Untangle Me

The words kept replaying in my head but I couldn't seem to make any sense of them. You-Know-Who is after James and Lily. All I could do was sit and cry and feel helpless. Dumbledore had left about an hour ago after informing Sirius and I. The room had been silent ever since.

The reason I had joined The Order of The Phoenix was to fight and to make a difference but I felt like my contribution had been too little. I didn't regret getting married during the war, if anything it was a perfect time. If worst came to worst, at least I would die having experienced a little but of what I would have liked the rest of my life to be like.
I didn't regret having Ezra when I did, but sometimes I wished that I'd have given birth to her in a post war world, where happiness and safety were guaranteed.
All I wanted was for the war to end. I wanted to be back at Hogwarts with my friends, where we were safe but that was no longer an option. This was a fight to the death and I was adamant that it would be You-Know-Who that perished.

"I've got to go and see them." Sirius said finally, his face void of any emotion.
"I'm coming with you." I said standing up.
"No, it's too dangerous. Stay here with Ezra, okay?" Sirius said kissing my forehead.
"This isn't fair, Sirius. I want to help!" I snapped. "I shouldn't even be letting you go, Dumbledore said to stay at home!"
"Look Fi', I have some things I need to sort that might help James, Lily and Harry. I can't say much but I promise you I'll be safe."

I nodded stiffly as Ezra's cries began to fill the air. Sirius broke away to collect her from her room. He returned moments later with her in his arms.

"Da da da!" she giggled, pulling on Sirius's hair.
"That's right my clever little pumpkin, say daddy!" he laughed as he prised his hair from her chubby fist and handed her to me.

"Be as quick as you can please." I begged as Sirius shrugged on his travelling cloak.
"Of course, dear." Sirius said.

He kissed Ezra and I in turn and left through the front door. I watched through the living room window as he walked up to the end of the path, turned once on his heel and was gone with a loud pop!

"Looks like it's just Ezzy and mummy!" I cooed to my daughter.
"Mumma!" she grinned.

I set her down on the floor to play with her toys which she began to play with happily. I thought back to Harry's first birthday. We had gotten him a miniature toy broom that hovered about a foot from the floor. Of course it was Sirius' idea, I would never have gotten something so dangerous for a baby but Ezra loved hers so much that Sirius decided that Harry would love one too. He was right.

I settled myself on the couch, turning on the radio with a flick of my wand. Most stations didn't even play music anymore, just updates of deaths. I couldn't help but listen to it in the hopes I wouldn't hear any names I knew. Only last week I'd heard Gideon and Fabian Prewitt's names mentioned in a list of deaths. They had been in fifth year when I had come to Hogwarts and I knew their younger sister Molly better but I cried nonetheless.

I was driven half mad when Sirius wasn't home. Every noise sounded like the last noise I'd hear. I was constantly on edge, fearing for my families safety. I needed to calm myself down so I summoned the photo album and began to flick through.
James and I about three years of age wearing matching outfits and matching grins. James and I, first year in our Hogwarts uniforms. His hair was messy and his glasses as lopsided as his lazy smile. My hair was long and wild and my face shone with excitement. Lily and I in the library, laughing at some long forgotten joke. The Marauders under the oak tree next to the lake. James and Sirius with their arms around each others shoulder, laughing up from the picture. The Order of The Phoenix. Half of the people in this picture were dead now. All of them murdered. We all looked so young and hopeful here. Sirius's arm was wrapped protectively around my waist. James stood behind Lily with a hand on her shoulder. Remus looked worn as usual but nothing compared to his appearance these days. Peter looked happy as ever being surrounded by his friends. It was almost crazy to think that it had only been three years since the picture had been taken.

James and Lily's wedding day. Confetti rained down over them as they shared a kiss. A flock of white doves flew in and out of the background, swooping around their heads.
My wedding day. One of the happiest days of my life. Sirius scooped me up as I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. James, Lily, Dumbledore, Remus, Peter and Hagrid all cheered and clapped around us.
Ezra a few days old asleep. Her chest rose and fell ever so gently and she slept. Ezra's first steps, running into Sirius open arms with a big smile on her face. Ezra zooming round on that bloody broom!
Harry and Ezra asleep next to each other, food all over their faces. A picture of Harry on his broom crashing into a vase whilst James pursues him. Lily was laughing at the scene unfolding before her.
My favourite picture had to be of Sirius, Ezra and I though. I was smiling up at Sirius who beamed down at Ezra and I. She giggled happily and waved her arms around. Just like Sirius she had grey eyes that shone brightly.

Lost in my thoughts, I barely heard Sirius come in. He removed his cloak, throwing it over the back of the couch and sat next to me, lifting my feet into his lap.

"Remember that day?" Sirius asked pointing to a picture of himself, James and I as kids.
"The day you caused me to break my leg? How could I forget?" I laughed lightly.
"That really was an accident by the way." he defended.
"I believe you.." I replied sarcastically.

Eventually Ezra got bored playing with her toys and teetered over to us with raised arms asking to be picked up. I pulled her up and lay her on my chest, stroking her brown curls.

"How are they?" I asked.
"Bad." Sirius admitted, "They're terrified. Poor Lily's nerves are even worse than yours and James just wants to get out the house, if only just for ten minutes."
"Has Dumbledore still got his cloak?" I wondered.
Sirius nodded, "Yeah, I think he's keeping it from James on purpose being honest."
"I know I would.." I replied honestly, "and you, did you manage to sort what you needed to do tonight?"
"Yes love, don't worry about a thing.."