Where'd You Go?

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

He said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating,
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

Some days he feels like shit too, there’s been many days where he had also wanted to quit but he hadn’t. He had done his best to stay strong and fight the urge to just pack up and leave. It’s a shame Gerard hadn’t done the same.

At first it was only going to be for a couple of days, the trips out of town were going to be a one off thing that would only be needed once now and again to discuss new drawings and comics. Frank could have accepted that, he would have packed Gerard’s case for him and waved him off at their front door. He had done, the first time his husband had left for his trip – he had made sure that Gerard had all the things he needed, setting his clothes out into neat piles on their bed as he packed for him. Frank had even done the sad goodbye at the door, pulling his partner into a bone crushing hug and shedding those few tears that fall every time a loved one leaves for something.

Frank understood thosetrips, he really did. He realised that sometimes work couldn’t always been completed at home in Gerard’s spacious office which was complete with computers, printers, scanners, photocopiers, faxes and all the drawing utensils you could think of. That was the reason he smiled at Gerard when he had asked so nicely if it would be okay if he could fly to Portland for a few days, leaving Frank and their Jersey home behind. At first, those few days were beneficial to both in the relationship, Gerard leaving Frank free to work on projects he had some what neglected the past few weeks for Skeleton Crew. It was the second, third, forth and now, Frank had lost count of how many times Gerard had said he would be going away for those few days only to return weeks, sometimes months later.

Each time Gerard called Frank to tell him that he wasn’t going to be home the date that had already been changed maybe 5 times, Frank wasn’t at all surprised. Of course, he was disappointed, he was always kind of hurt when his husband of five years would call just to let him know that once again the trip had been lengthened and surprise, surprise he wasn’t going to be home that night.

Sometimes, Frank just wanted his husband there. At first when the trips were a new thing Frank had felt guilty for wishing that he didn’t have to eat dinner on his own, or at least with the dogs for company. He felt guilty for wishing that the empty space on the other side of the bed was filled with his lover and that he could rest his head on Gerard’s chest rather than his cold, lifeless pillow. But as time went on and as the day trips turned into weeks, Frank felt lonely.

As the days turned into weeks Frank tried to do something, anything to fill his days so that missing Gerard would be that little bit more bearable. Normally, Frank would also work from home, managing Skeleton Crew label from the room next to Gerard’s but often, he would shuffle into his husbands office, pull a chair up beside his and they would work together sharing smiles and soft glances as they worked. After working in his office and finding himself lonely Frank had moved into Gerard’s, only to find that working in there made him miss his lover even more. That was the point Frank had driven to the offices Skeleton Crew had but even there, Frank just couldn’t seem to shift his mind from his husband who was thousands of miles away from him.

The one thing Frank had found himself doing the whole time Gerard was away, was keeping his cell phone in his pocket or hand the entire time. On waking in the morning, the first thing Frank would do was check his cell to see if Gerard had called or text him. Many days started with the feeling of disappointment, as Gerard rarely did either that time in the morning, despite the time difference. Once showering with his phone right next to the shower Frank would take the cell into their bedroom where he would make sure whilst getting dressed the phone would be in ear shot for a call or text message. The rest of Frank’s day was more or less the same; making sure that his cell was either tucked deep into his pocket where he would feel it vibrate and hear it ring or it was placed beside his work, on his desk.

Of course, Frank felt a little ridiculous that he would make his day work around the call that he rarely received and if he did, he would never have that much to say. Gerard would either be too busy to reallytalk or he would have nothing to say that he thought would really interest Frank. That bothered Frank as really, he would love to just sit there for hours and hours, listening to his Ihusband ramble about things that he wouldn’t really understand. But he knew that wasn’t not point, he knew that being married and having a husband meant that you should be able to sit there for hours and listen to one another, support them and make sure that you are there for them just to listen. And that mattered to Frank, he wanted to sit there and listen to Gerard ramble as it meant that he got to hear his voice.

Once the wallowing and moping had passed all Frank could feel was bitterness. He was through with sitting at home feeling lonely and with little or nothing to do. He was tired of eating alone on a summer evening and was tired of being so damn alone. Frank knew that what Gerard was doing was living out his childhood dream and of course, he felt guilty for being so jealous but he missed married life. He was fed up with seeing his husband every few weeks as he wanted to be able to live with Gerard, what they had been doing for years – not have him visit home after weeks away. He missed his best friend, his lover, his husband, his everything.