Give Into Me

Up until Tammy had picked her up in her BMW 3 series sedan, Kaelin had felt quite comfortable in the outfit she had picked for her date. Casual. That was what Tammy had suggested. So, in support of her hometown team, she'd bought a new Penguins shirt with the team logo on it. No number. No name. Just generic team gear. To dress it up, she also wore a long, thick tan cardigan, dark-wash jeans as usual, a pair of knee-high brown leather boots her mother had given her as an early Christmas gift, and a black infinity scarf. Her red hair was loosely curled, more wavy than anything. Casual, but nice. Still, it seemed Tammy's casual was much different from Kaelin's.

"How can you call that 'casual'?" Kaelin argued as the two of them made their way up to the Wives' and Girlfriends' Box, although she was neither. "You're wearing stilettos. The definition of casual is relaxed, comfortable, for everyday use."

"This is the kind of thing I wear everyday," retorted Tammy, gesturing to her black jeggings, cream sweater, and Coach purse. "And you'll be fine in what your wearing. Stop worrying about it," her friend added as she opened the door.

Kaelin had to say that she had missed sitting in the stands at the Energy Center. As she and Tammy walked into the suite, they were met by a wall of chilled air and the sound of cheers as fans watched their favorite players skate out onto the ice. They had arrived a little late, and Kaelin had to resist the urge to rush forward to see Sidney, Geno, and the others stretch; instead, she stood beside Tammy as she was introduced to some of the others.

To say that she was out of place was an understatement. First, these women wore designer brands – Chanel, Ralph Lauren, Versace. Kaelin's clothes, on the other hand, were some obscure Target brand, team gear, Burlington, and Hollister. Nothing too fancy but some of it had been a bit expensive by her standards. Second, for the most part, she was in the minority when it came to hair color. Like Tammy, many of the other women here were blondes. Véronique, Flower's girlfriend, was one of the few exceptions. Kaelin smiled at her, remembering her from the wedding, and the greeting was returned.

The last and most obvious reason Kaelin was out of place was that she was merely a date for the evening, not a regular in the Wives' and Girlfriends' Box. There were some curious looks thrown her way, as well as some dark ones, as if the other women were trying to understand who she was and why she was there.

Thankful to have a few people she recognized there, she took a seat between Vero and Tammy, sitting awkwardly in her chair, still feeling eyes on her, examining her.

Finally, Vero broke the silence.

"We didn't get to talk much at the wedding," she said. "You said you knew Tammy in high school?"

"Yes, I grew up in Pittsburgh," Kaelin replied, turning away from the majority of the others, who continued to look her over. "We never really kept in touch, but I ran into her while I was picking up dinner for my mom and me. So, I got invited last minute."

"So you're just visiting for the holidays, then? Where do you live?"

"In LA. I'm going to Occidental College out there to study English Literature."

"That sounds interesting. How long are you out here?"

"Just until New Years'. I fly back the afternoon of the first. Do you and Marc have any plans for Christmas and New Years'?"

"Christmas this year is probably just gonna be us. Last year, we did a dinner where we invited a lot of the single guys over, but we kinda just want it to be the two of us this time. Actually, though, we're throwing a party on New Years' Eve for the team. You'd be welcome to come, of course."

Kaelin was flattered. She'd known Vero for all of four days and the woman was inviting her to a party.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude. I already felt like that at the wedding. It's not like I can just jump back into life here. And, anyway, I'm not sure what my mom has planned. She's always pushing plans on me at the last moment."

"But, if Sid asked you to come, would you?"

"I don't know," laughed Kaelin, realizing what Vero was up to. "We haven't really talked much since the wedding," she lied. They had just been on the phone a little after lunch.

"Well, I hope you'll be able to join us," said Vero with a knowing look. "I'm sure Sid would be happy if you would."

For a moment, she was left to her own thoughts as Vero and Tammy chatted. Kaelin couldn't help wondering if Vero was trying to get Sidney to date someone or if she knew something Kaelin didn't. It was understandable for her to want Sidney to have someone, as she had been dating Marc for a while now and knew the guys on the team pretty well. And, if she was having the single guys over for Christmas, she probably felt a duty to make sure they had someone in their lives. Sidney wasn't really known for dating a lot it seemed; he was so entralled in his career. But, as she was so close to the team, Vero probably heard all about what was going on with their lives from Marc. The thought that she had even been mentioned among them was a little nerve-racking.

Not that she expected anything with Sidney to go far. She was only in for the holidays, after all.

"Hi. We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Carole-Lyne. I believe I saw you with Sidney at the wedding?"

Looking up quickly, Kaelin found herself face to face with Dupuis's wife. Unlike most of the other women in the box, she was older, with a baby in one hand, the other extended toward Kaelin to shake hers. She had brown hair and three other children milling about her legs, two girls and a boy. But, even as such, she had taken the time to introduce herself to the new woman in the room.

"Hello, I'm Kaelin," she said, standing and shaking Carole-Lyne's outstretched hand. "And yes, him and I met there."

She felt as if under examination again, especially under this wife's stare.

"That's nice. I'm glad Sid's asked you on a date. It's not often we get to meet an interest of his, simply because there's not very many. Could I have a word with you?"

She had a commanding presence as she led Kaelin off to an unoccupied corner of the suite, leaving the three older kids playing near the center of the room. The two women sat down beside each other, Kaelin more nervous now than she had been since this night had began.

"You know, no offense, but you're not the one I expected to be here tonight," said Carole-Lyne.

Kaelin was surprised. For the first thing out her mouth, she had expected some sort of declaration of suspicions about her, not that she hadn't been expected.

"What?" was all she could manage, a little disconcerted nonetheless.

"Clare's been going after Sidney for the past few months," Carole-Lyne explained. "I thought he would have broken and just gone out with her by now, especially after all those passes she kept dropping at the wedding. Usually, if a girl won't leave him alone, he'll just go out with her once to get rid of her, but he seemed more intent on talking with you than her, which is something I can't wrap my head around. Not that I'm rooting for Clare, she isn't my favorite person in the world – it's just that you just seem to show up out of nowhere and sweep Sid up like that. No one really knows who you are, except Tammy, who's only told us that you two knew each other in high school. I don't think I've ever seen Sidney act like this about a girl. Now, I must ask – are you just after Sid because he's Sidney Crosby?"

Not sure what to reply and trying to absorb everything that had been said to her, Kaelin was a bit overwhelmed. It was like Carole-Lyne was a mother to the guys on the team, the way she talked about them.

"Um, n-no," stuttered Kaelin, picking her words carefully. "Actually, I had no, er, interest in going on a date with . . . anyone at the moment. He surprised me just as much as he surprised you."

"Did you know Sidney was going to be at the wedding?" asked Carole-Lyne.

"I guessed he would after Tammy told me she was marrying Paul. I didn't think we'd end up meeting, let alone speaking to each other."

"Well, I just want you to know that these boys are like family to me. It's nothing against you, you seem like a good person; it's just that, a lot of women just want him because he's the player he is rather than the person he is. I just don't want him to get hurt."

Without another word, Carole-Lyne stood up and started to walk away, but Kaelin called her back.

"Carole-Lyne, I don't want him to get hurt either. And I'm going on this date with him because he's Sidney, not because he's Crosby."

~

Buttoning his jacket as he went, Sidney walked through the doors of the locker room into the family lounge, which was already filled with people. He tried to look over the sea of heads for a glimpse of red hair, but Kaelin was so short, she blended right in. Nonetheless, as he weaved his way through the crowd, Flower right behind him, he caught sight of her standing off the the side of the room with Vero and Tammy. She waved and smiled when she saw him walking toward her.

Instantly, she stood out to him. Not just because he liked her or even because of her shockingly auburn-red hair, but just the way she looked to him in her casual, everyday dress. He found her more attractive tonight, her face seemingly devoid of makeup other than a bit of mascara and her hair let down, framing her thin face, than he had found her at the wedding a few days before. Unlike some women, who were absolutely stunning all dressed up in gowns and heels, Kaelin was beautiful without all that, just as she was standing before him in jeans and boots. The team shirt was a little unexpected, as most of the other wives and girlfriends didn't usually wear anything with the Pens' logo on it, but he didn't mind. Rather, he secretly hoped it was his number she was wearing, unable to tell as her cardigan covered the sleeves and back. It took everything to keep his composure as he walked up to her, thinking to himself, This is MY date. I'm going out with HER tonight.

Even though, a wide grin broke through.

"Hey," he said, leaning down to give her a quick hug, which was returned and lasted a good few moments longer than he had originally intended.

"Hi. Great game!" Kaelin beamed as they pulled away, her hazel eyes alight with a childlike excitement. "Congrats on the win. Hi, Marc," she added to Flower.

"Hello again, Kaelin," said Marc once he'd greeted his girlfriend with a peck on the cheek. "How are you?"

"Good. I have to say, this is still really strange for me," she admitted, waving a hand in the direction of Sidney and Marc, smiling nervously at Sidney.

"You'll get used to it," he said without a second thought to what it implied.

Kaelin went bright red, Tammy grinned mischievously, Vero gave Sidney a wide-eyed look, and Flower actually laughed a little. Feeling himself blushing, Sidney looked down at his shoes, realizing what he just said.

God, this date hasn't even started yet and I'm already making a fool of myself, he thought. How do you know you'll still like her by the end? How do you know you're gonna want to go on another date with this girl?

Something deep inside him whispered, You will.

While Sidney had been having an internal conflict, the other four had just stood there quietly, no one really looking at each other, all caught up in their own thoughts. Vero broke the silence.

"Well, we're gonna go. It's nice to see you again, Kaelin. See you later, Tammy."

"Bye."

"See ya."

"See you tomorrow, Marc."

"Oh, there's Paul. I'll talk to you guys later," said Tammy, walking off into the crowd, leaving Sidney and Kaelin standing there in silence.

He looked up at her again, trying to find something to say, but the words kept catching in his throat. Her hazel eyes flickered upward, their gazes meeting. Opening his mouth, something finally came out.

"You look nice tonight," he said.

That's all you have to say? his mind yelled.

"You've got to be joking. I think I took the meaning of 'casual' a bit too literally," Kaelin laughed, shaking her head.

"No, no. I mean it, you look great."

Better than great, he thought.

She pursed her lips suddenly, her eyes fixed on his tie, which had ended up a bit crooked in his rush to get out of the locker rooms and see her for the first time in four days.

"Do you mind?" she said, wanting his permission before she proceeded to fix it.

"Not at all."

He raised his chin as she began to retie his tie, chuckling whenever her fingers accidentally brushed against his neck. Her hands were shaking a little, and as she pulled it tight, her fingers slipped and his airway was restricted for a moment, involuntarily breathing in sharply.

"Oh, my gosh, Sid, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to!" she rambled as he loosened it a little.

"It's no big deal. I'm fine," he laughed.

She looked down again, her cheeks pale pink. A strand of her wavy red hair fell into her face, but she pushed it back behind her ear before Sidney had the chance to even think of doing that himself. He wanted to say something, anything, but she struck him dumb; he just didn't want to sound stupid. And she got so anxious so quickly, as if she were terrified to make mistakes.

Maybe it was just the atmosphere they were in at the moment. Surrounded by all these people, they both were a bit awkward.

"Do you want to head out?" he offered.

"Yes," she replied before he'd hardly gotten the whole question out.

Placing his hand on the small of her back, he lead her toward the exit. They passed Duper and Carole-Lyne on the way to the door, the latter giving him a smile and Kaelin an uncertain glance. Kaelin's face was nearly the same color as her hair by the time they had left the room.

~~~

Walking into the family lounge beside Tammy and Vero, Kaelin was eager yet nervous to see Sidney. She kept chewing the inside of her cheek whenever she wasn't talking, or tucking her hair behind one ear only for it to fall into her face again. Her eyes darted about the room as some of the other guys already began to emerge from the locker room and join their friends and family.

The three of them had lingered upstairs for a while to avoid the crowds on the way down here and found that the room was packed full of people. Moving in the direction of the nearest wall, they passed Carole-Lynn, who gave Kaelin another of her calculating looks.

As they waited for Paul, Marc, and Sidney, the girls made small talk, chatting again about holiday plans and family. Vero continued to insist Kaelin come to the New Years' party on the thirty-first, and Kaelin continued to resist, using the excuse that she wasn' sure what she would be doing that night but actually wanting to see how tonight went first.

Hardly a minute had passed before Sidney, with Marc right behind him, walked out of the crowd, a grin on his face as he caught sight of Kaelin. She smiled back and gave him a little wave.

His eyes seemed to melt her on the spot. She felt warm as he strode toward her, that smile lighting up the room. His hair was messy and his tie was little more than a knot around his neck, but she didn't really mind. Of course, cleaned-up Sidney was attractive, but the Sidney standing before her was much more appealing. He had an air about him that appeared more natural. At the wedding, although he had loosened up as the evening had gone on, he had been tense almost. Here, he was at ease, walking toward them with a spring in his step. Kaelin was excited for the evening ahead.

There was no more denying how she felt. She liked him.

~~~

"So where are we going?" Kaelin asked for the third time as they drove through downtown.

"I already told you, it's a surprise," said Sidney, smiling at her from the driver's side.

She rolled her eyes and looked straight ahead at the road, a little smirk on her lips. Sidney kept stealing glances at her out of the corner of his eye all the way to the restuarant.

"Italian?" she said as they pulled into a parking spot in the lot, turning to face him with an incredulous expression. "That's my favorite."

"I know," he replied.

"How?"

"You mentioned it at the wedding. I thought I'd take you to my favorite Italian restaurant. Have you ever been here before?"

"Never. I don't think I've even heard of it before." Kaelin squinted out the window at the glowing, neon green letters on the face of the brick building. "No, never. Of course, I've always been one to go to dives more often that actual restaurants."

"Well, how about next time you pick the place?" Sidney suggested.

"Oh, so there's going to be a next time, is there?" Her eyes glinted playfully.

He said nothing but drummed his thumbs on the steering wheel awkwardly, unable to tear his eyes away from hers. They were steely, analyzing him it seemed, but not cold. Rather, her eyes glowed with a warmth that drew him only closer to her. He was a moth and she was the flame, and he was mesmerized.

After another moment's silence, in which they continued to stare at each other, Sidney said, "You ready to go inside?"

"Yeah," said Kaelin, pulling the strap of her purse onto her shoulder and reaching for the door handle.

"Wait!" Throwing his door open and closing it behind him, Sidney ran around the front of the car, slipping and sliding in his dress shoes on the slick surface of the asphalt. Skidding to a halt beside the front passenger side door, he pulled it open and she climbed out to stand next to him.

But as soon as the soles of her boots touched the icy ground, she started slipping and sliding, too, her arms flailing wildly in an attempt to stay on her feet. She caught herself for a moment, standing with her feet spread, her arms out, and her eyes wide, trying to balance herself; then she was beginning to fall backward.

Sidney's hand shot out quick, seizing her forearm and pulling her upright. Because of the ice, she slid closer to him as they grasped each others forearms, Sidney balancing Kaelin, their faces only inches apart, gazing into each others' eyes, their bodies pressed against each other.

He was convinced she could hear his heart pounding. Having her this close to him, the two of them clinging together, he could have counted the pale freckles beneath her eyes . . . he could have heard every sharp intake of cold air . . . he could have kissed her. It took every bit of common sense within him to keep from doing the cliché thing.

You've met this girl twice! he said to himself.

A minute or so passed of them just standing there in that snowy parking lot, flakes beginning to fall, his eyes locked on hers, hers on his, holding to each other half for balance, half for not wanting to let go just yet. Finally, they both realized what they were doing and released the other from his or her grasp.

Without a word, Sidney and Kaelin started to shuffle toward the doors of the restaurant.

But he stopped a moment later, turned back around, and untied his tie, tossing it in the passenger seat of his car. He slammed the door behind him and turned to find Kaelin laughing at him.

"What?" he said, walking unsteadily toward her.

"After I fixed it for you, you just take it off?" she snickered.

He just shrugged his shoulders, giving her a big grin. "Too dressed up."

They started toward the restaurant, and when Kaelin began sliding again, Sidney offered her his hand for support, and she took it, their fingers intertwining as they walked.

~~~

"So what do you do for Christmas usually?" she asked Sidney over a plate of penne pasta with alfredo sauce.

The restaurant was nice, with soft lighting and good linen, but the service was a little amusing. The hostess had gawked when Sidney walked in, hand in hand with Kaelin, and asked for a table for two; the waiter had stood in shocked silence for literally three minutes before he took their order; and every so often, a waitress would smile flirtatiously at Sidney before sending a glare in Kaelin's direction. But the two of them were preoccupied with talking to each other rather than the actions of others.

"Well, usually, one of the WAGs invites all the single guys over for dinner, so I go to that most years," he explained, taking a drink from his glass.

"What about family? You don't see them?"

"They come down some years, but not often. What about you? Do you and your mom have any Christmas traditions?"

"Not really anymore. It's usually just us because my only other family is my dad's side in New York, and they never come down to visit. The only tradition I can think of is the two of us, in the kitchen, cooking the turkey and the rest of dinner for most of the day. And 'cause there's only her and I, we end up eating turkey every other night until New Years'. But when I was a kid, I remember that me and my brother and sister would each open one present on Christmas Eve."

Sidney gave her a confused look just as she realized what she had said. In her rambling, she hadn't thought about how he didn't know yet about her father and siblings. She was comfortable around him, able to talk with ease rather than her usual nervous stuttering. But now, she would have to explain what happened to him.

"Brother and sister?" said Sidney slowly, as if he were unsure how to ask about them. "You never mentioned them. Are you guys not close or something?"

"No, no. It's just that – " Kaelin broke off, trying to find the words to tell him. "Um, they . . . they . . ."

She sighed. There wasn't really any other way to put it.

"Hey, you know, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," he said, reaching out and touching her hand where it rested on the table beside her plate.

She looked down at her plate, composing herself, then looked back up, finding his eyes trained on her, soft and caring – accepting. Right now, she was whole, patched together by a mother's love and her own strength. But would he be able to accept the broken and shattered parts of her past that had made her who she was?

"I want to tell you. I really do. I guess, it's just hard to hide that it hurts."

Either because he was urging her to go on or because he didn't know what to say, Sidney said nothing. There wasn't any other way to say it.

"My dad and my brother and sister. Um, they . . . they died when I was eight in a car crash. I don't really remember a lot about them, and my mom and I, we don't really talk about it much. The things I do remember are good memories, though. Like unwrapping a present on Christmas Eve, going to my brother's soccer games, seeing my sister's plays. Things like that. I try not to dwell too much on what happened."

Sidney looked dumbstruck. He opened his mouth once to say something, had second thoughts, closed it, opened it again, then closed his mouth again, furrowing his brow as he tried to come up with some sort of response to her story.

But Kaelin felt strangely lighter. Like part of the weight of this secret had been taken off her mind. It was how she had felt when she'd told Tammy about it, or when she had told Ella. The difference was, this time she'd been able to tell him much sooner than the others. She felt she could trust him with this fragile piece of her past.

"I'm sorry," said Sidney. "I can't say that I know how you feel or that everything's fine now, because, like you said, it hurts. But, thank you for telling me. Do a lot of people know?"

"No, it's not something you really tell someone when you first meet, you know," she said smoothly, surprised that she wasn't falling apart at the seams like she had when she'd told Tammy and Ella. "I think most people assume I'm an only child and that my parents are divorced or something like that. I don't tell most people, even those I'm really close to. When I told my roommate, she treated me like some porcelain doll for weeks, like she thought I was gonna break down any second. But . . . I'm glad I told you."

"Why did you tell me?"

"Because I felt I needed to."

~~~

Later that night, as Sidney was walking her up to the door holding her hand, the two of them laughing after he had tripped over a sprinkler buried in the snow, his mind was racing. She trusted him enough to tell him about her family. How long had they known each other? Four days? He knew how he felt about her. And after the great time they'd had tonight, he definitely wanted another date.

"I had a great time, Sidney," she seemed to speak his thoughts, standing facing him on the porch. Her nose was red from the cold and the hand he wasn't holding was buried in her cardigan pocket, but her eyes reminded him of a flame again, warm and full of light. A hint of a smile was on her lips, which were pale in the porch light.

"Me, too."

To avoid staring at either her eyes or her lips any longer, he pulled her into a long hug, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"Goodnight," Kaelin whispered as they let go of each other.

"G'night," said Sidney, walking backward, not wanting to take his eyes off her. Finally, he turned around to walk down the steps, but spun back around a moment later, and asked, "Do you want to just hang out tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" she said with a smile.