All Because Of You

"I'm really sorry about today." Ryan said as we were walking home. I was quiet most of the way, still embarrassed and humiliated by "the scene" in lunch.

"It's okay." I said quietly. "You were only trying to help."

"But I made everything worse! I got in a fight with one of my best friends and I embarrassed you in front of our whole lunch class. I'm really sorry. You probably hate me, don't you."

"No," I said quietly and slipped my hand into his. "I love you and you've showed me that you love me too." I gave him a small shy smile and he giggled. "What?" I asked.

"You're so cute." I smiled. I guess he was right. We walked up his driveway still holding hands. We were too caught up in each other that we never thought of who might be home and who might see.

"Ryan Alexander!" Ryan's mom yelled as she ran outside. I went to run but he squeezed my hand and made me stay. "What in heaven's name do you think you're doing?"

"Holding Tyler's hand. Why? Do you have a problem with that?" Ryan, you can stop now. I want to go home. I tried to speak but nothing came out. I was too scared to say anything.

"Yes, now stop it or I'll get Tyler's mother out here." I pulled my hand away as hard as I could and broke free from his grip and ran to the front door and into the house. Please don't tell my mom, please don't tell my mom, please don't tell my mom! The voice repeated itself through my skull. I was so nervous.

"Did you have a good day at school?" Marie said and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I didn't expect her to greet me that soon. I hope she didn't see anything.

"Uhhh, yeah." I said quickly and turned around and looked through the shades in the front door window. Ryan's mom was coming...and she was tugging Ryan along.
Shit! My eyes widened and I locked the door.

"Are you okay?" Marie asked.

"No, don't let her in."

"Who?" She asked. The doorbell rang.

"Ryan's mom."

"Oh, come on. She's a sweet woman." She started her way toward the door.

"No!" I yelled. "Not right now, she isn't." I said and pushed my weight on the door.

"Tyler John! You are acting so discombobulated! Get away from that door and let Anne in!"

"No, mom! She's mean!"

"Go to your room!" She yelled and pointed to the stairs. She's never yelled at me before. I walked over to the stairs and hid behind the wall and watched her as she fixed her hair and opened the door to see Anne there holing a plate of muffins.

"I brought you some muffins! And Ryan wanted to see if Tyler could play or something."
Play? We're 17. The only thing I want to play with is-

"Oh, thank you Anne. He's up in his room. Why don't you come in."

Oh, boy. She's going to tell my mom that we were holding hands. Ryan walked over to me and we went upstairs.

"Do you think she'll tell my mom?" I asked, pacing back and forth in my room while Ryan laid on my bed.

"Yes," He said. "I told you she was evil."

"We should run away."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Tyler, you're taking this too far. Yeah, it's okay to be nervous, but planning to run away? Calm down. Take breath or two."

"Okay." I said and took two deep breaths. "Oh, my God, my mom's going to kill me!" I cried. Ryan got up and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around me and put my head on his shoulder.

"Calm down. Everything is going to be okay." He rubbed my back.

"My mom's going to kill me." Tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't want my mom to know. I didn't want to let her down or hurt her feelings.

Most parents are shocked or sad to find out that their child likes same sex people. They feel let down because all their hopes of real related grandchildren are thrown out the window. I didn't want to let down my mom but I fell for Ryan and I keep falling. But yet, I also don't want to stop.

I wish everything could just rewind. Stay back in L.A., find a nice pretty girl and stay with her instead of walking through the mall with Ryan and being made fun of. The tears started falling down my face and I buried my face in his neck. I didn't want him to know that I was crying but my sniffles gave it away.

"Hey," He pulled me away and looked at me. "Don't cry. Please. Because then I'll start crying and I just did my eyeliner so perfect today." He smiled. I smiled. I buried my face back into his neck. "I love you." He said and started rubbing my back again. I did feel loved. I smiled and kissed his neck where my face was. I moved up, kissing him up to his jaw line and then laid my lips on his.

We heard someone walking up the stairs. I didn't know whether to keep kissing or to sit on opposite ends of the room. I chose the opposite ends and ran to my bed and Ryan sat on my chair. We heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I yelled. Anne and Marie walked in.

"So," Marie started. "Holding hands?"

"With what?" I asked, choosing to act stupid and innocent.

"It's whom and it's Ryan." She corrected me.

"When?"

"Tyler, enough with the lies! You were holding Ryan's hand earlier!"

"I was?" I was trying anything to make her get off my case but it was just pissing her off. She turned to Ryan.

"Holding hands?" She said.

"Ew!" Ryan said. "With him? He's a guy! Do I look gay to you?" There was an awkward, half a minute silence. "Don't answer that." He added. I tried not to laugh.

"Tyler, please. Just tell me the truth. I want to know if you're really gay."

"I'm not gay, mom!" I yelled. "I'm bisexual." I said under my breath.

"Excuse me?"

"What?" I asked.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"What did you say!" She yelled.

"I'm bisexual!" I screamed. "I like boys! I like girls!" My mom's face fell into her hands and she ran downstairs.

"You," Anne pointed at Ryan. "You're coming home."

"I don't want to." He said.

"You're coming home whether you like it or not!" She yelled.

"I don't want you to hit me anymore!" He screamed. "You hurt me so much!" My mom heard his downstairs and came running back up.

"You hit your child?" She asked Anne.

"No!" She defended herself.

"I'm calling the police." My mom picked up my phone and dialed 911.

"I don't beat him!" She said. I looked at Ryan. He gave me a look that said "She doesn't really hit me, I just hate her that much that I don't want to be near her anymore." Anne pushed down on the hang up button and looked at Marie.

"I do not hit my child. My husband and I made him with love."

"Ex," Ryan said. "Your ex husband. Don't forget about him, or did you already?"

"You know what? Take him. Take him for the night. I will not deal with this behavior in my house." Anne said and walked out and home.

"Are you two actually...together?" Marie asked as soon as she heard the front door shut. It was so quiet now.

"Yes," I said under my breath, ashamed to tell my mom that I like love Ryan.

"I'm sorry about the way I reacted." She said. "I didn't expect to move out to Georgia and find out that my son is...with my neighbor's son." She did sound shaken up. I guess I would too if I were in her place.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be." She said. "I want you to be happy."

"I wish my mom said that." Ryan said. "Instead, she tries to hide it or push it aside and make me find girls that are way out of my taste."

"I'm sorry," She said. "I'll bake you two some cookies. Will that make you feel better?"

"Yeah!" I said excited and she left. Ryan just sat there staring at the ground, not saying a word which is weird because he'd be raiding my stuff or asking me questions. Maybe he ran out of things to raid. Except one place... A voice in my head trailed off. I giggled.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing," I said, smiling. "Just thinking of something dirty." He smiled.

"You think of the weirdest things at the weirdest times."

"Yea, I know. Usually you'd be raiding my stuff or asking me questions but I guess you ran out of places to raid. Except one place..." I said, trailing off like the voice in my head. Ryan smiled.

"There are times," He said. "When I want to throw you against a wall and raid that one special place. But I'm going slow. For you."

"You don't have to go slow for me. I'm actually having fun." I smiled. He smiled. I didn't know what else to say. I laid down on my bed. Ryan got up and walked over. He laid down on the bed next to me and snuggled close to me. I wrapped my arm around him and closed my eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I opened my eyes and looked at the time. 3:27. It was dark and Ryan was still snuggled close to me. I looked at him. Have you ever kissed a boy before? His voice in my head.
I leaned over and brought my lips softly to his and gave him a small, soft kiss. I loved how it felt. His warm lips against mine. I never wanted this feeling to end. I was so happy. I felt so protective and so important because without me here, he'd probably commit suicide or something. But I won't let that happen. I love him too much.

I watched him breathe. His body rise and fall with each breath he took. I made sure he was still alive and still with me. I wanted him close to me forever.

Wait, I feel clingy, I'm always thinking about him, and I'm not really worried about telling him things. Is this true love? Is this what love feels like? It's so...relaxing. Like, I can be myself without worrying. It's amazing.

I pulled him closer to me so our bodies were so close, I could feel his body heat flow into my body. I was so comfortable. I kissed his head and rested my forehead where I kissed.

"I love you." I whispered in the darkness and closed my eyes. Ryan re-situated himself and wrapped his arm around me so we were closer.

"I love you." He whispered and moved closer. I swear, if we got any closer, he might be able to...oh! Hey, I guess tonight's the night. I'm a little nervous, now. I have no clue about what I have to do.