a few scars and a you'll need physical therapy on your shoulder. But Audrey..Grayson..he.." Tears flew down his cheeks.
"No no no no no no." I shut my eyes willing this not to be true. It couldn't be.
"He died trying to save you. I guess when the police got there they said he had some how unbuckled himself and climbed over you to protect you from the second vehicle that slammed into you guys. It completely crushed his spine." He held onto my hand and gave it a small comforting kiss.
I cried out louder than I have ever cried or screamed in my entire life. My heart was crushed into pieces. Grayson and i had started dating soon after I got there. We had such a strong connection and he was my rock here in this city that I still had yet to fully know.
I ripped at my IV's and tried to get out of bed. He forced me back down and the doctor came back in to do the IV and to give me painkillers. Nothing could heal the pain in my heart.
~~~~*~~~~
I was able to go home the day of the funeral. Kalvin helped me get settled before he had to leave for funeral arrangements before he picked me up to take me. I sat on the window seat of my condo and just stared at the book next to me. 'Catcher in the Rye'. Grayson's favorite. I pushed it under the pillow and wiped away the tears. I looked around and I could see the memories shared between us.
Curled up watching scary movies and eating popcorn. Dancing around the place wearing nothing but our pajamas. Making breakfast and getting pancake mix all over the tile. Sitting at the table going over work stuff. Our first kiss shared at the doorway. The day he held me against the wall and trailed kisses down my neck and our clothes everywhere.
I would never feel those kisses again. Hear his heartbeat when I woke up curled against his chest. No more breakfast messes. Nothing. It was like someone hit the 'delete' button and forgot to delete the memories.
I looked at the stack of Cd's next to the radio. I picked one up and threw it on the ground. every last one I destroyed. Music posters ripped from the wall. Everything that reminded me of music was gone. Everything that reminded me of him i tried to hide. But no matter what I did I still felt the pain. Still felt the loneliness. Still felt the world without him.
I was done.
Done feeling pain.
Done crying.
Done hoping he will walk through the door proving that this was a dream.
Done with home.
I was done.
And that's when I shut it all off.