Where'd You Go?

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
We used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just filling my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doing fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating,
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

It was as if Gerard barely remembered his way home, and when he did come back Frank watched as he wandered around the house looking for things that had moved in the past month or so, things that he should have known where they were, if he had been at home like he should had been. It was a sad sight for Frank, to watch Gerard feel like a guest in his own home, to watch as he would live out of his suitcase, as it would only be a matter of days before he would depart once again.

Frank missed doing things with his husband; going out for a meal, watching a film and as much as he felt small for admitting it, having sex and making love to his husband. There were some nights he longed to be in Gerard’s arms, to be held, to be loved and on picking up his phone and calling Gerard the ache only worsened. There were days that Frank would wander to the mall on his own, grinning widely every time he saw Gerard’s comic in a store but even that was bitter sweet. His grin would fade and all that would fill him would be memories of how this comic in front of him had taken his love away, stolen it from him.

As the summer passed, Frank felt restless. The days that would normally be spent sitting in the garden just talking with Gerard or walking hand in hand along the side of the river had now been replaced with lonesome summer nights where Frank would lay in bed, hot and bothered. Frank had counted, and in the space of 8 weeks Gerard had been home for only 3 weeks and even then, those weeks were split into a few days at home at one time. Soon, summer had been replaced by the fall and has Halloween came and went, Frank still found himself on his own, snuggled with the dogs watching a horror film. Gerard had tried to make it home, apparently. He had told Frank on how he had planned to fly home for his husband’s birthday and how he had bought him the best gift ever but none of that had happened. Frank had learnt to quietly agree when Gerard made plans to come home, as now they were never set in stone and most of the time, never carried out.

The only two things that had actually benefited Frank with Gerard’s absence was the fact that he had grown much more independent and found more time to visit his mother, which he had always liked to do but had never really found enough time to pry himself from married life. Frank had coped well on his own, if he had said so himself. He had cooked a proper meal for himself every night, despite being the only one eating and had cleaned the house when it needed doing, as normally this was Gerard’s job.

To fill the empty space in his day Frank visited his mother a lot more. He would wake in the morning, get dressed and take the dogs to see their grandmother. His mom was pleased to see him, of course but even she would have give up the new spent time together to see Frank with Gerard; happier.

“Frank baby, you know you can always stay here,” Ms Iero stated, handing Frank his cup of coffee and sitting down beside him in the lounge. “I can imagine that big house is quite lonely at nights.”

Frank nodded. “Yeah, it is.” He looked down at the cup of coffee in his hands and remembered just how it felt on those nights when he was in bed, it was always cold and he felt like shit. He remembered what it was like when he was ill and Gerard was away when normally, his husband would be running around him like he was dying.

“You could always come and stay baby, just remember that.” His mom concluded, smiling softly whilst taking her sons hand in her own and squeezing a little. She had seen how Gerard’s trips had reallyaffected her son, how lonely he really was and when Gerard did come home, Frank wouldn’t let him see that side of him. He would put up a front and try to prove that he was doing alright when really, his cover was slowly cracking.

“Thanks.” Frank whispered, knowing that he would be taking his mother up on her offer at some point.

Wandering home that night Frank thought about what his mom had said, and how really, he hated coming back to a near empty home. As he walked through the door and turned to shut it, the phone on the table caught his eye. The message button was flashing. Frank’s heart skipped a beat. Could it be?

Pressing play Frank stood back to listen to the message.

Hey Frank its Mikes.Frank’s heart sank. It wasn’t a message from Gerard. Just wondering how you’re doing, I know Gee’s been gone a while and-A while, you think?! I was just wondering if you wanted to catch up sometime, I’m sure you could do with the company. Yes, he really fucking could Frank thought. Anyway, hit me back when you get this okay? Bye!

Frank reached over to delete the message and wandered into the kitchen. He stopped at the fridge, eyes focussing on the masses of pictures that covered it, him and Gerard with arms around one anther, kissing, cuddling and in the middle, their wedding picture. Frank smiled lightly, it only fading a second later when the disappointment of the message not being his husband set back in. He would do anything just to talk to his Gerard, to hear his voice.

Frank wanted to call Gerard, but he always felt that when he did, his husband didn’t really want to know. Sighing and pulling a beer from the fridge Frank wandered upstairs to their bedroom. He made himself comfy on the bed and grabbed the remote for the DVD, not really bothering what one it was he was going to watch. Chugging some of his beer Frank settled it onto the bedside cabinet and snuggled down into his pillows, making sure to leave his phone next to his pillow, just in case.

About an hour later, Frank awoke to the sound of something vibrating next to his ear. He jumped a little, realising he had fallen asleep watching the film. Opening his eyes a little he realised his phone was ringing. He jumped up, picking the phone from the pillow and reading the screen. It was Gerard.

Frank felt his heart leap from his chest, his gut pulling, making him feel just that little bit sick. Pressing the accept button Frank held the phone up to his ear, took a deep breath and began to speak.

“Hey Gee.”

“Frankie! How are you?” Gerard sounded excited for once, like he actually had something to talk about, to share.

“I’m alright Gee, how are you? Portland treating you nicely?” Frank asked, the hurt in his voice only surfacing a little.

“I’m great Frank, I’ve been working on this new comic book, and it has killer wasps the size of our house in it. Oh, and good news! They said I can come home next week!” Frank sighed, here came the rant about how great life was for Gerard, and of course, Frank loved to just listen to his husbands voice drone on, but it was as if Gerard was completely oblivious to the fact that he hadn’t seen his partner in weeks. It was as if Gerard didn’t miss him, didn’t wantto be at home but wanted to be in Portland, having the time of his life with nothing to hold him back, no Frank to hold him back.

“Frank? Frankie?” Gerard called into the phone, sighing a little when realising Frank just didn’t sound like his normal self. Gerard knew to expect this though, it was the norm these days. It was ironic, any other day Frank would be all ears and Gerard would be the one who just didn’t want to talk, had nothing to say. And now, the tables were turned and it was Frank who just didn’t want to bother any longer.

“Sorry, zoned out.”

“I miss you, Frankie.”

Frank’s heart jumped a little. They hadn’t really talked much about being apart, being away from one another for so long and maybe, just maybe that was the problem.

“I miss you too Gee,” Frank sighed and looked down at his lap, “like you wouldn’t believe.”

“I know, I-” Gerard paused. He knew they needed to talk, lik really talk but he just didn’t know where to start. “I know this isn’t ideal. I know how hard this is on you, and I’m sorry.”

“If you’re sorry you would be here with me.” Frank mumbled, without even thinking and as soon as he had let the words escape his lips, he regretted them.

“Frank, you know why I’m not there with you, and I’ve asked you, so many times if this was okay. And you told me it was. You know I wouldn’t have gone if you hadn’t wanted me to.”

“I’m sorry.”

Frank really did feel like an ass. He knew that Gerard’s childhood dream was playing out and he would be damned if he was going to ruin that for him. Alright, he missed his husband but he wanted him to be happy, and if his happiness was the price to pay, so be it. Frank was selfless like that and at the moment, he really didn’t feel it. He felt selfish and mean and like such a horrible person for wishing Gerard was there with him.

“You don’t have to be sorry Frank, I know this is hurting you, it’s hurting me too.”

Frank snapped. Frank broke. Frank fucking let go.

“Well if this is hurting you, and you know this is hurting me then why aren’t you here making things better Gerard? Why aren’t you here, working on your comic, why aren’t you here doing what married couples are meant to do instead of fucking off half way across the states? Come on Gee, I want to know. Tell me why you’d rather draw than save this marriage because right now Gerard, it’s in need of saving.”

“Frank, please-”

“No, no Gerard. Don’t please me. I’ve tried so hard Gee, so fucking hard to be supportive and be there for you and to sit and wait patiently for you to come home.”

“Frank, I know, I-”

“I’ve tried to understand and now, I just can’t do this anymore Gee, I’ve had it with you and your career. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

And with that, the phone line went dead.